THE FOUR AGREEMENTS is the first book written by Don Miguel Ruiz. The actual Title is A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom - THE FOUR AGREEMENTS - A Toltec Wisdom Book. What I like about the book is that he explains four basic agreements that you can make with yourself. They are easy to remember, and with a little practice, you can develop habits that will simplify your life. Let me share THE FOUR AGREEMENTS in Don Miguel Ruiz's own words:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and action of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Don Miguel Ruiz has written several books concerning the Toltec Way of Thinking. It's NOT meant to be a religion or a whole belief system although it could become a way of life. It's common sense. Making those four agreements with yourself could eliminate a great deal of emotional drama, pain and poison from your life and the lives of people around you.
Don Miguel Ruiz says:
You need to be very strong to adopt the Four Agreements - but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing.
On being impeccable with your word, he makes the point:
The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is them is use of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love and heaven on earth.
Depending on how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know.
All the magic you possess is based on your word ... when you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself ...
Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself. If you make an agreement with yourself to be impeccable with your word, just with that intention, the truth will manifest through you and clean all the emotional poison that exists within you.
On not taking anything personally, he says:
Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves ... whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own personal dream, a reflection of your past agreements.
What you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made - and these opinions have nothing to do with me ... I know it is your problem and not my problem. It is the way you see the world. It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not me.
Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them. You may even tell me, "Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself ... Then if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.
I am the excuse for you to get mad.
And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear. If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get mad at me. If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get jealous or sad. If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of these emotions.
When you feel good, everything around you is good. When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy. You are loving everything that is around you, because you are loving yourself. Because you like the way you are. Because you are content with you. Because you are happy with your life ...
Don't take anything personally.
Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it is nothing personal. Even at that extreme ... If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you ... walking away may hurt for a little while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want ...
As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you ...
You can say "I love you" without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need. You can say yes, or you can say no - whatever you choose - without guilt or self-judgment. You can choose to follow your heart always.
Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness. You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not effect you at all.
On not making assumptions, Don Miguel Ruiz explains:
We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are truth. We could swear they are real.
We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we are asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing ...
We create a lot of emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally ...
We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We don't perceive things the way they are ... when the truth comes out, we find out it was not what we thought at all ... Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems.
Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want ... Making assumptions in relationships leads to a lot of fights, a lot of difficulties, a lot of misunderstanding with people we supposedly love ... when we believe in something we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position. We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do.
We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us. abuse us and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves.
This is the way the human mind works ... Often when you go into a relationship with someone you like, you have to justify why you like that person. You only see what you want to see and you deny there are things you don't like about that person ...
Your love will not change anybody.
If others change, it's because they want to change, not because you can change them. Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt. Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before, only now it is amplified by your emotional poison. Now you have to justify your emotional pain and blame them for your choices ...
REAL LOVE IS ACCEPTING OTHER PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE WITHOUT TRYING TO CHANGE THEM.
If we try to change them, this means we don't really like them ... If others feel they have to change you, that means they really don't love you just the way you are. So why be with someone if you're not the way he or she wants you to be? ...
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST!
Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything. But it is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy. When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward ... If we like what we do, if we always do our best, then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored, we don't have frustrations ... DOING YOUR BEST REALLY DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WORK BECAUSE YOU ENJOY WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING ... Action is about living fully.
Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.
Expressing what you are is taking action. YOU CAN HAVE MANY GREAT IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD, BUT WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE IS ACTION. WITHOUT ACTION UPON AN IDEA, THERE WILL BE NO MANIFESTATION, NO RESULTS AND NO REWARD ...
God is life. God is life in action. The best way to say, I love you God", is to live your life doingyour best. The best way to say, "Thank You God," is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and right now.
Whatever life takes away from you, let it go.
When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now ... There is no time to miss anyone or anything because you are alive.
Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive. This leads to self-pity, suffering and tears.
You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, to enjoy and to share your love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. Don't resist life passing through you.
Just your existence proves the existence of God. Your existence prove the existence of life and energy ... We don't need to know or prove anything. Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy life, is all that matters.
Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes. You have the right to be you.
You can only be you when you do your best ... By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time. You don't need to judge yourself, feel guilty, or punish yourself if you can't keep these agreements ... If you do your best in the search for personal freedom, in the search for self-love, you will discover that it's just a matter of time before you find what you are looking for.
Powerful! I have been excited about this point of view from the first time I read it. I understand more about myself every time I return to this book. I am sharing it with you but it is your choice what to do with it. Just trying my best to keep the Four Agreements creates opportunities to praise myself every time I catch myself doing something right! Over my lifetime, I have accepted other agreements about me, my life, my family, and the world and not all of them were kind to me, my life, my family and the world. Some of those ideas held me back and opened me up to abusing myself. Those false beliefs opened me up to receive other people's beliefs that matched my own poison and exchanging that kind of poison is just two people abusing each other.
I was a victim. I abused myself by criticizing myself. I abused myself when I thought I didn't do something good enough. I abused myself when I made mistakes. Because I was saying negative things to myself, I allowed other people to say the same things to me because deep down, I already thought those things were true. They weren't true. I did dumb things but I am NOT a dumb person. I made mistakes but I am NOT a mistake. I needed to forgive myself for getting me into some of those messes and then relegate those messes in the past where they belong.
Bad things could have happened a year ago or ten years ago but they are in the past. The only way they can hurt me now is if I bring them back. Some things hurt like heck a year ago but it doesn't have to come back and hurt me 30 seconds ago! There is no good that will come out of keeping that pain alive.
If I can forgive me, I can apply the same forgiveness to the people who might have hurt me. Using the Four Agreements, I can accept that what they did at the time was more about them than it was about me. I can't make any assumption about what they did or why they did it because I do not know, and even if I asked that person, they may not know either. Anger, Jealousy, Rage all come from fear ... and the ones who hurt us may not know or be ready to know why they hurt us because they are still so busy hurting themselves. Doing our best means having compassion for ourselves, and the ones around us.
If I keep my speech impeccable, if I don't take anything personally, if I don't make assumptions, and if I do my best every day for all the days of my life, that is all that I can do. If others choose to do the same thing, that is their choice. If others choose not to do the same thing, that is also their choice.
I can only do what I can do to make my life a better place for me.
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