Thursday Thoughts = Laughing All The Way To Friday!!!

PONDERISMS   I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people  die of natural causes.   Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.   The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.   Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?   Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.   In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?   Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"   Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?   Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?   Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? QUESTION: How many women with PMS / MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? WOMAN'S ANSWER: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And ...  once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!   I'm sorry. What was the question?   My greatest fear is that there is no such thing as PMS or MENOPAUSE and THIS is my REAL personality!!!