Somewhere To Store Your HOPE

I've been reading this book and I just have to share this!

 

Creating A Hope Chest

 

Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul ...

                                                            - Emily Dickenson

 

Hope chests are traditional gifts from mothers to daughters in the days when young women brought household dowries with them when they married.  Hope chests contained bed linens, quilts, table linens, crockery, flatware, and dreams of domestic bliss.

 

I didn't have a hope chest when I got married.  Did you?  I dreamed of getting one for my sixteenth birthday, but we didn't have the money, so it became a dream deferred.  I remember poring over the Lane Furniture ads in Seventeen Magazine featuring a loving mother and daughter packing hopes for the young woman's future into a beautiful cedar-lined chest.

 

Why do I remember this?  Because I've been excavating my authentic self.  If you dig deep enough, it all comes back to you.  And you'll often be surprised by what you discover.  So here I am, thirty years later, looking once again at hope chest advertisements.

 

However, since I've established a household without one, my hope chest differs from the traditional version.  Instead, I use a wicker picnic hamper filled with projects that I HOPE to do in the future.  A few weeks ago, I found a beautiful fabric at a remnant sale that will make a lovely tablecloth and napkins for Thanksgiving Day's Dinner.  Until I can set aside time to sew them, I'm storing the material in my hope chest.

 

A friend who recently separated from her husband of thirty years is starting life over again so she's redecorating the house they shared.  She found some gorgeous needlepoint squares at a thrift shop that she's going to use to recover her dining room chairs some rainy Saturday afternoon.  They'd be perfect in a hope chest until she gets around to it.

 

Get the idea?  Not every one of our desires can be immediately gratified.  We've got to learn to wait patiently for our dreams to come true, especially on the path we've chosen.  But while we wait, we need to prepare symbolically a place for our hopes and dreams.  I've even started a wicker hamper for my daughter which I'm filling up with books by my favorite women authors to give to her on her sixteenth birthday.  I "hope" to present them for her in a beautiful cedar lined chest.  Then my dreams of a loving mother and daughter packing together for a young woman's future will come true!

 

I believe it will.  FAITH is the very first thing you should pack in a HOPE CHEST!

 

(an entry from SIMPLE ABUNDANCE - A DAYBOOK OF COMFORT and JOY by Sarah Ban Breathnach)

 

 

This woman inspires the most wonderful ideas ... I have a cedar chest full of sweaters I hardly ever wear anymore ... I could donate them to charity, or sell them at a consignment shop or "gift" them to my daughters (they actually like getting some of my clothes!) ... And put some of my future projects all in one place ...

I have four porcelain dolls that I want to sew little suits for ... I have collected blue velvet and blue brocade, blue ribbon, buttons and white lace ... but I haven't gotten around to putting it all together ... 

I have a journal for each of my children ... I write to them occasionally ... mostly telling them when they have done something that impressed me or made me proud.  Of course, I tell them how proud I am but I wantthemto be ableto see it too.  One day, I will be gone, and they will wonder what I thought or what I would say and I want them to hear me say that I am proud of them and I love them and I believe in them ... because I do and I will ... long after I'm gone.

I also have an endless box of clippings, old family photos and material for a gorgeous family history book ... I have traced branches of my family all the way back to my great-great-great grandparents, complete with pictures, service certificates, baptism certificates, marriage certificates, old photographs, original deeds and immigration papers ... but I have to lay them out ... a gift for my Mom and Dad, sisters and brothers, children and grandchildren ... They'd be safer in a cedar chest ... I could get it done by next Christmas if I work on it, a little at a time ...

 

I have the prettiest fabric ... would make a gorgeous wall hanging ... It could go in there too!

 

I have a collection of antique handkerchiefs ... and some really pretty silk scarves ... PERFECT for a cedar chest ...

 

That would give me more room in my "arts and crafts closet" ... which is full of canvases, paints, ceramic houses (I paint them for my Mom's Christmas Village), beads and bangles for making jewelry, how to books on painting and beading ... I haven't been to the back of that closet in a while ... Time to sort out, prioritize ... If I'm not using it, find someone who can!  

 

Just in time for spring, I'm cleaning out and getting organized ... Simplifying my life, which Sara Ban Breathnach is so good at writing about and inspiring.  I'm inspired!  I'm going to post this and get busy ... By this afternoon, I'll have a true HOPE CHEST and an ORGANIZED Arts & Crafts Closet ... and just like Sara said ... I have a good start already!  I'm starting with FAITH!   

Tags: Simple Abundance, Sarah Ban Breathnach, Hope Chest, simplifying your life, recovery, healing

Life Keeps Tumbling Your Heart In Circles ...

The Movie, CRASH ... is a MUST SEE ... Not one for young children, but definitely one for us grown-ups.  The movie trailer says ...

 

A Brentwood housewife and her D.A. husband. A Persian store owner. Two police detectives who are also lovers. An African-American television director and his wife. A Mexican locksmith. Two car-jackers. A rookie cop. A middle-aged Korean couple. They all live in Los Angeles. And during the next 36 hours, they will all collide ...

This movie is more than a movie about racism or misplaced aggression.  It makes the point in a profound way that the person we hurt today might be just one person away from the very person we might need to help someone in our life tomorrow or the next day ... We are all connected ... whether we get to see that connection or not, isn't really the point ...

 

The point is that the little things we do in anger or the little things we do out of compassion create ripples on this "great big pond" ...

What kind of ripple are you?

 

 

 

Even the theme song IN THE DEEP has a haunting way of reminding us that life keeps turning ... tumbling over itself ... taking us back to the place we should have been ... In the sea of humanity,

 

What kind of ripple are you?

 

 

 

IN THE DEEP

 

Thought you had
     All the answers 
         To rest your heart upon.
But something happens ... 
         Don't see it coming ... 
     Now you can't stop yourself.
Now you're out there swimming ... 
          In the deep ...
               In the deep ...

 

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles
     Till you ...

          Let go ... 
Till you shed your pride and ... 

          You climb to heaven,
And you throw yourself off ...
     Now you're out there spinning 
          In the deep ... 
               In the deep ... 
                    In the deep ... 
          In the deep ...

 

And now you're out there spinning ... 
And now you're out there swimming ... 
          In the deep ...
               In the deep ...

 

In the silence... 
All your secrets 

     Will raise their weary heads 
Well ...

     You can't pin yourself 
          Back together

With who you thought you were ... 

 

Now you are out there living ... 
     In the deep ... 
          In the deep ... 
               In the deep ...

 

     In the deep ...

 

Now you're out there spinning ...

     Now you're out there swimming ... 
Now you're out there spinning ... 
     In the deep ...

          In the deep ...

               In the deep ...

     In the deep ...

          In the deep ...

         

 

Tags: Crash, The Movie, In The Deep Lyrics, What kind of ripple are you?

The Mastery Of Love - Continued

Dream a little dream with me ...

Just as your body is made by cells, your dreams are made by emotions.  There are two main sources of those emotions; One is fear, and all the emotions that come from fear, and the other is love, and all the emotions that come from love.  In order to understand those emotions ... let's look at some of the characteristics of love and fear ...  

Love has no obligations.  Fear is full of obligations.  In the track of fear, whatever we do is because we have to do it, and we expect other people to do something because they have to do it.  We have the obligation, and as soon as we have to, we resist it.  The more resistance we have, the more we suffer.  Sooner or later, we try to escape our obligations.  On the other hand, love has no resistance.  Whatever we do is because we want to do it.  It becomes a pleasure; it's like a game, and we have fun with it.  

Love has no expectations.  Fear is full of expectations.  With fear we do things because we expect that we have to, and we expect that others are going to do the same.  That is why fear hurts and love doesn't hurt.  We expect something and if it doesn't happen, we feel hurt - it isn't fair.  We blame others for not fulfilling our expectations.  When we love, we don't have expectations; we do it because we want to, and if other people do it or not, it's because they want to and it's nothing personal.  When we don't expect something to happen, if nothing happens, it's not important.  We don't feel hurt, because whatever happens is okay.  That is hardly anything hurts when we love.  

Love doesn't feel sorry for anyone, but it does have compassion.  Fear is full of pity; it feels sorry for everyone.  You feel sorry for me when you don't respect me, when you don't thinkI am strong enough to make it.  On the other hand, love respects.  I love you; I know you can make it.  I know you are strong enough, intelligent enough, good enough that you can make your own choices for you.  You can make it.  If you fall, I can give you my hand, I can help you to stand up, I can say, "You can do it.  Go ahead."  That is compassion, but it is not the same as feeling sorry.  Compassion comes from respect and from love; feeling sorry comes from a lack of respect and from fear.  

Love is completely responsible.  Fear avoids responsibility.  Trying to avoid responsibility is one of the biggest mistakes we make because every action has a consequence.  Everything we think, everything we do, has a consequence.  If we make a choice, we have an outcome or a reaction.  If we don't make a choice, we have an outcome or a reaction.  We are going to experience the consequence of our actions in one way or another.  

Love is always kind.  Fear is always unkind.  With fear, we are full of obligations, full of expectations, with no respect, avoiding responsibility, and feeling sorry.  How can we feel good when we are suffering from so much fear?  We feel victimized by everything; we feel angry or sad or jealous or betrayed.

Anger is nothing but fear with a mask.
Sadness is fear with a mask.
Jealousy is fear with a mask.

With all those emotions that come from fear and create suffering, we can only pretend to be kind.  We are not kind because we don't feel good, we are not happy.  If you are in the track of love, you have no obligations, no expectations.  You don't feel sorry for yourself or for anyone else.  Everything is going well for you, and that is why that smile is always on your face.  You are feeling good about yourself, and because you are happy, you are kind.  Love is always kind, and that kindness makes you generous and opens all the doors.  Love is generous.  Fear is selfish; it is only about me.  Selfishness closes all doors.  

Love is unconditional.  Fear is full of conditions.  In the track of fear, I love you if you let me control you.  If you are good to me, if you fit into the image I make for you.  I create an image of the way you should be, and because you are not and never will be the image, I judge you and find you guilty.  Many times, I even feel ashamed of you because you are not what I want you to be.  If you do not fit that image I create, you embarrass me, you annoy me, I have no patience at all with you.  I am just pretending kindness.  In the track of love, there is no IF; there are no conditions.  I love you for no reason, with no justification, I love you the way you are, and you are free to be the way you are.  In the track of fear we have so many conditions, expectations, and obligations that we create a lot of rules just to protect us from emotional pain, when the truth is there shouldn't be any rules.  

In the track of love, there is justice.  If you make a mistake, you pay only once for that mistake, and if you truly love yourself, you learn from that mistake.  In the track of fear, there is no justice.  You make yourself, your partner or your friend pay a thousand times for the same mistake.  This creates a sense of injustice and opens many emotional wounds.  Then, of course, you are just setting yourself up to fail.  

In every relationship, there are two halves of that relationship ... You are responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half.  It doesn't matter how close you think you are, or how strongly you think you love, there is no way you can be responsible for what is inside another person's head.  You can never know what the other person feels, what that other person believes, all the assumptions he makes.  You don't know anything about that person.  That is the truth, but what do we do?  We try to be responsible for the other half, and that is why relationships in "hell" are based on fear, drama, and the war of control.  If I take control of our whole relationship, where is your part?  It does not work.  

If you have a partner who wants to control your game ... You are not going to have any fun!  Eventually, you won't want to play with that partner anymore!

In the track of love, you are giving more than taking.  And of course, you love yourself so much that you don't allow selfish people to take advantage of you.  You are not going for revenge, but you are clear in your communication.  You can say, "I don't like it when you try to take advantage of me, when you disrespect me, when you are unkind to me.  I don't need someone to abuse me verbally, emotionally and physically.  I don't need to hear you cursing all the time. 

It's not that I am better than you; it's because I love to laugh; I love to have fun; I love to love.  It doesn't mean that I don't love you, but I cannot take responsibility for your dream.  If you are in a relationship with me, it will be so hard for you, because I will not react to your garbage at all."  This is not selfishness; this is self-love.  Selfishness, control, and fear will break almost any relationship.  Generosity, freedom, and love will create the most beautiful relationships ...  

If you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of love coming out of you ... Love in action can only produce happiness.  Fear in action can only produce suffering.

You cannot change other people.  You love them the way they are or you don't.  You accept them the way they are or you don't ... That is a fact.  They are what they are; You are what you are.  You dance or you don't dance. 

I quoted most from the part of the book that talks about the difference between love and fear, because sometimes, it isn't always easy to see love and fear for what they are. 

Don't be discouraged and don't ever give up! 

Some days are full of fear and nothing seems to go right.  Other days are full of love and nothing can go wrong!  The more we love ourselves, the more love we have for the world around us.  We have more good days than bad days, but it takes making the most out of each day, always remembering to:

1.  KEEP YOUR SPEECH IMPECCABLE. 

Your words have power ... the power to bless or curse so why not use them to bless yourself and others?  It's easy to give in to random negative thoughts, to judge, to criticize, to doubt, to worry, to fret, but what if all those negative words had gone unsaid?  What would happen if we were committed to making our speech more authentic and infused our words with more wisdom and integrity?  What if we always meant what we said and said what we meant? 

2.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. 

What people say to you says more about them than it does about you ... good or bad.  People can only see the world the way the world has treated them.  If the world has been kind to them, they are kind to you and expect you to be kind.  If the world has been cruel to them, they will be cruel to you and expect you to be cruel.  Maybe it isn't even about being kind or cruel ... Maybe, we just crossed their path at the end of a really bad day?

3.  DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. 

Things are the way they are.  Good or bad, this is where we are ... to learn from THIS moment.  We are cheating ourselves when we assume we know why people, places and things are the way they are.  Assuming only creates emotional poison and unnecessary drama.  We will all know what we need to know when it is the right time to know it.  Think of the trouble in our lives we could have avoided by just stopping ourselves from making assumptions!   

4.  ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.  

We can practice the FOUR AGREEMENTS every day.  Some days will be good.  Some days will be not so good.  Our circumstances may change.  Our energy level and insights might fluctuate but we can still ALWAYS DO OUR BEST.

(  THE MASTERY OF LOVE - A Practical Guide To The Art Of Relationships by Don Miguel Ruiz  )

Tags: the four agreements, don miguel ruiz, mastery of love, recovery, healing

The Mastery Of Love ...

I would like to talk again about Toltec Wisdom ... which says we all live by spoken and unspoken beliefs (agreements) that we have gathered since birth.  We can transform our lives by replacing any negative agreements with these:
 
The FOUR AGREEMENTS:

1.  KEEP YOUR SPEECH IMPECCABLE. 

Your words have power ... the power to bless or curse so why not use them to bless yourself and others?  It's easy to give in to random negative thoughts, to judge, to criticize, to doubt, to worry, to fret, but what if all those negative words had gone unsaid?  What would happen if we were committed to making our speech more authentic and infused our words with more wisdom and integrity?  What if we always meant what we said and said what we meant? 

2.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. 

What people say to you says more about them than it does about you ... good or bad.  People can only see the world the way the world has treated them.  If the world has been kind to them, they are kind to you and expect you to be kind.  If the world has been cruel to them, they will be cruel to you and expect you to be cruel.  Maybe it isn't even about being kind or cruel ... Maybe, we just crossed their path at the end of a really bad day?

3.  DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. 

Things are the way they are.  Good or bad, this is where we are ... to learn from THIS moment.  We are cheating ourselves when we assume we know why people, places and things are the way they are.  Assuming only creates emotional poison and unnecessary drama.  We will all know what we need to know when it is the right time to know it.  Think of the trouble in our lives we could have avoided by just stopping ourselves from making assumptions!   

4.  ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.  

We can practice the FOUR AGREEMENTS every day.  Some days will be good.  Some days will be not so good.  Our circumstances may change.  Our energy level and insights might fluctuate but we can still ALWAYS DO OUR BEST.

These FOUR AGREEMENTS are not meant to be a religion, but an enhancement of our faith and beliefs ... a tool to be used to bring out the best in each of us, to uncover our authentic self, to live our best life ... Don Ruiz wrote another book called the Mastery of Love - A Practical Guide To The Art Of Relationships.

It's not easy to LOVE!  We have tried to love others and failed.  Most of us have been disappointed in the action of loved ones.  Maybe, through no fault of our own or anyone else's, we have lost someone dear to us and we have no idea what to do with the part of our lives that is left.  

This book makes a powerful case for the belief that REAL LOVE comes from first loving ourselves.
  

THE MASTERY OF LOVE
A Practical Guide To The Art Of Relationships
by Don Miguel Ruiz  

You have the power to create.  Your power is so strong that whatever you believe comes true.  You create yourself, whatever you believe you are you are.  You are the way you are because that is what you believe about yourself.  Your whole reality, everything you believe, is your creation.  You have the same power as any other human in the world.  You may be similar to others in many ways, but no one in the whole world lives their life the way you do.  

If you observe children who are two or three years old, if you see how they behave, they are playing all the time.  You see them laughing all the time.  Their imagination is so powerful, and theway they dream is an adventure of exploration ... they are living in the moment.  They are not ashamed of the past; they are not worried about the future.  Little children express what they feel and they are not afraid to love.  

The happiest moments in our lives are when we are playing just like children, when we are singing and dancing, when we are exploring just for fun ... As children, we are innocent and it is natural for us to express love.  But what has happened to us?  What has happened to the whole world?  

The fear of not being good enough for someone else is what makes us try to change or create an image.  Then we try to project that image according to what they want us to be, just to be accepted.  We learn to pretend to be what we are not.  So many humans are suffering because of all the false images we try to project.  Humans pretend to be something very important, but at the same time, we believe we are nothing.  We try so hard to be important, to be a winner, to be powerful, to be rich, to be famous, to express our personal dream, and to impose that dream on to other people around us.  Why?  Because humans believe the dream is real, and we take it very seriously.  

Little by little, we lose our innocence; we start to feel resentment, then we no longer forgive.  Over time, these incidents and interactions let us know it's not safe to be who we really are.  Once we are full of this emotional poison, we have the need to release it, and we practice releasing the poison by sending it to someone else.  How do we do this?  Everyone around the world is hunting the attention of others all the time.  When we capture their attention, we create channels of communication.  The dream is transferred, but emotional poison is transferred also.  What is important is to have the awareness that we have this problem.  If we have the awareness, we have the opportunity to heal our emotional body, our emotional mind, and stop the suffering.  Without the awareness, there is nothing we can do.  

In our mind, we create the part of us that is always judging.  The "judge" is judging everything we do, everything we don't do, everything we feel, everything we don't feel.  We are judging ourselves all the time, and we are judging everyone else all the time, based on what we believe and based on the sense of justice and injustice.  

Sometimes, the little child inside you comes out - the real you that stays at the age of two or three years old.  You are living in the moment and having fun, but there is something pulling you back; something inside feels unworthy of having too much fun.  An inner voice tells you that your happiness is too good to be true;  it isn't right to be too happy.  

All the guilt, all the blame, all the emotional poison in your emotional body keeps pulling you back into the world of drama.  We learn to be right and to make everyone else wrong.  The need to be "right" is the result of trying to protect the image we want to project to the outside.  We are full of poison because we grew up with am image of perfection that is not true, which does not exist, and in our mind isn't fair ... the truth WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT ... But guess what?  This is the biggest lie we believe about ourselves ... because we are never going to be perfect.  

The image of perfection changes the way we dream.  We learn to deny ourselves and reject ourselves.  We are never going to be good enough, or right enough, or clean enough, or healthy enough, according to all the beliefs we have.  That is why we reject our own humanity.  When we reject ourselves, and judge ourselves, it looks like there is no love.  It looks like there is only punishment, only suffering, only judgment in this world.
  

Life brings you exactly what you need.  There is nothing or no one to blame.  We can even say that suffering is a gift.  If you just open your eyes and see what is around you, it's EXACTLY what you need to clean your poison, to HEAL your wounds, to accept yourself, and get out of your own personal hell.

Every dreamer is going to dream his own way.  That is why we need to accept the difference that exist between two dreamers; we need to respect each other's dream ... According to the way two people dream, they create thedirection of that dream we call a relationship, every relationship we have is unique because we dream a small dream together.

Dream a little dream with me ...

Just as your body is made by cells, your dreams are made by emotions.  There are two main sources of those emotions; One is fear, and all the emotions that come from fear, and the other is love, and all the emotions that come from love.  In order to understand those emotions ... let's look at some of the characteristics of love and fear ...  

(Let's talk more about LOVE and FEAR tomorrow ...)

Tags: the four agreements, don miguel ruiz, mastery of love, recovery, healing

Beyond The Edge, There Be Dragons!

I had a friend who collected dragons ... all kinds ... pewter, glass, porcelain ... I asked her why and she showed me a replica of an old map where on the edges, there was a saying that said, "There be dragons" ... She said she liked the idea of the early explorers going out beyond the edge where "there be dragons" to see what they could see ... to find what there might be out there in the land of dragons ...

Her explanation made me smile back then and the memory of it today made me smile again when I read this:

 

The End Of Our Exploring



We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

                                ~T. S. Eliot

When we live our lives authentically, we discover our true place in the world for the first time.  But this self-knowledge is not easily acquired. It takes tenacity and daring to travel to the darkest interior of one's self.  Who knows what we may find there?  "It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near them," the writer J. R. R. Tolkien advises.

Our dragons are our fears: our day stalkers, our night sweats.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of starting something new and not finishing.  Again.  Or the real fear, the one that sends shivers up our spines; the fear of succeeding, of becoming our authentic selves and facing the changes that will inevitably bring.  We might not be happy with the way we are living now, but at least it's safely familiar.

We don't know where we are headed and it's very scary.  Old dreams are resurrecting, new desires are wooing.  Instead of clarity, we feel confused.  At moments like this, it is comforting to consider T. S. Eliot's belief that there is really nothing to fear from self-awareness because at the end of all our personal exploration, we will arrive back where we started and know in our hearts that we finally belong there.

Women have always known how to deal with dragons hiding under beds or lurking in closets.  We turn on the lights and reassure worried souls with LOVE.  We need to slay the dragons in our minds the same way.

Today, if you feel frightened or unsure about the future, pick up the double-edged sword of LIGHT and LOVE.  Always remember, it's simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons, But as in the best old tales, at the end of your exploring, you will live happily ever after.

• (An excerpt from:   SIMPLE ABUNDANCE - A DAYBOOK of COMFORT and JOY   by Sarah Ban Breathnach)
  

Do you ever have one of those moments when so many things seem to be coming together at one time?

I read this entry this morning with my cup of tea and smiled at the reminder of my friend who moved away years ago and wondered what dragons she was slaying today ... The T. S. Eliot quote reminded me of what I used to say, "Wherever you go, there you are!" because it made no sense to worry about what we should have done or where we are supposed to be ... when we obviously are where we are supposed to be or we wouldn't be here ... dragons, stalkers, night sweats, worries ... other names for the fears we all wrestle with in one way or another ... not to downplay a single one of those wrestling matches ... Facing our fear is never EASY!  FEARS stop us, but they don't have to!  LOVE and LIGHT will bring us through ...

I renamed this journal LOVE and LIGHT from HEALING Creek only a week ago and today, this entry was confirmation (a little God Wink) that I had chosen the right name ... even before I fully understood the significance ... that LOVE and LIGHT can help us deal with our fears and lead us to that HEALING place inside each of us ... (smiling) ... so from me to you ...

 

LOVE and LIGHT from HEALING Creek,

 

Taylor  

Tags: Dreams, Fears, Recovery, Healing, Love, Light

What If You Could Just Make The HURT Go Away?

Are you hurting?  Has something just happened to you or someone you love?  Have you been carrying hurt for too long?  Have you ever wished you could just make it go away?  You can!  Did you know that there are things you can do to stop the hurt?  There are!

I want to tell you about a therapy that worked for me because maybe, it might work for you too?  I remember hearing about this being used with combat veterans who had suffered with Post Traumatic Stress for years, even decades ... I am not a combat veteran, but I did suffer from the effects of Post Traumatic Stress, and this therapy gave me a lot of real HEALING.

Maybe, It can help you too?  Let's talk about it ...



EMDR
(Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing)

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a specialized form of psychotherapy that is used almost exclusively for treating PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and its associated conditions, including depression. EMDR typically is integrated into a conventional psychotherapy regimen and is not used alone to treat PTSD.

The theory behind EMDR is that stimulated rapid eye movement may help in the psychological processing of trauma. It is thought that the day's events and our reactions to them are processed during REM sleep . In a controlled EMDR session, moving light is used to induce rapid eye movement.

EMDR for PTSD
Who Can Be Helped By EMDR?

Positive therapeutic results with EMDR have been reported with a wide range of populations including the following:

• Combat veterans from Desert Storm, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, and World War II who were formerly treatment resistant and who no longer experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other PTSD.
• Persons with phobias and panic disorder who revealed a rapid reduction of fear and symptoms.
• Crime victims and police officers who are no longer disturbed by the after-effects of violent assaults.
• People relieved of excessive grief due to the loss of a loved one or to line-of-duty deaths, such as engineers no longer devastated with guilt because their train unavoidably killed pedestrians.
• Children healed of the symptoms caused by the trauma of assault or natural disaster.
• Sexual assault victims who are now able to lead normal lives and have intimate relationships.
• Accident, surgery, and burn victims who were once emotionally or physically debilitated and who are now able to resume productive lives.
• Victims of sexual dysfunction who are now able to maintain healthy sexual relationships.
• Clients at all stages of chemical dependency, and pathological gamblers, who now show stable recovery and a decreased tendency to relapse.
• People with dissociative disorders who progress at a rate more rapid than that achieved by traditional treatment.
• People engaged in business, performing arts, and sport who have benefited from EMDR as a tool to help enhance performance.
• Clients with a wide variety of PTSD and other diagnoses who experience substantial benefit from EMDR.

There are more controlled studies on EMDR than on any other method used in the treatment of PTSD.

(  http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/treatment/emdr/ptsd.asp  )

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Questions and Answers

What is EMDR?

EMDR, or "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing" is a technique which utilizes a characteristic motion of the eyes in conjunction with therapeutic guidance to bring about emotional healing at an accelerated rate. Although not part of the original EMDR teachings, clinical experiences have repeatedly demonstrated that EMDR also helps accelerate the physical healing process.

What is the history of EMDR?

EMDR has been used by trained mental health professionals since 1989. Its originator, Francine Shapiro PhD, discovered that moving her eyes in certain directions reduced emotional tension. Integrating her clinical experience, Francine has formulated a unique method which she calls EMDR

Who can benefit from EMDR?

Anyone who has ever experienced an upset that they have not recovered from. Often these people have one or more of the following symptoms in varying degrees: feeling "stuck", excess stress/tension, depression, anxiety, restlessness, sleep trouble, fatigue, appetite disturbances, and ongoing physical health concerns despite treatment. In the more severe cases: panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, obsessions, compulsions, eating disorder, and suicidal tendencies.

On the physical health front, EMDRis also a wonderful technique to assist with the healing of any physical health concern.

How does EMDR treatment work?

When an upset is experienced, it can become locked in the nervous system with the original picture, sounds, thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. This upset is stored in the brain (and also the body) in an isolated memory network preventing learning from taking place. Old material just keeps getting triggered over & over again and you end up feeling "stuck" emotionally. In another part of your brain, in a separate network, is most of the information you need to resolve the upset. It's just prevented from linking up to the old stuff. Once processing starts with EMDR, the 2 networks can link up. New information can then come to mind to resolve the old problems.

How effective is EMDR?

When compared to other methods of therapy (psychoanalysis, cognitive, behavioral, etc), EMDR has been rated as far more effective by mental health professionals. Clients experience emotional healing at an accelerated rate. If we use the metaphor of a driving a car through a tunnel to get to the other side, (where the tunnel represents the journey of healing and the other side of the tunnel represents the healed state), EMDR is like driving your car through the tunnel at very high speeds. Because of this accelerated processing, you should notice improvement within each session.

How does the overall treatment with EMDR look?

EMDR focuses first on the past, second on the present and third on the future. The past is focused on first because it is the past unresolved pain (whether it is childhood or the more recent past) which is causing pain in the present. Dealing with the past is therefore going to the root of the problem. For example, if a client comes in with depression and she has a history of being depressed since a death in her family, we would focus on the time around the death first because it is the root of the depression.

Once the past pain has been cleared, most of the present symptom picture will also be cleared. If anything is left unresolved in the present, it is attended to next.

Then comes preparation for the future. Many people have fears about healing ... how their life will change, how they will function with their new perspective on the world, etc. "Future" work is about being prepared.

What will I experience during an EMDR treatment?

Before any EMDR treatment, there is a preparation & assessment phase. The purpose of the preparation phase is to help you feel safe within yourself and to explain and demonstrate EMDR techniques so you know what to expect. The purpose of the assessment phase is to isolate memories to work with in EMDR that are the root of your emotional/physical pain today. The length of time for each of these phases varies per person dependant upon their individual needs.

Once the preparation and assessment phases are complete, the treatment phase begins. You will be asked to focus on a "target" image (one selected together during the assessment phase) while following the practioners fingers (open palm of hand or a pen) with your eyes. Once you start the eye movement, you will find it very difficult to focus on the memory. This is normal. The initial focusing on the memory opens the door to the memory, the EMDR completes the processing on a deeper subconscious level.

The eye movements are done in short sets (15-30 sec) with breaks in between of varying length dependant upon your needs. The sets continue until processing is complete for a given memory. You can stop the process at any time by raising your hand. It is important to remember that your brain is doing the processing and that you are the one in control.

EMDR is a passive process. Just will be asked to just let whatever happens, happen. Youmay experience feelings, thoughts, body sensations. You may experience nothing. Whatever you experience, you will be asked to notice it as if you were passing by it on a train rather than being within the experience. If at any time you feel overwhelmed, you only need to raise your hand to stop the process. You will be asked to share what comes up in the break between sets. There are no right or wrong answers.

Your feelings surrounding a given event will be rated by you (from 1-10) both prior to and after EMDR treatment. The aim of every EMDR session is noticeable improvement by the time you leave the session.

How long does each EMDR session last?

Sessions are done in either 60 or 90 min intervals.

How frequently is EMDR treatment recommended?

Dr. Shapiro recommends once per week if possible. However, I believe that frequency is about what ultimately feels comfortable for you.

How long is the overall treatment with EMDR?

It is important to note that EMDR is always done in the context of an overall therapy plan. The EMDR time portion itself varies for each individual. Starting off with at least 3 sessions of EMDR will give you some idea of its effectiveness for you and the rate at which you are healing. From there it is dependant upon your individual needs and situation.

Source: Julie Pegg ND, RPC Naturopathic Doctor, Registered Counselor
Link:  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Q & A 


I understand the process and the theories but my personal experience with EMDR was profound. 

I can't describe the pain ofpost traumatic stress in clinical terms, but I can tell you how it felt for me.  I felt heaviness in my chest like my heart was about to explode.  Emotionally, I felt like I was constantly on the edge of tears and a panic attack could happen at any moment.  I was too afraid to sleep for very long periods of time and if I did, I had nightmares about being chased with a gun.  Almost anything could trigger a panic attack ... from new stories, chase scenes in movies, songs on the radio, even black cars (Aydan drove a black car at the time) ...   loud noises or sudden movements ... even the phone ringing ... Everything felt like a potential threat.  I was exactly at that point when I had my first EMDR treatment.

Visualizing the night I was threatened by the gun, even though I was instructed to imagine it like it was outside "the train" was still way TOO CLOSE!  Holding the memory in my mind, even for a few seconds, made me feel physically ill.  My physical and emotional reactions were strong ... but quickly, almost miraculously, that scene and a LOT of the feelings that went with it seemed to just melt away ... As I moved away from the FEAR, the heaviness in my chest started to lift and I felt like I could breath again ...

It is hard for me to break every moment down for you.  Describing my own healing isn't as important as communicating that IF YOU ARE STILL EXPERIENCING EXTREME PAIN AND LOSS, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing might help lift that pain and significantly heal you too!

I never was much of a believer in therapy ... mostly because I didn't really understand it and probably didn't think I needed it ... But therapy was a significant element in my recovery.  I am grateful for the help I received from my therapist who is a truly gifted healer.

I am sharing this therapy with you for the same reason I share everything else ... to give you hope ... There can be an end to your suffering.  You don't have to hurt anymore.  There are things you can do.  As always,

Take Care Of YOU! 

Tags: EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Abuse, Trauma, Recovery, Healing

If You Are Being Stalked On The Internet ...

These days, the invasion of privacy has taken on a frighteningly technological dimension. Stalkers, just like thousands of other people worldwide, have found their way onto the Internet, only to exploit the technology to their own end.

As the Internet grows – with tens of thousands of new users signing on each month – more and more of us become victims of electronic stalkers. In areas like San Diego, as many as 20% of the stalking cases involve cyber-stalking. In New York, the number could be as high as 40%.

Though cyber-stalking may sound somewhat benign since it doesn’t necessarily involve actual contact, the preponderance of information about your personal and professional life that’s available online makes it downright ominous. Even if you’re working hard to maintain your privacy, a single credit header can undo all your efforts. Credit headers, which top credit reports, include your name, residential address and unlisted phone number, social security number and employer, data that’s routinely culled from any bank or car loan applications, mortgages, or credit cards. And though the credit report itself is legally held to be confidential, the header is not. So the personal information you supplied in good faith gets sold by the country’s top three credit reporting agencies to online information brokers. They, in turn, sell it to anyone who wants it.

As with regular stalking, cyber-stalking often begins when you attempt to break off a relationship. The posting online of naked pictures taken when things were good during a relationship has become an increasingly popular method of revenge for the jilted. Online vendettas can also stem from downright impersonal contact. The beliefs you express online can make you a target if someone disagrees with you. Even the way you express them – especially if you’re new to the online rules of the road – can inadvertently offend or trigger someone. An obvious lack of cyber-smarts can make you a target, the same way a real-life stalker will target the easy mark.

To avoid being targeted, learn net-iquette, the rules and regulations of online behavior. With that under your belt, follow these tips:

• Opt for free email services where you don’t have to provide your name or address, since most Internet Service Providers make membership directories publicly available. If you’re having a problem, change your email address.
• Since women are especially vulnerable to online harassment, select a gender-less screen or ID name.
• Don’t use your real name or nickname.
• Choose a complicated password that combines letters and numbers, then change it often.
• Don’t respond to online provocation.
• Don’t flirt online.
• Immediately get out of any hostile online communication by logging off or finding another site.
• Guard your privacy jealously. Avoid giving out personal information in discussion groups or chat rooms, including your real name, where you live, and what you do for a living. Remember that these online conversations are archived, and can be accessed by anyone.
• On the commercial front, don’t fill out forms (including product registration forms) online, or participate in on- or offline contests, sweepstakes or surveys.
• If you’re a university student, refrain from providing biographical information for the free university email service. Better yet, sign up for your own private email account.

In the end, the responsibility to protect yourself electronically begins and ends with you. Unfortunately, however, even following every possible precaution may not be enough to protect you completely, due to the Internet’s almost total lack of regulation. So user, go carefully into that dark ‘Net'.

             The above article can be found at:
             http://www.stalkingvictims.com/whats/cyberstalking.htm

 

More Information: National Center for Victims of Crimes

Cyberstalking can be defined as threatening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the Internet and other forms of online and computer communications.

Cyberstalking is a relatively new phenomenon. With the decreasing expense and thereby increased availability of computers and online services, more individuals are purchasing computers and "logging onto" the Internet, making another form of communication vulnerable to abuse by stalkers.

Cyberstalkers target their victims through chat rooms, message boards, discussion forums, and e-mail. Cyberstalking takes many forms such as: threatening or obscene e-mail; spamming (in which a stalker sends a victim a multitude of junk e-mail); live chat harassment or flaming (online verbal abuse); leaving improper messages on message boards or in guest books; sending electronic viruses; sending unsolicited e-mail; tracing another person's computer and Internet activity, and electronic identity theft.

Similar to stalking off-line, online stalking can be a terrifying experience for victims, placing them at risk of psychological trauma, and possible physical harm. Many cyberstalking situations do evolve into off-line stalking, and a victim may experience abusive and excessive phone calls, vandalism, threatening or obscene mail, trespassing, and physical assault.

Cyberstalking and the Law

With personal information becoming readily available to an increasing number of people through the Internet and other advanced technology, state legislators are addressing the problem of stalkers who harass and threaten their victims over the World Wide Web. Stalking laws and other statutes criminalizing harassment behavior currently in effect in many states may already address this issue by making it a crime to communicate by any means with the intent to harass or alarm the victim.

States have begun to address the use of computer equipment for stalking purposes by including provisions prohibiting such activity in both harassment and anti-stalking legislation (Riveira, 1,2). A handful of states, such as Alabama, Arizona, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, New Hampshire and New York have specifically including prohibitions against harassing electronic, computer or e-mail communications in their harassment legislation. Alaska, Oklahoma, Wyoming, and more recently, California, have incorporated electronically communicated statements as conduct constituting stalking in their anti-stalking laws. A few states have both stalking and harassment statutes that criminalize threatening and unwanted electronic communications. Other states have laws other than harassment or anti-stalking statutes that prohibit misuse of computer communications and e-mail, while others have passed laws containing broad language that can be interpreted to include cyberstalking behaviors (Gregorie).

Recent federal law has addressed cyberstalking as well. The Violence Against Women Act, passed in 2000, made cyberstalking a part of the federal interstate stalking statute. Other federal legislation that addresses cyberstalking has been introduced recently, but no such measures have yet been enacted. Consequently, there remains a lack of legislation at the federal level to specifically address cyberstalking, leaving the majority of legislative prohibitions against cyberstalking at the state level (Wiredpatrol.org).

If you are a Victim of Cyberstalking

• Victims who are under the age of 18 should tell their parents or another adult they trust about any harassments and/or threats.
• Experts suggest that in cases where the offender is known, victims should send the stalker a clear written warning. Specifically, victims should communicate that the contact is unwanted, and ask the perpetrator to cease sending communications of any kind. Victims should do this only once. Then, no matter the response, victims should under no circumstances ever communicate with the stalker again. Victims should save copies of this communication in both electronic and hard copy form.
• If the harassment continues, the victim may wish to file a complaint with the stalker's Internet service provider, as well as with their own service provider. Many Internet service providers offer tools that filter or block communications from specific individuals.
• As soon as individuals suspect they are victims of online harassment or cyberstalking, they should start collecting all evidence and document all contact made by the stalker. Save all e-mail, postings, or other communications in both electronic and hard-copy form. If possible, save all of the header information from e-mails and newsgroup postings. Record the dates and times of any contact with the stalker.
• Victims may also want to start a log of each communication explaining the situation in more detail. Victims may want to document how the harassment is affecting their lives and what steps they have taken to stop the harassment.
• Victims may want to file a report with local law enforcement or contact their local prosecutor's office to see what charges, if any, can be pursued. Victims should save copies of police reports and record all contact with law enforcement officials and the prosecutor's office.
• Victims who are being continually harassed may want to consider changing their e-mail address, Internet service provider, a home phone number, and should examine the possibility of using encryption software or privacy protection programs. Any local computer store can offer a variety of protective software, options and suggestions. Victims may also want to learn how to use the filtering capabilities of email programs to block e-mails from certain addresses.
• Furthermore, victims should contact online directory listings such as www.four11.com, www.switchboard.com, and www.whowhere.com to request removal from their directory.
• Finally, under no circumstances should victims agree to meet with the perpetrator face to face to "work it out," or "talk." No contact should ever be made with the stalker. Meeting a stalker in person can be very dangerous.

Potential Effects of Cyberstalking

Just because cyberstalking does not include physical contact with the perpetrator does not mean it is not as threatening or frightening as any other type of crime. Victims of cyberstalking often experience psychological trauma, as well as physical and emotional reactions as a result of their victimization. Some of these effects may include:

• changes in sleeping and eating patterns
• nightmares
• hypervigilance
• anxiety
• helplessness
• fear for safety
• shock and disbelief

Victims experiencing these reactions and many others might consider seeking out support from friends, family and victim service professionals in order to cope with the trauma resulting from cyberstalking. In order to locate local victim service professionals that may be able to offer assistance, safety suggestions, and information and referrals, please contact the Helpline of the National Center for Victims of Crime at 1-800-FYI-CALL, 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m., Monday through Friday, Eastern Standard Time.

Resources on the World Wide Web:

• National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center
• National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)
• Working to Halt Online Abuse (WHOA) - whoa@haltabuse.org
• Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC)
• Online Privacy Alliance

Your local prosecutor's office, law enforcement, or state Attorney General's office. Check in the Blue Pages of your local phone book under the appropriate section heading of either "Local Government," "County Government," or "State Government."

References

• U.S. Department of Justice. (August 1999). Cyberstalking: A New Challenge for Law Enforcement and Industry -- A Report from the Attorney General to the Vice President. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, pp. 2, 6.
• Gregorie, Trudy. Cyberstalking: Dangers on the Information Superhighway. The Stalking Resource Center, The National Center for Victims of Crime. Online.
• Riveira, Diane. (September/October 2000). "Internet Crimes Against Women," Sexual Assault Report, 4 (1).
• Wired Patrol. "US Federal Laws- Cyberstalking." Accessed 15 April 2003. http://www.wiredpatrol.org/stalking/federal.html
  

All rights reserved.  Copyright © 2003 by the National Center for Victims of Crime. This information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed free of charge, in its entirety and includes this copyright notice.  You can also read this article and more at:
The National Center for Victims of Crime - Library/Document Viewer

Another Helpful Article You May Want To Read:

Cyberstalking and Internet Safety FAQ
by Rachel R. Hartman
http://www.sfwa.org/gateway/stalking.htm 

Tags: Internet Stalking, cyber-stalking, cyberstalking and the law, internet safety, National Center For Victims Of Violent Crimes, Getting Help, Resources