The SECOND of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and action of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally.  For example, if I see you on the street and I say, Hey, you are so stupid," without knowing you; it's about me.  If you take it personally, perhaps it's because you believe you are stupid.  Maybe, you think to yourself, "How does he know?  Is he clairvoyant or can everybody see how stupid I am?"

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said.  As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me".  We think we are responsible for everything.  Me, me, me, always me!    

Nothing other people do is because of you.  It is because of themselves.  Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.  What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. 

What you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made - and these opinions have nothing to do with me ... I know it is your problem and not my problem.  It is the way you see the world.  It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not me. 

Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.  You may even tell me, "Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said.  You are hurting yourself ...

Then if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.  I am the excuse for youto get mad.  And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.  If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get mad at me.  If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get jealous or sad. 

If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of these emotions.  When you feel good, everything around you is good.  When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy.  You are loving everything that is around you, because you are loving yourself.  Because you like the way you are.  Because you are content with you.  Because you are happy with your life ...

Don't take anything personally. 

Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it is nothing personal.  Even at that extreme ...

Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself.  Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves.  You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not believe what someone says to you.  Even if others lie to you, it is okay.  They are lying to you because they are afraid.  They are afraid that you will discover that they are not perfect. 

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you ... walking away may hurt for a little while, but your heart will eventually heal.  Then you can choose what you really want ... Someone can intentionally send you emotional poison, and if you don't take it personally, you will not receive it.  When you don't take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others do or say.  You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.  You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.

You can say "I love you" without fear of being ridiculed or rejected.  You can ask for what you need.  You can say yes, or you can say no - whatever you choose - without guilt or self-judgment.  You can choose to follow your heart always. 

Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness.  You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not effect you at all.



The first time I read this, it seemed way too simple.  I was at a place where what everyone else thought mattered to me way more than what I thought.  In fact, I am not sure I even knew, at the time, what I thought about so many things.  Other people's words wounded me easily and I took criticism to heart but it got me to thinking ... "What if that's really true?" 

I thought about the people closest to me and asked myself, "How well do I really know any of them?" and for the sake of my own growth, "If I don't really know them, how well can they know me?" and "If we don't really know each other after all the time we have spent together, how can we truly KNOW what the other person thinks or feels?" and "How can anyone know what I think and feel when I don't even know myself?"

That thought process changed the way I heard everything that was said to me after that.  I listened from a totally different place.  Instead of reacting to every word that was spoken, I was able to really hear what the person was saying.

I learned another listening skill at the same time that really helped my communication with people.  If someone said something that seemed totally out of context, I just repeated what they said with a question mark at the end.  Usually, they would explain or add information to what they had said.  If I still didn't understand, I would say, "What do you mean?" 

Given the opportunity to explain their own thoughts usually helped them as much as it did me!  Sometimes, I would notice that by the end of our conversation, what they had said in the beginning was almost exactly the opposite of what they had originally said!  Maybe, at the beginning of the conversation, they were upset or even angry about something, but once they had a chance to explain what had upset them and truly be heard, they felt better and so did I!

It's wonderful when it works out that way, but sometimes it didn't.  I had conversations where others were too lost in their own anger and bitterness or poison, as Don Miguel calls it, to be able to sort out their thoughts and their feelings.  Since I had only just begun to let go of the poisonin my own life and am still working on it everyday, it was much easier to accept that everyone is at different places.  Some are still "holding on to their poisons".  Maybe, they don't know how to get away from their pain or their hurt?  I didn't!  I had carried hurt around like a badge of courage for years!

The First Agreement changed the way I spoke.  The Second Agreement changed the way I listened.



2.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. 

What people say to you says more about them than it does about you ... good or bad.  People can only see the world the way the world has treated them.  If the world has been kind to them, they are kind to you and expect you to be kind.  If the world has been cruel to them, they will be cruel to you and expect you to be cruel.  Maybe it isn't even about being kind or cruel ... Maybe, we just crossed their path at the end of a really bad day?