I'm noticing as winter drags on, more and more people seem crabbier than usual, whether it's on the phone or in a grocery store line ... sort of the way they do in late August when we have all had "enough of the hot" already ... People who are normally friendly seem to have an edge and they're just not themselves. Even close friends and family seem a little blue and more anxious.
I find myself feeling the blahs myself so I am not pointing fingers at anyone without acknowledging my own place in the "enough already with the gray days" boat. When our energy is low and we're feeling bored and blah, it's easy to be a little touchier than usual. I know it with my head, but I really have to work on my own attitude and the way I react or overreact to others. Maybe, you have to work on your attitude too? Maybe, you are one of those who just let 'er rip, thinking that if you feel bad, everyone else may as well feel bad too? We all react differently to gray, blah days. Some find and spread a little sunshine. Some round up the clouds and make a little rain. Depending on the day and the circumstances, I have been capable of spreading sunshine or spreading rain. Today, I'm choosing to find some sunshine!
The past few days, I have talked to a LOT of rainmakers ... and I felt myself getting pulled into their thunderclouds. It took real effort not to give back what they were dishing out!
Today, I got an email from the Daily OM that described EXACTLY what I'd been feeling ... Maybe, it will speak to you too?
Choosing Not To Be A Target
Hurtful confrontations often leave us feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may wonder what we did to rouse their anger, and we take their actions personally. We may ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that way toward us. It's important to remember that there are no real targets in an emotional attack and that it is usually a way for the attacker to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield yourself from an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally. First, however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide you with some protection from the person who is attacking you. This will allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that their behavior isn't as much about you as it is about their need to vent their emotions.
If you have difficulty remaining unaffected by someone's behavior, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, and you aren't responsible for people's feelings. If you can see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to you-whether they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard-you may be able to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really bothering them.
You cannot control other people's emotions, but you can control your own. If you sense yourself responding to their negativity, try not to let yourself. Keep your heart open to them, and they may let go of their defensiveness and yield to your compassion and openness.
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The Daily OM isn't everybody's cup of tea but more times than not, it speaks to me, reminds me of what I need to be doing or just affirms what I am already committed to do ... on gray days, when I am surrounded by LOTS of thunderclouds and fog, I'll take sunshine wherever I find it and try to share it with you too!
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