There are many things in our lives that require us taking a moment to take care of ourselves. Whether it's the death of a loved one, a major move, losing a job or starting a new one, a car accident, a terminal illness or the acknowledgement of our own abuse; it's in those darkest moments that we learn to give ourselves comfort.
How we choose to do that is different for all of us.
When I am worried or stressed, I clean! There is something therapeutic about sweeping, scrubbing and dusting the cobwebs away that clears the cobwebs from my mind too. In extreme stress, I have cleaned out closets and drawers and attics and even the crawl space under my house, sorting and getting rid of things I didn't need or use anymore ... donating some things to charity, selling some things on EBay, giving some things to my children ... just clearing out!
When I am worried or stressed, I clean! There is something therapeutic about sweeping, scrubbing and dusting the cobwebs away that clears the cobwebs from my mind too. In extreme stress, I have cleaned out closets and drawers and attics and even the crawl space under my house, sorting and getting rid of things I didn't need or use anymore ... donating some things to charity, selling some things on EBay, giving some things to my children ... just clearing out!
Before you call me to come clean your house too, I must say that there were also other times when I didn't have any energy at all ... where I just wanted to snuggle into my pillows, pile on the comforters and hide from the world!
I've asked other people what they do to comfort themselves, and we have come up with quite a list ...
I've asked other people what they do to comfort themselves, and we have come up with quite a list ...
- Praying
- Keeping busy
- Counting to ten
- Blocking things out of my mind
- Listening to music
- Going out with friends
- Shopping
- Going to a movie or renting one
- Taking a bath
- Yelling into a pillow
- Eating
- Cooking
- Baking Bread, Cookies or Cake
- Chocolate!
- Distracting myself
- Doing fun things
- Taking the kids to the zoo or an amusement park
- Reading a book or a magazine
- Socializing
- Calling a friend on the phone
- Talking to someone who is calming
- Meditating
- Seeing a Therapist
- Talking to my Family Doctor
- Taking medication for anxiety
- Avoiding certain people or places
- Exercising
- Going for a long walk
- Visiting a park
- Driving to a lake or the beach
- Driving to the mountains
- Just going for a drive
- Stopping at an Ice Cream Shop
- Reading the Bible
- Going out to dinner with friends
- Fantasizing
- Smoking a cigarette
- Going out and enjoying myself
- Writing poetry
- Writing in my journal - diary - blog
- Talking to people on the Internet
- Painting a picture
- Taking pictures
- Gardening
- Rearranging a room
- Painting a room
- Decorating a room
- Sewing
- Needlepoint or Knitting
- Playing with a dog or petting a cat
- Swimming
- Boating or Sailing or Kayaking
- Camping
- Joining a club
- Going to church
- Singing
- Going to a concert
- Playing piano or guitar
- Watching birds
- Star gazing
- Walking in the rain
- Doing something for someone else
- Writing a letter or sending a card to a friend who is far away
- Scrap-booking
- Working a crossword puzzle or a jigsaw puzzle
- Mountain climbing
- Riding a bicycle
- Getting out in nature
- Swinging on a swing
- Rocking in a chair
- Finding a private place to have a good cry
- Drinking a cup of herbal tea
- Picking fresh flowers for the table
- Lighting candles
- Listening to recorded sounds of water or rain or thunderstorms to relax
- Deep breathing exercises
- Yoga
- Drinking more water and eating healthier
- Getting a new hairstyle
- Getting a manicure or a pedicure
- Working out at a gym or joining an exercise class
- Kickboxing
- Karate
- Self-Defense Classes
- Sleeping
- Spending the whole weekend in your pajamas watching movies
- Going away for the weekend
- Having an old-fashioned slumber party with your friends
- Decorating for the next holiday
- Dancing
- Volunteering at a Children's Shelter or an Old Folks Home
- Talking to a Rabbi, Minister or Priest
- Reading or writing poetry
- Fixing something that is broken
- Woodworking
- Mowing the lawn
- Fishing
- Hunting
- Going to a Baseball or Football game
- Playing computer games
- Bowling
- Exploring a cave
- Hunting for rocks or visiting a goldmine
- Visiting a Museum
- Visiting an Art Gallery
- Helping a friend
Gosh! You can see from that list that the choices are endless and some of them are better for you than others.
What do you do to comfort yourself?
Some of us have gotten by in life by using things that may have felt good at the time but they really only added to our problems:
What do you do to comfort yourself?
Some of us have gotten by in life by using things that may have felt good at the time but they really only added to our problems:
- Using Drugs
- Using Alcohol
- Using Sex
- Overeating
- Sleeping too much
- Watching too much tv
- Spending too much time on the computer
- Fighting
- Even cutting or self-mutilation
These things use what little energy you have to take even more energy away from you. Some of those choices can even open you up to more hurt, creating more drama in your life and leaving you unable to cope with what's really going on. They actually stop you from finding real solutions to your problems.
The only way out of any situation is to walk THROUGH it.
You are where you are. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel confused. It's okay to feel hopeless. We do more harm to ourselves by fighting those emotions than we would do if we just felt them. It's not fun and it's not easy. If any of those feelings become too much for you to bear alone, talk to someone. Get help. In fact, if we are talking about something here that is too much for you, it is perfectly okay for you to stop reading and walk away for a moment. Come back when you are ready.
Take that moment to do something for you that brings you comfort.
You are where you are. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel confused. It's okay to feel hopeless. We do more harm to ourselves by fighting those emotions than we would do if we just felt them. It's not fun and it's not easy. If any of those feelings become too much for you to bear alone, talk to someone. Get help. In fact, if we are talking about something here that is too much for you, it is perfectly okay for you to stop reading and walk away for a moment. Come back when you are ready.
Take that moment to do something for you that brings you comfort.
I want to share an amazing truth with you:
When our hearts are stretched by deep grief or loss, our hearts are also stretched to receive a deeper love and a deeper joy than any we have ever known before this time!
When our hearts are stretched by deep grief or loss, our hearts are also stretched to receive a deeper love and a deeper joy than any we have ever known before this time!
That's not a fairy tale promise or a pipe dream! I know it's true because I lived it. I didn't believe it when I first heard it, but one day at a time, the deep hurt began to be replaced by a deeper understanding of myself and the people around me. With that, I found forgiveness for myself and others. That brought a deeper peace. That opened the way for a more meaningful life on all levels. I'm sharing that with you now because even though things look dark now, there is hope. We're going to look at some difficult things and some topics that might make you feel a little uncomfortable but ...
There is hope.
We can learn from each other. We can support each other. It's okay to feel hurt and anger and sadness and grief and loss but it's also okay to have hope.
There will be times when you discover something about yourself that you never knew before. You will learn about your strengths. You will feel good when you learn something that helps you take better care of yourself and your children. I am talking about getting support and giving yourself comfort first because there will also be times when you will feel overwhelmed. There may be times you want to just give up. There will be times that you are just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired. There will be times where you will have to take a moment to ...
There is hope.
We can learn from each other. We can support each other. It's okay to feel hurt and anger and sadness and grief and loss but it's also okay to have hope.
There will be times when you discover something about yourself that you never knew before. You will learn about your strengths. You will feel good when you learn something that helps you take better care of yourself and your children. I am talking about getting support and giving yourself comfort first because there will also be times when you will feel overwhelmed. There may be times you want to just give up. There will be times that you are just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired. There will be times where you will have to take a moment to ...
TAKE CARE OF YOU.
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