YOU'RE ADDICTED TO LOVE
Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is what it takes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another kiss is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff,
Oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough,
You know you're
Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love
You see the signs, but you can't read
You're runnin' at a different speed
You heart beats in double time
Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind
You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff,
Oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough,
You know you're
Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love
The radio is full of co-dependent love songs but this one has to be oneof the best at describingthat dysfunctional, over-the-top, doesn't-make-sense-to-even-you relationship that some of us fall into. Heck, maybe, we all trade a piece of our soul and lose ourselves in that kind of relationship at least once in our lives?
Why?
We might as well face it! We're addicted to LOVE!
Addiction to a specific relationship is just like addiction to anything else. It comes with it owns set of justifications, and real addicts are the best at justifying why it is good to do the thing they are addicted to.
I have heard alcoholics tell me about the benefits of alcohol on the human body and how even the Bible recommends strong wine ... and Jesus turned water into what? WINE, of course! They quote articles on how wine is good for the heart and the wonderful amounts of water content in beer ... If you aren't addicted to alcohol, you can hear what's going on. If you are an addict wanting alcohol, it all makes perfect sense to you!
When addictive behaviors are present in relationships, that same upside down justification system is working in us! Part of recovery is recognizing the thoughts and actions that help us take care of ourselves and the thoughts and actions that take us down the wrong road.
Addictive Thinking
by Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.
Many of the features of addictive thinking can be seen in co-dependents as well as addicts because they stem from a similar origin: low self-esteem.
Al-Anon endorses the rule of the Three Cs:
You didn't CAUSE it,
you cannot CONTROL it,
and you cannot CURE it.
The self-deceptive features of addictive thinking and co-dependency have much in common. In both, there are often denial, rationalization, and projection. In both, contradictory ideas can coexist, and there is fierce resistance to change oneself and a desire to change others. In both, there is a delusion of control, and in both there is, invariably, low self-esteem. Thus, all the features of addictive thinking are present in both, and the only distinguishing feature may be the chemical use.
There was laughter when a man suggested that alcoholic thinking is every bit as destructive as alcoholic drinking. To illustrate, the man read the questions from a self-test for alcoholism, substituting the word THINKING for the word DRINKING. Here is what we read:
Are You an Addictive Thinker?
-
Do you lose time from work due to thinking?
-
Is thinking making your home life unhappy?
-
Have you ever felt remorse after thinking?
-
Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of thinking?
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Does your thinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
-
Has your ambition decreased since thinking?
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Does thinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?
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Has your efficiency decreased since thinking?
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Is thinking jeopardizing your job or business?
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Do you think to escape worries or troubles?
The point is that even in the absence of chemicals, distorted, addictive thinking wreaks havoc in our lives.
Addictive Thinking by Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.
What makes that relationship "addictive" is that it taps into the same part of us that would be addicted to other things. That needy, dark place that doesn't feel complete without another drink, another fix, another hug, another piece of chocolate ... whatever addicted fix you crave and whatever addiction you are recovering from, this is part of it.
There was a little girl inside me that wanted someone to make up for all the hurt I felt as a little girl. When I met Aydan, I met someone who was completely incapable of loving that way. His rejection and abuse tapped into that ancient hurt and I was "hooked" in the old way, thinking that if I did just a little more and said just a little more and gave a little more, that he would care about me ... Aydan didn't want to take care of MY needs! I was only valuable to him as long as I took care of HIS needs. The minute I showed any need at all, I diminished in value to him.
I had a set way of looking at things that really wasn't working all that well for me or I never would have ended up at that hurting place to begin with!
I had to make changes in the way I look at myself and the rest of the world to survive. I lost some of the innocence ... I couldn't keep the idea that there is good in EVERYBODY because that's just not true. I couldn't keep the idea that if I tried a little harder and worked a little more, everything would magically turn out okay, because sometimes, in spite of our very best efforts, things don't turn out okay.
It hurt to give up that idealistic view of the world, but the seasoned view I have now is not so bad. My TRUTH is kinder to me and gentler with everyone else!
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