Winter

Tis the sweet simple things

of life



which are the real ones after all.



~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

The BEAUTY of Cedar Waxwings

This morning when I woke up, I popped in a nature CD ... you know the kind?  Classical music with the sounds of song birds and running water mixed in.  I sat down to read and drink my cup of coffee when I saw the most magical thing!  

The tree outside my window was full of CEDAR WAXWINGS!  They travel in flocks of 30-40 and they have masks like tiny little lone rangers.  They love to feed on berries and the front of my house has several shrubs with berries on them.  Cedar waxwings are my favorite!  They came through here last year and now, they are back!  

How awesome if that ?!!!  

Native Americans have long believed that animals have specific character traits.  Their is a wonderful book called ANIMAL SPEAK by Ted Andrews that shows readers how to view those traits for personal growth and inner discovery.  I couldn't resist looking up the waxwing.  It said:  

Waxwing - connection to healing, self respect and control of ego  

How cool is that?  Healing?  I sure am!  Self respect?  I have more of that than I ever have.  Control of ego?  I have been learning a lot about that too. 

I'd like to talk about that. 

Egos ... we stroke them, bruise them, protect them, feed them, check them ... Dr. Sam Vankin, in his book Malignant Self Love, talks about strong and weak egos:

Persons with a strong Ego can objectively comprehend both the world and themselves. In other words, they are possessed of insight. They are able to contemplate longer time spans, plan, forecast and schedule. They choose decisively among alternatives and follow their resolve. They are aware of the existence of their drives, but control them and channel them in socially acceptable ways. They resist pressures – social or otherwise. They choose their course and pursue it.

The weaker the Ego is, the more infantile and impulsive its owner, the more distorted his or her perception of self and reality. A weak Ego is incapable of productive work.

The healthy Ego preserves some sense of continuity and consistency. It serves as a point of reference. It relates events of the past to actions at present and to plans for the future. It incorporates memory, anticipation, imagination and intellect. It defines where the individual ends and the world begins.

No matter what pain you are recovering from, recovery is a time when we Have to get real with ourselves and the people around us.  It is the time to put aside our false self in favor of our true self and the more we get in touch with our true self, the healthier our egos become.  We let go of the false things that held us back and embrace the true things that will carry us through ...

Does that make sense? 

When we project "an image" of what we want people to see, we have a lot invested in maintaining that image and our egos become touchy little things whose purpose is to "keep up the image" to the rest of the world.  We wear all sorts of masks.  But when we commit to living a more REAL life, we have to let go of that false image we projected and accept that we are what we are.  We have to choose to put away all the masks.  There is no use trying to be or do something else because we are here in this moment for a reason ... and living one day at a time is freely admitting to ourselves and the world around us that THIS IS WHO I AM, for better or worse, this is ME ...

Recovery is committing to do inner work ... to consciously work on our selves from the inside out.  As a co-dependent, I have lived most of my life from the outside in.  Who I was and how I felt depended on how the world around me was responding to me at the time! 

I had all sorts of masks and maybe, you do too?  There's the mask we wear when we are working and the mask that fits just fine at home.  There is another mask for when we are under stress and want the world to think we have everything under control.  There is the mask we wear for company and people we want to impress.  There is the mask we wear when we are hurt and angry but don't want the world to see us hurt or angry.  Recovery is committing to being REAL.  Recovery is admitting and accepting that we are where we are and we are meant to deal with what today brings us as best we can, one day at a time.  It is starting every day with:

 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and
the wisdom to know the difference.

 

No room for false, inflated egos or well worn masks ... No reason to pretend to be anyone else when who we are is who we are meant to be.  We are all here for a reason but we will never know the reason if we don't meet the world exactly as who we are. 

Let me read that again ...

The healthy Ego preserves some sense of continuity and consistency.
It serves as a point of reference.
It relates events of the past to actions at present and to plans for the future.
It incorporates memory, anticipation, imagination and intellect.
It defines where the individual ends and the world begins.

To think one little flock of waxwings got me to thinking about all this ... Maybe, God sent them to my yard, knowing they were my favorite, but also knowing that I'd look them up in the book and see that they represent:

connection to healing

self respect

control of ego 

Maybe it was my little reward for choosing to be REAL?  Maybe, He just wanted me to know that I am connected to HIS healing?

After a lifetime of trying to prove to the world that I was PERFECT by choosing the PERFECT mask, it feels good to love myself for who I am ... but even better to KNOW that God loves me too, just as I am!  Do you know how I know?  Well, this morning, He sent me a flock of my favorite birds!





(smiling)  I appreciate the humor and the irony that it was birds with masks that reminded me how good life can be when we put away our own false masks!  LOLOL ... That might be a post for another day!  (smiling)

SATURDAY ... in the park ... I dreamed it was the 4th of July

 

... for those who take life too seriously.


 
1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.

******
2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like,
Night.

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3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.

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4. I Just Got Lost In Thought.
It Wasn't Familiar Territory.

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5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up
On The Spot.

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6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound,
Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright
Until You Hear Them Speak.

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7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked
In A Parallel Universe.

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8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.

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9. Remember, Half The People You Know
Are Below Average.

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10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.

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11. Depression Is Merely Anger
Without Enthusiasm.

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12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm,
But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.

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13. I Drive Way Too Fast
To Worry About Cholesterol.

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14. Support Bacteria.
They're The Only Culture Some People Have.

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15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend
1/7 Of Your Week.

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16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually
The Sign Of A Bad Memory.

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17. Change Is Inevitable,
Except From Vending Machines.

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18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse.
It'll Be A Great Trade!

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19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.

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20. Always Try To Be Modest,
And Be Proud Of It!

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21. If You Think Nobody Cares,
Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.

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22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis?
Raise My Hand.

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23 . Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?

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24. How Do You Tell When You're Out
Of Invisible Ink?

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25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well,
You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.

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26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way,
You're In The Wrong Lane.

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27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future.
Laziness Pays Off Now.

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28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory.
Some Just Do Not Have Film.

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29. If Barbie Is So Popular,
Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?

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30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be
Without Sponges?

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31. What Happens If You Get Scared
Half To Death Twice?

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32. I Used To Have An Open Mind
But My Brains Kept Falling Out.

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33. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes,
So I Made Your Horn Louder.

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34. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You
For Your Name?

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35. Inside Every Older Person
Is A Younger Person Wondering,
"What Happened?"





You don't have to stop laughing
when you grow old.
You grow old because you stop

laughing.


 

Baby, It's COLD Outside !!!

If it's too cold and windy,
This is where I'll be,
Cuddled under that soft throw
And drinking hot spiced tea!

I'll pick up a book
Or maybe two or three ...
Sitting in my little nook
All comfy and Cozy!

Sending you WARM thoughts!

Good Morning !!!

Sunshine in my coffee!

Hello Sunshine, My Old Friend!

 

I have a bowl of round crystal prisms in my living room on the coffee table.  I had washed them and set them in a bowl lined with paper towels to air dry.  The sunshine hit that bowl this morning and filled my living room with rainbows!

Anybody need a

RAINBOW ???

Happy to share!
Rainbows and hugggggggggggggz for everybody!

Winter Gray Days ... Again!

 

I woke up this morning and the morning was already settled into a perfect shade of winter gray ... again!  

I didn't have anything pressing on my morning agenda ... nothing that couldn't wait ... in fact, I mused, why do I even have lists of things to do when I get everything else done?  If it can wait, it's not really that important any way ... Why even keep a list?  That made me smile ... Haven't even had my coffee and I'm already giving myself a headache!  

Gray days are my worst days.  They seem to drench me in a gray mood ... not happy, not sad ... ambivalent ... If I am already down, a gray day can shove me under the covers and deeper into my pillow.  If I am in a better mood with lots to do, I don't pay any attention to the gray.  I pretend it isn't there like a hole in my stocking that no one but me can even see.  

Today, with nothing better to do, I looked GRAY in the face and SMILED!  I'm gonna beat this gray thing today.  I'm not going to hide from it.  I'm not going to ignore it.  I'm going to use it to work for me.  

I'm going to pretend I'm in elementary school art class and the teacher handed me a gray sheet of paper ... How can I liven up a gray piece of paper? 

PLAY !?!?!   

I needed a little light and a little warmth so I decided to light a few candles.  I love candles!  In fact, if a few are good, several are even better!  

That reminds me of a new trick I found.  I had a jar candle that I wanted to put in a crystal vase, but I needed to find a way to balance the jar in the vase and there wasn't enough room for those little glass bubbles.  I remember seeing someone put sand in between two candles, but where am I going to find sand in February and besides, sand might scratch the crystal ... but ground coffee wouldn't so I used ground coffee in between the jar and the vase to hold the jar in place.  Know what happened when I lit the vanilla candle?  It warmed up the coffee and the whole house smelled like one of those fancy coffee shops!  Try it!  It works great!    

There was a bulldozer working in the neighbor's yard so I put my favorite CD on and turned it up to drown out some of the noise.  Hey!!!  That's nice!  I even danced a little on the way into the kitchen.  

Tea!  I need a good cup of hot tea!  My favorite tea is licorice spice, but I change favorites about every other week.  I reached into the canister and picked Tuscany Orange Spice ...   

Hmm ... not bad so far.  My gray day is brighter with candles, happier with music and now it tastes like orange and spice ... Now, just like an elementary child, I need to use my imagination.

My sister gave me a porch swing for Christmas.  I love to swing! 

I took my tea and a cozy quilt and sat on the back porch, just thinking of all the things I am thankful for.  I have been doing that ever since I started recovery ... counting my blessings ... In the beginning, it took almost all day to find even one thing to put on that list!  It became a habit, and today, I really do have a lot to be thankful for.

Going over this next week in my mind, I made a big pot of chili and a roast this weekend and froze them in smaller portions ... which means I won't have to cook as much this week ... which means instead of planning meals, I can walk a mile or two more.

What can I think of next?  

The music I put in is a Bobby Darin tape.  That music was way before my time, but I have always loved the old movies and the love stories and the innocent way the world viewed itself.  I thought about the clothes ... tailored suits or flowing gowns in silks and satins.  I loved the look ... the curls ... the matching bags and shoes ... simple pearl necklaces and soft sweaters ...

I know what!  I'm going to curl my hair and paint my fingernails pink and wear a sweater to match!  

I have a black leather coat and boots.  It's a little colder today.  I could wear my new scarf with all the colors, even pink!  I could wear those dressy wool slacks.  I haven't been able to wear them for a while but I have lost weight. 

I could even go shopping or meet a friend for lunch ... I haven't gone out much lately.  I don't know why.  I guess I wasn't in the mood.  I am in the mood today!

I am?  

It's a boring gray day and I forgot it was a boring gray day!  Isn't it amazing what a few candles, a little music, a cup of tea, curls, finger nail polish, a soft sweater and pearls can do?  It wasn't all that?  What was it then?  

ME!  

I am the difference in this gray day!  I chose to put color in this gray day and I lit it up from the inside.  Sunny days and blue skies are just plain HAPPY ... but when the sun takes a break and the blue has gone away, I can make own sunshine!  

On gray days, I get to make my own sunshine?  

KEEEWL !!!!!  

I think I like gray days!  

GRAY

Today,
I looked out my window

and saw
GRAY ...

GRAY trees

GRAY woods
GRAY sky

GRAY day

and in the middle of

that

VERY GRAY day,

a very bright and very fat

BLUE BIRD

landed right in the middle

of

my

GRAY DAY

and my world was

BRIGHTER

for it!

Lutheran Coffee

Two of my earliest memories of growing up in Minnesota were being so cold, my teeth wouldn't stop chattering and the strongest coffee I have ever had in my life, Lutheran Coffee.

It's so cold in Minnesota that everyone plugs their car in at night so that an engine block heater will keep the engine fluids and the motor itself from freezing in sub zero temps.  Even with that, Dad would always go start the car and turn on the heater so both could warm up before we all piled in to go to church.  We wore layers and layers of clothes ... long johns, jeans, sometimes a second pair of jeans and snow pants too, a shirt, turtle neck, sweatshirt, two or three scarves, our coat, hats, gloves or mittens and most times, both!  Almost always, one of the little kids would have to go to the bathroom just as soon as they hit the cold weather, so Mom would have to help them undress enough to go to the bathroom and then, the whole process would start over again.  Even with double socks and great big boots, our feet would get cold in no time as we crunched through the snow.  We'd stomp off as much snow as possible before we climbed in the car, some of the little kids sitting on us big kids which none of us minded cause it was warmer!  On really cold days, mom and dad would pile quilts under us and on top of us and off we'd go, teeth chattering almost all the way to church.

The gravel road to church was hilly and straight as it cut through the countryside, over the frozen river on the old wooden bridge and through the woods.  Dad thought it was funny to drive fast and Mom would fuss at him and tell him to slow down and my little brothers would squeal with delight every time we left our stomachs at the last hill.  I learned that fear causes adrenaline and adrenaline warms you up, so maybe, there was some method to Dad's Sunday morning rush ... or maybe taking the boys back into the house to use the bathroom had made us late for church?  Either way, Dad liked to drive FAST and we always got there on time. 

Us kids were too small to drink coffee but all of the adults did and the smell of coffee and the wood burning stove filled every corner of the church, from the sanctuary all the way to the basement nursery and Sunday school rooms.  It was always warm and toasty in the church. 

To this day, the smell of STRONG coffee and a wood fire take me back to that little Lutheran Church in the snow.

The coffee was made in a HUGE electric coffee pot about the size of a five gallon pail.  The grounds, a raw egg and salt were put in the filter at the top and the water was percolated through the filter over and over while the minister preached in a Norwegian accent about the gooodnoos ov Good (always heavy on the Os).  He wasn't long winded, but his thick accent made it sound like he was singing as he spoke and us kids usually fell asleep, leaning on each other down the row, but never for long. 

The Lutherans like to stand up to recite a verse together and sit down to listen and stand up to sing and sit down to listen and stand up to pray and sit down to give thanks and collect the offering and stand up to sing and then we are all excused to fellowship in the warmth of the basement.

It didn't take long for the men to sit down at the tables where coffee was served and big trays of rolls and breads and cookies and bars and biscuits filled the long tables with white table cloths and folding chairs on both sides.  The women took off their hats and put on pretty embroidered aprons so they could work in the kitchen on coffee and more trays and washing dishes or serve the guys and us kids more coffee, cocoa or milk and fill up the trays.  The men joked and talked about their week.  The old men argued about who had the coldest temperature on their personal thermometer and told jokes about how they KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that they, in fact, had the coldest cold weather story.  In the summer, men compete about the fishing.  In the winter, they compete about the cold.  And if there is even the slightest lull in conversation, one of the men will tell a Ole and Lena joke that could occasionally include their friends, Sven and Lars.

The women would laugh at the men in the other room and talk about their kids and new recipes.  Some of the younger women tended to the children in the nursery and still others watched us older kids run through the hall scooting over, under and around chairs as we sampled a cookie here and a bar there.  If we wanted cocoa or milk with the cookies, we had to sit at the table and act like "civilized human beings" which we were capable of doing under the watchful eyesof our Sunday School teacher or an aunt or an older cousin because none of us wanted to "get in trouble" and we knew they'd tell our Mom and Dad for sure.  We would sip our drink and eat our cookie slowly and pretend we were like our folks talking about recipes and telling our own Ole and Lena jokes.  We didn't know any recipes or jokes so we used our imagination. 

The ladies would gather up the food, take up the table clothes and finish washing the dishes while the men would fold up the chairs and stack up the tables and move towards the door.  Always, as if not wanting the fellowship to end, the very last thing to be done was to empty the last of the coffee into the big sink so that the coffee pot could be cleaned and ready for another Sunday and Strong Lutheran Coffee.



Today, we explored Antique Shops in the mountains.  It wasn't Minnesota Cold but it was chilly enough for me to wear one of my Norwegian sweaters.  We walked into an OLD hardware store that still sold some of the things we had when we were kids.  It was like walking into a museum and exploring the contents of a time machine.  I walked over the creaky wood floor to the back of the store and smelled STRONG coffee.  I shut my eyes and suddenly I was in that little church surrounded by my grandparents and aunts and uncles.  I lost five uncles and an aunt last year so I held my breath, not wanting the memory to fade too fast, holding on to the moment as long as I could.  I loved the jokes, the laughter, the lessons learned in church and the fellowship hall about being "civilized human beings", about doing good because it was what good people do, about not littering, not wasting food, watching out for the younger kids, never eating the last cookie or bar without asking if anyone else wanted it first ... If only I could hear their voices raised one more time in beautiful four part harmony ... and just then, in an old hardware store in the mountains of North Carolina, the CD changed to an old hymn and I found myself singing alto to the parts that they would have sang.

Today was a play day, wandering through the mountains, stopping to take in the views, explore some new places, and as it turns out, I got to visit with my relatives over coffee.

Our loved ones never really go away.  The love they gave lives on in us ... I wrote this earlier this year after the passing of one of those ...

I have not mastered endings ...

I don't know that I shall ever get it right.

My heart breaks at the loss of every loved one ...

I do not know how to say good-bye

to even one of those

ripped from my life ...

I know with my head

that people come and people go,

Tides come in and tides go out,

Night has to follow day

so that day can follow night,

Flowers need sunshine and rain

to be beautiful and strong ...

I know this with my head.

 

What JOY there must be in heaven

at the collection

of so many precious saints!

I can close my eyes and imagine them ...

the hugs and the cheer ...
I can see them at their finest,

shining from the inside out.

I am grateful for their health

and return to vitality.

I can feel them saying ...

"Don't miss me too much. 

I really like it here!

We'll see each other soon enough.

You'll really like the view!

You haven't really lost us.

We're there inside of you ...

as close as our memory,

Our words can replay at will.

You'll hear our love played back to you

Because we love you still.

 

Whether death takes a loved one

to that other place,

Or life moves a loved one

to fill another space ...

The end result is the same

to those of us who are left behind ...

We close our eyes and think of them,

knowing that they are gone ...

but knowing too

that they're here inside of us ...

as close as our memory,

Our words can replay at will.

We'll hear their love played back to us

Because we love them still.

 

Maybe, we don't have to master endings

when nothing really ends ...

Once someone touches our life

and we share each other's heart,

Love creates a ripple

that grows into a wave ...

that carries us through our life

and way beyond the grave.

Living Abundantly - Choosing To Simplify

 

I don't have all of life figured out and don't want to sound like it, but 99.9% of the stress in our lives is brought on by our own choices.  Life brings us enough trials and challenges without us adding to it!  We are a society of consumers.  If one is good, a dozen is better, but is it really?

I think we can contribute to our own abundance by buying LESS ... a LOT LESS.  I have used shopping to comfort myself more than once ... but there are other ways ... BETTER ways to find comfort. 

I am not a name brand shopper and never have been impressed by labels but some people are.  It's not enough to have GOOD.  They have to have the BEST and the best is something with a specific label, but is it really the best?  It's certainly not the best buy, and a pair of Paris Hilton Jeans is not going to last one minute longer than a pair of plain old Wranglers or Lee jeans.  What about our kids?  What kind of values are we giving our kids if they judge value by a label and not the workmanship itself?  I have a friend who told me that no matter what she has bought her niece and nephew, her sister-in-law will not even let her young children wear it if it isn't from THE GAP.  Period.  (shaking my head)  The sister-in-law is bypassing good manners (we always had to wear our gifts at least once in front of our aunts, uncles or grandparents AND we had to say THANK YOU and sound like we meant it) and family bonding (aunts and uncles LOVE to GIVE to kids who appreciate it) so that SHE can have her kids wear HER FAVORITE label.  Sad.

You know, no matter how GOOD "our stuff" is, nothing we can pay money for has the ability to define who we are.  I am who I am.  YOU are WHO YOU ARE.  It's not where we live, where we work, what kind of vehicle we drive, what kind of clothes we wear, what kind of places we shop or what kind of food we eat.  It's not who our Daddy was or who our friends are. 

It's the person we are when we face our self in the mirror every morning ... It's the things we do when we don't think anyone can see us ... It's the cares that fill our hearts ... It's the kindness we give without expecting anything in return ... It's the love that has changed our own lives ... that defines who we are. 

When we know that, we are ready to declare to the universe that we are prepared to live a life of abundance ... Here's where I'm starting ...  

1.

FIRST SUGGESTION:

Get organized.

Go through your closets.  If you haven't worn it in over two years, donate it, sell it or throw it away!  Save ONLY the things that look FABULOUS on you and are COMFORTABLE.  We only really wear about a third of what's in our closet so if we get rid of the two thirds we don't wear, we'll actually be able to do a better job of mixing and matching our favorites.
The rest of our house is the same way.  If it isn't absolutely gorgeous or useful, donate it, sell it or throw it away! 
I had a cappuccino machine.  Loved the idea of it, but I only used it twice.  My neighbor made the BEST cappuccino every weekend and her machine broke.  I gave her mine.  I had more room.  She really used it.  Everybody won!

 

 

 

2.

 

 

Second Suggestion:

Refuse to buy ANYTHING until using up what is already there!

I went through my cupboards and closets and realized that I have way too much of EVERYTHING!  How many shampoos do I need?  How many tubes of lipstick will I really use?  Those things never "go bad" but I don't want to end up like one of those old ladies with closets full of stuff I could never possibly live long enough to use!
           

 

 

3.

Third Suggestion:

Check EBay first when considering a new purchase. 

You don't have to buy the first thing you see.  For two weeks, watch the category and see what they sell for.  Don't buy anything unless it's EXACTLY what you want!  Otherwise, print out a picture or two or three and place it where you hope to place the item and see if you even like it there!
There are some things that just don't work on the Internet.  I like to FEEL how a fabric feels.  I like to try clothes on.  Sizes don't always run the same.  If you are looking for something that positively has to match something else, you might have to actually SEE the product first.

 

4.

 

 

Fourth Suggestion:

Price shop.  Price Shop.  Price Shop.

Search with a list of what you are looking for including features and a picture.  Sometimes, I don't even bring money or checkbook or credit cards on a reconnaissance mission.  I am an impulse shopper.  I have wasted a lot of money, buying the first thing I saw rather than taking the time to truly comparison shop.  The internet cancut down a lot on the footwork.  Almost every store has a supporting website.
I am looking for new bookcases.  I have checked several sites, measured my space and several potential shelves and thought I had it narrowed down.  I went to the store to check out their floor sample and found out that it wasn't wood at all but plastic (they call it composite material) and one of the drawers was already broken (you can't repair composite material with a simple hammer and nail either).
I haven't found anything I like better than what I already have so I'll wait.  I'll find the right thing.  It's not an "emergency" bookcase!
If you are looking for a service, ask friends for referrals and then ask two or three companies for quotes.  I have a friend building a house and some of her quotes for the very same service have been TWICE what others are!

 

5.

 

Fifth Suggestion:
 
Make it fun!  Play "Deal or No Deal" with yourself!

I am NOT the most frugal woman in the world.  I like buying quality things but I like bargains too.  After years and years of buying two or three "bargains" before I finally find the PERFECT THING, it's finally sinking in that it's not a bargain if ...

1.   It's not going to do the job.

2.   It won't last because it is poorly made.
3.   It doesn't really go with what I am trying to match and close

      doesn't count when it's still going to be the ...
               wrong color

               wrong size

               wrong shape

               wrong material
               wrong style

4.   I don't REALLY LOVE it.

5.   It's not useful.

"Bargains" and "Sales" are a way for stores and businesses to liquidate their stock and that works out GREAT if they are selling something I truly NEED, but I am through cluttering my house up with other people's junk!

 

 

And with that,
I close my eyes and send good energy
and
warm motivation to all of you.
Surround yourself with beauty and the things you truly love.

If you don't love something
and it's outlived it's usefulness in your household,

let it go to someone who might
find renewed interest in your old stuff.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, right?

I just don't want my house to be more trash than treasure!
I was beginning to feel like
the island of misfit toys,

with closets full of things
I was going to fix or paint or sew ... someday.
Someday never came.

Cleaning day is HERE!
A more abundant life begins ... today.


By the way
(holding up a really cool thing)
You want this?

WINTRY MIX

 

It's a COLD & RAINY, SLEETY, ICY WINTRY MIX kinda day in the Carolinas. 

Too much ice and we will lose our power, sometimes for up to a week!  Preparation for that possibility means filling jugs with water; making sure we have bread, sandwich stuff, fruit and granola bars; stacking wood by the back door where it will be dry and handy if we need it, checking the propane tank on the gas grill, getting candles and oil lamps ready, charge all batteries (we can run a few work lights and a small tv), wash any clothes or dishes while we still have power, and fill coolers with ice, just in case I have to empty the refrigerator into coolers.

It has come to be a "camping like experience", a quiet time in front of the fire, catching up on my reading while the light holds out.  Cooking can be a pain, but it's not so bad.  We're ready for whatever weather comes this way.

While I'm making preparations for our wintry mix, I thought I'd share an email I got with quotes from the old Hollywood Squares show ... On a cold, gray day like today, a little humor goes a long way!

 

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions. Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde:  If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver:  Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel:  Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts:  That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you won't forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Wishing you all a WARM day!
Find someone to snuggle with and
Drink LOTS of cocoa!

The FOURTH of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

 

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

There is one more agreement, but it's the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits.  The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.

Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more and no less.  But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next.  Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.  When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night.  Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, or sober as opposed to drunk.  Your best will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy or upset, angry or jealous.

In your everyday moods your best can change from one moment to another, from one hour to the next, from one day to another.  Your best will also change over time.  As you build the habit of the four new agreements, your best will become better than it used to be.

Regardless of the quality, keep doing your best - no more and no less than your best.

You are not here to sacrifice your joy or your life.  You are here to live, to be happy, and to love ... Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely.  You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything.  But it is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy.  When you always do your best, you take action.  Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward ...

If we like what we do, if we always do our best, then we are really enjoying life.  We are having fun, we don't get bored, we don't have frustrations ... DOING YOUR BEST REALLY DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WORK BECAUSE YOU ENJOY WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING. 

Action is about living fully.  Inaction is the way that we deny life.  Inaction is sitting in frontof the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.  Expressing what you are is taking action.  YOU CAN HAVE MANY GREAT IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD, BUT WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE IS ACTION.  WITHOUT ACTION UPON AN IDEA, THERE WILL BE NO MANIFESTATION, NO RESULTS AND NO REWARD.

God is life.  God is life in action.  The best way to say, I love you God", is to live your life doing your best.  The best way to say, "Thank You God," is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and right now.  Whatever life takes away from you, let it go.  When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment.  Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now.

There is no time to miss anyone or anything because you are alive.  Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive.  This leads to self-pity, suffering and tears. 

You were born with the right to be happy.  You were born with the right to love, to enjoy and to share your love.  You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it.  Don't resist life passing through you, because that is God passing through you.  Just your existence proves the existence of God.  Your existence prove the existence of life and energy.

We don't need to know or prove anything.  Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy life, is all that matters.  Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes.  You have the right to be you.  You can only be you when you do your best.

By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time.  You don't need to judge yourself, feel guilty, or punish yourself if you cannot keep these agreements ... If you do your best in the search for personal freedom, in the search for self-love, you will discover that it's just a matter of time before you find what you are looking for. 

Do not be concerned about the future; keep your attention on today, and stay in the present moment.  Just live one day at a time.  ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST to keep these agreements, and soon, it will be easy foryou.  Today is the beginning of a new dream. 

Powerful!  I have been excited about this point of view from the first time I read it.  I understand more about myself every time I return to this book.  I am sharing it with you but it is your choice what to do with it.  Just trying my best to keep the Four Agreements creates opportunities to praise myself every time I catch myself doing something right!  Over my lifetime, I have accepted other agreements about me, my life, my family, and the world and not all of them were kind to me, my life, my family and the world. 

Some of those ideas held me back and opened me up to abusing myself.  Those false beliefs opened me up to receive other people's beliefs that matched my own poison and exchanging that kind of poison is just two people abusing each other.  I was a victim.  Because I was saying negative things to myself, I allowed other people to say the same things to me because deep down, I already thought those things were true.  They weren't true.  I did dumb things but I am NOT a dumb person.  I made mistakes but I am NOT a mistake.  I needed to forgive myself for getting me into some of those messes and then relegate those messes to the past where they belong. 

Bad things could have happened a year ago or ten years ago but they are in the past.  The only way they can hurt me now is if I bring them back.  Some things hurt like heck years ago but they don't have to come back and hurt me 30 seconds ago!  There is no good that will come out of keeping that pain alive. 

If I can forgive me, I can apply the same forgiveness to the people who might have hurt me.  Using the Four Agreements, I can accept that what they did at the time was more about them than it was about me.  I can't make any assumption about what they did or why they did it because I do not know, and even if I asked that person, they may not know either.  Anger, Jealousy, Rage all come from fear ... and the ones who hurt us may not know or be ready to know why they hurt us because they are still so busy hurting themselves.  Doing our best means having compassion for ourselves, and the ones around us.  

If I keep my speech impeccable, if I don't take anything personally, if I don't make assumptions, and if I do my best every day for all the days of my life, that is all that I can do.  If others choose to do the same thing, that is their choice.  If others choose not to do the same thing, that is also their choice. 

I can only do what I can do to make my life a better place for me.  Like Don Miguel Ruiz says, "Today is the beginning of a new dream."
 
 

4.  ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST.  
We can practice the FOUR AGREEMENTS every day.  Some days will be good.  Some days will be not so good.  Our circumstances may change.  Our energy level and insights might fluctuate but we can still ALWAYS DO OUR BEST.



 

The THIRD of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything.  The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are truth.  We could swear they are real.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our words.  That is why whenever we make assumptions, we are asking for problems.  We make assumptions, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.  We create a lot of emotional poison when we only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.  We don't perceive things the way they are.  Because we don't understand something, we make assumptions about the meaning, and when the truth comes out ... we find out it was not what we thought at all.

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems.  Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want.  We assume they are going to do what we want, because they know us so well.  If they don't do what we assume they should do, we feel hurt and say, "You should have known." 

When we believe in something we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position.  We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do.  We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse.  This is the biggest assumption that humans make.  And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others.  Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us. abuse us and blame us as we do ourselves.  So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. 

Often when you go into a relationship with someone you like, you have to justify why you like that person.  You only see what you want to see and you deny there are things you don't like about that person.

Your love will not change anybody. 

If others change, it's because they want to change, not because you can change them.  Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt.  Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before, only now it is amplified by your emotional poison.  Now you have to justify your emotional pain and blame them for your choices.

REAL LOVE IS ACCEPTING OTHER PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE WITHOUT TRYING TO CHANGE THEM. 

If we try to change them, this means we don't really like them ... If others feel they have to change you, that means they really don't love you just the way you are.  So why be with someone if you're not the way he or she wants you to be?

The way to keep yourself from making assumption is to ask questions.  Make sure the communication is clear.  If you don't understand, ask.  Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be, and even then do not assume you know all there is to know about a given situation.  Once you hear the answer, you will not have to make assumptions because you will know the truth.

Also, find your voice to ask for what you want.  Everybody has the right to tell you no or yes, but you always have the right to ask.  Likewise, everybody has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.

If you don't understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption ... With clear communication, all of your relationships will change, not only with your partner, but with everyone else.  You won't need to make assumptions because everything becomes so clear.

The Third Agreement id Don't make assumptions.  Just saying that sounds easy, but I understand that it is difficult to do.  It is difficult because we so often do exactly the opposite.  We have all those habits and routines that we are not even aware of.  Becoming aware of these habits and understanding the importance of this agreement is the first step.  What will really make the difference is action. 

After many repetitions these agreements will become second nature ... and your whole life will be transformed.  What you need comes to you easily because spirit moves freely through you.



I read Don Miguel's words and agreed with him.  He did make it sound easy, but it was tough.  It felt awkward to think through "every little thing", especially when I was so accustomed to "flying by the seat of my pants".  I had spent my whole life leaning on my own understanding and trusting my gut but my gut had taken me down some pretty goofy roads.  I had always thought I "knew" things because I did have good intuition about a few things ... but I had to be honest with myself.  How many times had that kind of thinking taken me down the wrong road?  

The Four Agreements take practice ... lots of practice ... and I still don't always get it right.  I call those times "jumping to confusion".  I can feel the drama almost as soon as the curtain goes up!  On a good day, I can self-correct before it even gets started.  On a bad day, I can still get pulled into someone's drama or even create some of my own.

It is hardest for me to maintain and walk the four agreements with my kids. 

One of my daughters has continually made bad choices in her relationships.  I get hooked the drama created by her bad choices because I feel guilty.  I wonder if she learned to make those bad choices from me?  I wrongly accept responsibility for her actions and assumed that since I got her into this mess, it is my job to get her out.  I have spent a lot of time, money and energy on elaborate "search and rescue missions".  She got the attention she wanted every time and I got to feel like a hero once more but the whole situation was unhealthy for both of us.  Her choices are her choices.  She never learned from them as long as I accepted the consequences.  In fact, anytime she wanted a little attention, she repeated those same choices and we'd all play our parts. 

Recently, she hooked up with a man who seems to be the worst of all that have come before.  She is doing all the typical things ... building him up as the PERFECT man, sharing all these DREAMY ideas about her future, and CHANGING her whole personality to fit his.  I have to stay in the real world where no one is perfect and dreams are nice but show me some real work.  But most of all, why change for someone else?  She can't keep that up forever.  Sooner or later, the real person comes out and I want for her to be with someone who loves her for who she REALLY is, not someone she pretends to be. 

Instead of "playing my usual part", I told her what I just told you.  I love her but I can't play an active part in her pretend world anymore.  When she's ready to get back to the real world, I'll be right here waiting for her but the days of rushing in to save her are over for me.  My course is clear.  I worry about whether I am being a good mother still, but there is a bigger part of me that hopes that if she is faced with rescuing herself, she might actually learn to make better choices.  I have hope.

I don't know where her path will take her but I have to let go.  I can't assume this time will be the same as all the rest because, even though I am her mother, it is none of my business anymore.  This is her life.  I hope she figures it out.  I can't and won't save her if she doesn't figure it out the first time, the second time or even the 237th time.  It's up to her now.

Being able to make a clear decision about what is right for me is partly because of the four agreements.  The Four Agreements have replaced a lot of the negative agreements I used to live by ... all the "shoulds" ... all the "rules" ... all the "ideas" that were just plain wrong.  They never worked for me before but they felt familiar so I held on to them even though they hurt me and the people around me. 

I do not know what goofy ideas you are holding unto but if something isn't working in your life, it might be one or more of those negative agreements influencing you and your feelings?  There are some things we just won't be able to change or do anything about, but we can always do something about the way we feel or how we choose to react to those things.  Dealing with things the same way over and over again, expecting different results, when they have never worked before, is a form of insanity.

Maybe, the Four Agreements will work?
The FIRST is to KEEP OUR SPEECH IMPECCABLE
The SECOND is to DON'T TAKE THING PERSONALLY
The THIRD is to ...    



3.  DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING. 
Things are the way they are.  Good or bad, this is where we are ... to learn from THIS moment.  We are cheating ourselves when we assume we know why people, places and things are the way they are.  Assuming only creates emotional poison and unnecessary drama.  We will all know what we need to know when it is the right time to know it.  Think of the trouble in our lives we could have avoided by just stopping ourselves from making assumptions!

   

 

The SECOND of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and action of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally.  For example, if I see you on the street and I say, Hey, you are so stupid," without knowing you; it's about me.  If you take it personally, perhaps it's because you believe you are stupid.  Maybe, you think to yourself, "How does he know?  Is he clairvoyant or can everybody see how stupid I am?"

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said.  As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell taking things personally is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me".  We think we are responsible for everything.  Me, me, me, always me!    

Nothing other people do is because of you.  It is because of themselves.  Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.  What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. 

What you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made - and these opinions have nothing to do with me ... I know it is your problem and not my problem.  It is the way you see the world.  It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not me. 

Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.  You may even tell me, "Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me." But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said.  You are hurting yourself ...

Then if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.  I am the excuse for youto get mad.  And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.  If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get mad at me.  If you are not afraid, there is no way that you will get jealous or sad. 

If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of these emotions.  When you feel good, everything around you is good.  When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy.  You are loving everything that is around you, because you are loving yourself.  Because you like the way you are.  Because you are content with you.  Because you are happy with your life ...

Don't take anything personally. 

Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it is nothing personal.  Even at that extreme ...

Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself.  Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves.  You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not believe what someone says to you.  Even if others lie to you, it is okay.  They are lying to you because they are afraid.  They are afraid that you will discover that they are not perfect. 

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you ... walking away may hurt for a little while, but your heart will eventually heal.  Then you can choose what you really want ... Someone can intentionally send you emotional poison, and if you don't take it personally, you will not receive it.  When you don't take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won't need to place your trust in what others do or say.  You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.  You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.

You can say "I love you" without fear of being ridiculed or rejected.  You can ask for what you need.  You can say yes, or you can say no - whatever you choose - without guilt or self-judgment.  You can choose to follow your heart always. 

Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness.  You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not effect you at all.



The first time I read this, it seemed way too simple.  I was at a place where what everyone else thought mattered to me way more than what I thought.  In fact, I am not sure I even knew, at the time, what I thought about so many things.  Other people's words wounded me easily and I took criticism to heart but it got me to thinking ... "What if that's really true?" 

I thought about the people closest to me and asked myself, "How well do I really know any of them?" and for the sake of my own growth, "If I don't really know them, how well can they know me?" and "If we don't really know each other after all the time we have spent together, how can we truly KNOW what the other person thinks or feels?" and "How can anyone know what I think and feel when I don't even know myself?"

That thought process changed the way I heard everything that was said to me after that.  I listened from a totally different place.  Instead of reacting to every word that was spoken, I was able to really hear what the person was saying.

I learned another listening skill at the same time that really helped my communication with people.  If someone said something that seemed totally out of context, I just repeated what they said with a question mark at the end.  Usually, they would explain or add information to what they had said.  If I still didn't understand, I would say, "What do you mean?" 

Given the opportunity to explain their own thoughts usually helped them as much as it did me!  Sometimes, I would notice that by the end of our conversation, what they had said in the beginning was almost exactly the opposite of what they had originally said!  Maybe, at the beginning of the conversation, they were upset or even angry about something, but once they had a chance to explain what had upset them and truly be heard, they felt better and so did I!

It's wonderful when it works out that way, but sometimes it didn't.  I had conversations where others were too lost in their own anger and bitterness or poison, as Don Miguel calls it, to be able to sort out their thoughts and their feelings.  Since I had only just begun to let go of the poisonin my own life and am still working on it everyday, it was much easier to accept that everyone is at different places.  Some are still "holding on to their poisons".  Maybe, they don't know how to get away from their pain or their hurt?  I didn't!  I had carried hurt around like a badge of courage for years!

The First Agreement changed the way I spoke.  The Second Agreement changed the way I listened.



2.  DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. 

What people say to you says more about them than it does about you ... good or bad.  People can only see the world the way the world has treated them.  If the world has been kind to them, they are kind to you and expect you to be kind.  If the world has been cruel to them, they will be cruel to you and expect you to be cruel.  Maybe it isn't even about being kind or cruel ... Maybe, we just crossed their path at the end of a really bad day?

 

The FIRST of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

1.   BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic.  But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.  Depending on how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know. 

All the magic you possess is based on your word ... when you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself ... Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.  If you make an agreement with yourself to be impeccable with your word, just with that intention, the truth will manifest through you and clean all the emotional poison that exists within you.

 

Most of us say things everyday without giving our words too much thought.  Without thinking, we say ...

"I don't like the way I look."
"I never have enough money to do the things I want."
"I don't know how to organize my time."
or even ...
"I hate (fill in the blank about something you don't like about yourself)" ...

Where does negative self talk lead?  It defeats us before we even get started.  It immobilizes us.  It stops us in our tracks.

It can have the same effect on the people around us.  Imagine for a minute that Mom has had a really hectic day.  It's felt chaotic and all her plans have been side-tracked or delayed.  She comes home to make supper and while she is cooking, the tv is blaring, her teenager's boom box is booming, one of the smaller children is fussing in the other room and her 5 or 6 year old walks in singing a new song she just learned in school.  In overwhelmed frustration, Mom turns to the 5-6 year old and says, "Please stop singing.  It's giving me a headache!" 

The 5-6 year old singing wasn't causing the headache.  It was just the last thing ... the final straw in Mom's chaotic day ... BUT the 5-6 year old worships her Mommy and if her singing was bad enough to give Mommy a headache, the five-six year old now believes she must have a terrible voice and the 5-6 year old grows up, rarely singing because she doesn't want to give anyone a headache with her bad voice!

That's an extreme example, but how many of us accepted the labels that were put on us like "the clown", "the pretty one", or "the smart one"?  As we grow up, people feed us information about us and the world around us but most of the things other people say are JUST their opinion and nothing more.  After all, it is not a FACT.  Those little contracts, for the sake of this discussion, are "agreements" that we gather as we grow up, thousands and thousands of little agreements that weight us down or build us up.

In the same way, we freely share our opinions with the people around us, adding "agreements" to the lives of others.  Thousands and thousands of little agreements that weigh them down or build them up.

Most of us don't mean any harm when we say the things we say.  We are merely stating our opinion.  We have no idea what weight our opinion might carry or how it impacts another person ... but rest
assured, YOUR OPINIONS DO HAVE IMPACT!

You can't do one thing about the things you have already said.  Of course, you can apologize for the "really bad things" you have said and hope to make amends but we are talking about THOUSANDS of little agreements you have made over a lifetime.  You can't remember them all.

You can change the way you communicate today.  Your words have power.  You can speak "new life" into someone's dream or you can speak "death" to someone's idea, even your own dreams and ideas.  If your words have the power to bless or curse yourself or someone else, it only makes sense to be more mindful of the things you say.

If someone asks you a question and you really don't know the answer, it is better to just say, "I don't know."  If someone wants your advice about what to do in their life, it is better to ask them, "What do they want to do?" and discuss options that they have rather than to send them in the wrong direction.  I am not saying that we should all become philosophical monks answering every question with a question.  We're not impeccable when we pretend to be someone we aren't.  We have to BE REAL with ourselves and others.  We are all where we are today, with the people we are with for a reason.  We are meant to learn from each other.  Some of us are "natural leaders" and some of us are "natural followers".  The integrity of those relationships are maintained when leaders become mindful of the direction they are taking people ... and ... followers become mindful of their own feelings of where they are going.  Neither is expected to change their personality to be impeccable with their speech.  Both are capable of maintaining integrity and healthy boundaries in their relationships.

It starts with what we say.  Our words become our actions.  Our words set the tone of our conversations, our days, our lives ... 

We can transform our lives by replacing any negative agreements with the The FOUR AGREEMENTS.  The first agreement is ... 1.  KEEP YOUR SPEECH IMPECCABLE.  Your words have power ... the power to bless or curse so why not use them to bless yourself and others?  It's easy to give in to random negative thoughts, to judge, to criticize, to doubt, to worry, to fret, but what if all those negative words had gone unsaid?  What would happen if we were committed to making our speech more authentic and infused our words with more wisdom and integrity?  What if we always meant what we said and said what we meant?