Slice Of Life - Saturday Seven

         

 

1.  SWEET CHARITY  

We went to the Broadway Musical, Sweet Charity starring Molly Ringwold (  Molly Ringwald as Sweet Charity - www.sweetcharityontour.com  ) last night.  The play was good.  Molly Ringwald is no Liza Minelli, but she did play Annie when she was a little girl ... I can see that ... Can't you? 

 

I found myself asking ... Why is a play in Greenville, SC, called a BROADWAY musical.  I'm pretty sure Greenville, SC, is WAY OFF BROADWAY!

 

2.  A BUMP IN THE ROAD 

On the way to the play, traffic on the Interstate slowed to a crawl.  I weaved in and through traffic (running late as usual) and when I got to the front of the pack, I looked over and saw four young Mexican men in a car that was way too old to even be on the road, driving slow but probably as fast as they could in the passing lane.  They looked scared and confused.

I felt sorry for them.  I'm not sure they knew their car or the rules of the road and yet, the GREAT STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA will issue a Driver's License to anyone, without a birth certificate or a permanent address!  That will end up biting them in the butt, but how many lives will it cost on the roads first?  Man, our country needs to get a handle on this stuff!


3.  KIDS ARE KIDS 

Seeing those boys made me think ... If I were Mexican, would I want those boys to be representative of my race or would I be embarrassed?

I know race is a HOT POTATO SUBJECT, but it's okay for me to have these thoughts run through my mind because I'm the only one in there!  Kids are kids.  As you might imagine, race is a big deal in South Carolina.  It's hard to go anywhere and not hear someone look at a kid doing something stupid and mutter a racial slur under their breath ... and sad to say, those mutterings come from all races about all races, so nobody's left out ... BUT kids are kids.  We can find bad ones if we look for them, but we can find good ones too of all races ...

 

When I see someone doing something odd, I try to think of possible "other sides of the story" like maybe, those boys were on their way to Greenville because they had just found out their Mom was in the hospital?  They looked scared because they were worried about their Mom ... It is possible.  After doing this for a while, people don't seem so odd to me anymore ... They're just doing the best they can with what they have got at the time.


4.  SOCKS 

I got up this morning and did laundry.  Not an exciting Saturday morning, but necessary, just the same.  I noticed their was lint on the other side of the lint trap too.  I pulled it out and looked inside the place where lint goes and it's full, even after emptying the lint trap every time!  I got out the vacuum and got a bunch of it, the whole time wondering where in the world does all the lint come from?!!!  No wonder clothes get thinner and thinner as we wash them!  They are losing little fibers with every wash!

 

And while I'm wondering ... Where DO all those socks go?


5.  SHOES  

Speaking of socks, have you ever noticed all the shoes laying on the sides of the road?  Did you ever wonder why they were there?  How does that happen?

 

Possible ways could be:

1.  Someone set them on the trunk or back bumper and forgot about them?
2.  Someone wore comfortable shoes to church, wedding, funeral, party and changed into the "good uncomfortable ones" when they went inside and forgot they left the other pair on top of the car?

3.  Someone got mad at their brother or sister and threw their "stinky old shoe" out the window?
4.  Someone had their foot hanging out the window and their shoe fell off?
5.  Snooze ... You lose?
6.  Someone was cleaning out their car and accidentally threw their shoes out worth the rest of the trash? (litterbugs make me CRAZY!!!)
7.  Someone took being barefoot and pregnant seriously?

I don't know ... but someone could make a living collecting all the shoes and hubcaps and reselling them to people looking for matches ... like Replacements (the china and silver company that can match the sets you already have).  They could call it HUBS & SHOES ... for the ones you lose ...

 

6.  POLLEN-HATED

I dusted again today ... for the THIRD time this week!  We don't leave the doors or windows open with all the pollen, but somehow it gets in!  We rinse our cars off every morning and every night and still they get covered. 

Joey and I don't have allergies (thank goodness) but the amount of pollen is bothersome anyway.  It gets in our eyes and feels like grit or sand.  We are clearing our throats more, sneezing occasionally, and coughing when we get too big of a whiff ... Now, I know all THOSE are symptoms of allergies, but we are the lucky ones ... People with REAL allergies are wearing masks if they are outdoors for any time at all, have red, swollen eyes, drippy noses, cold and flu symptoms and have a hard time breathing at all ... My heart goes out to them.  It makes me want to carry home-made chicken soup to every one I know that suffers so.


7.  COOKING SHOW WE WOULDN'T MISS

 

Speaking of cooking ... We have a new favorite.  It's not Wolfgang Puck or Emeril.  We love the Food Network, but nothing they have is as funny as this show.  Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner has a cooking show on the local religious channel, WGGS (also WATC in Atlanta), called You Can Make It   

You see, Tammy Faye can NOT cook ... anything ... not toast ... not boil water ... not even spread butter on a cracker!  She is there to learn, I think, but in an effort to make conversation, she says the funniest things like ...

(when introducing a friend)

This is my friend who has always believed in me.  He called me up and invited me to his outdoor flea market in Missouri to perform for the people there.  He told me he had the biggest thing in Missouri and he was right.  I went there and his love just filled me up.
Did she just say what I think she said?

(on buttering a roll)

Now, could you use any knife?
... and the other guy talked for 5 minutes about using any knife except for one that was fresh out of the dishwasher because it would be so hot ...
She interrupted, "Will it burn the butter?"

"No, Tammy, let me show you ... if you heat up this knife and try to butter the bread, the butter will just slide off."
Oh!  That's a really good tip!  Always use a cool knife when you are spreading butter!"

(on making chili)

They forgot to turn the stove on the hamburger meat so it wasn't cooking at all while they talked.  Tammy kept stirring the meat and said,

"This isn't going to be very good with raw meat.  Am I doing something wrong?"

The woman with her said, "Why, Tammy, you forgot to turn the stove on!"
Tammy said, "Well, what do we do?  Can we still use the meat?"

Today, she interviewed a local Sushi Chef.  He's somewhat of a celebrity in our area and he graciously showed them how to prepare sushi.  When it came time to taste his food, Tammy put his food up to take a bite and said, "I'm sorry.  I just can't eat this.  I just can't.  I'll eat the rice, but I can't eat this."  She could have quietly stood back while the others tasted it but she went ON AND ON, and the Sushi Chef started twitching every time Tammy said, "I couldn't eat this."  We laughed so hard, we almost fell out of our chairs.
They went to a commercial break and the CHEF was NOT there when they came back on ...

Tammy Faye is from Minnesota originally (same state as I grew up in) and she still has the very rural Scandinavian flavored accent from back home.  She must be the only woman raised in Minnesota that CAN'T cook (shaking my head), but she doesn't let that stop her from hosting YOU CAN MAKE IT.  Every Saturday, on WGGS, she lives what every one in Minnesota already knows "You can always tell a Scandinavian, but you can't tell them MUCH"!  But we are a happy people ... lol ... and she rambles into the funniest things.  She talks about how much she loves to shop and how much she like shoes while she's making basic recipes like cornbread and barbecue.  It's great.



Well, there you have it ... seven things from my REAL life!  Don't you wish you could stop by for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie?  I'd love to have you over!  Look at the things we would talk about! 

       

There Are Angels Among Us

 and feeling very thankful

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Yesterday, I talked about Post Traumatic Stress.  If you have ever had it, you already know what it is, but if you haven't experienced it for yourself, it might be hard for you to understand ...


What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder that's triggered by your memories of a traumatic event — an event that directly affected you or an event that you witnessed.

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may develop following exposure to extreme trauma.
• Extreme trauma is a terrifying event or ordeal that a person has experienced, witnessed or learned about, especially one that is life-threatening or causes physical harm. It can be a single event or repeated experience.
• The experience causes that person to feel intense fear, horror or a sense of helplessness.
• The stress caused by trauma can affect all aspects of a person’s life, including mental, emotional and physical well-being.
• Research suggests that prolonged trauma may disrupt and alter brain chemistry. For some people, this may lead to the development of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The disorder commonly affects survivors of traumatic events, such as domestic violence, sexual assault, physical assault, war, torture, a natural disaster, an automobile accident, an airplane crash, a hostage situation or a death camp. Post traumatic stress disorder also can affect rescue workers at the site of an airplane crash or a mass shooting. It can affect someone who witnessed a tragic accident.


Why Should we learn About Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Not everyone involved in a traumatic event experiences post-traumatic stress disorder. However, the disorder affects more than 5 million adults each year in the United States. You or someone you know may experience trauma at some time in your life!  Learning about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can help you: Cope with Trauma and / or help others.

Signs and symptoms

Signs and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder typically appear within three months of the traumatic event. However, in some instances, they may not occur until years after the event and may include: 

• Anxiety
• Anger 
• Avoiding anything that reminds the survivor of the incident  (those reminders can be thoughts, feelings, activities, places, people, songs or movies, even colors that might remind you of what happened) 
• Physiological reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event ... may include an increase in blood pressure, a rapid heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, nausea and diarrhea
• Insomnia
• Recurrent memories, or flashbacks of the trauma
• Distress at anniversaries of the trauma 
• Irritability
• Difficulty concentrating or focusing
• Feeling numb
• Hyper-vigilance (feeling "on guard" all the time)
• Survivor guilt
• Lack of interest in family, friends or hobbies - feeling detached 
• Nightmares
• Jumpiness (especially at loud or sudden noises)
• Restlessness
• They may also suffer from depression, blame themselves or become suicidal
• Overwhelming emotions
• Hopelessness about the future 
• Feeling as though they are "going crazy"
• Fear "something bad" will happen
• Difficulty sleeping

(The info above is from a booklet about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder put out by Blount Memorial Hospital in Maryville, Tennessee)


Who's at risk for developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Those who can be effected by PTSD include:

• Anyone who has been victimized or has witnessed a violent act or who has been repeatedly exposed to a life-threatening situation.
• Survivors of:
• Car accidents or fires
• Natural disasters, such as tornadoes or earthquakes
• Major Catastrophic events such as a plane crash or terrorist act
• Disasters caused by human error such as industrial accidents 
• Survivors of unexpected events in everyday life:
• Children who are neglected or sexually, physically or verbally abused or adults who were abused as children
• Combat veterans or civilian victims of war
• Those diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or who have undergone invasive medical procedures
• Professionals who respond to victims in traumasituations such as emergency medical service workers, police, firefighters, military, and search and rescue workers
• People who learn of the sudden, unexpected death of a close friend or relative
  

Risk factors

The severity of the traumatic event and how long the event lasted appear to be factors in the development of this disorder. Other factors that may increase the likelihood of developing post-traumatic stress disorder include:

• A previous history of depression or other emotional disorder
• A previous history of physical or sexual abuse
• A family history of anxiety
• Early separation from parents
• Being part of a dysfunctional family
• Alcohol abuse
• Drug abuse
  

When to seek medical advice?

It's normal to undergo a wide range of feelings and emotions after a traumatic event. The feelings you experience may include fear and anxiety, a lack of focus, sadness, changes in sleeping or eating patterns, or bouts of crying that come easily. You may have recurrent thoughts or nightmares about the event. If you have these disturbing feelings for more than a month, if they're severe or if you feel you're having trouble getting your life back under control, consider seeing your doctor or a mental health professional.

Screening and diagnosis

Your doctor or mental health professional likely will ask you to describe the signs and symptoms you're experiencing — what they are, when they occur, how intense they are and how long they last. This will help your doctor or therapist learn more about your condition. Your doctor may also ask you to describe the event that triggered your symptoms to try to get a sense of how intense the event was and how itaffected you. You may encounter some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder after a traumatic event, but you may not necessarily have a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder. Diagnosing the condition requires that the symptoms be present longer than one month.

Complications

Having post-traumatic stress disorder may place you at higher risk for:

• Depression, which has many of the same signs and symptoms as post-traumatic stress disorder
• Drug abuse
• Alcohol abuse
• Eating disorders
• Divorce
  

Treatment

Your doctor or a mental health professional may suggest a combination of medications and behavior therapy to treat post-traumatic stress disorder. The objectives of treatment are to reduce your emotional distress and the associated disturbances to your sleep and daily functioning, and to help you better cope with the event that triggered the disorder.

Coping skills

If distress caused by a past traumatic event persistently affects your life, seeing your doctor is a necessary first step along a course of professional treatment.

But you can take actions to help yourself cope:

• Follow your doctor's instructions carefully. Although it may take a while to feel the effects of therapy, hang in there. You'll be better off in the long run.
• Take care of yourself. Get enough rest, eat a balanced diet, exercise, and take time to relax. Avoid caffeine and nicotine, which can worsen anxiety. Don't turn to alcohol or un-prescribed drugs for relief.
• Break the cycle. When you feel anxious, take a brisk walk or delve into a hobby to refocus.
• Talk to someone. Share your problems with a friend or counselor who can help you gain perspective. Ask your doctor about support groups in your area for people who have post-traumatic stress disorder.
  

Recovery Takes Time

Survivors recover in stages.  They may start with one stage, go to another, and go back.  Each person processes the event his or her own way. 

PTSD symptoms usually appear within several weeks of the trauma, but some people don't experience symptoms until months, even years, later. PTSD can last six months for some people while others may experience symptoms for much longer. Again, it is important to understand that people respond differently to trauma. Some people will have a few problems, and these problems may go away without treatment. Others will need support and some kind of treatment before they can move forward with their lives.
 

Here are some stages a survivor might go through:

1. Denial that the trauma had any effect on their lives. 
2. Fear it will happen again. 
3. Feel sad because of a loss of their ability to trust in people, or places. 
4. Anger at what happened. 
5. Anxiety over the nightmares or flashbacks that may intrude on the life of the survivor. 
6. Feel as if a part of themselves died during the trauma.
   

There are some things in life that we just can't control.  Car accidents, fires, natural disasters, criminals who would make us their next victim.  We can control what we do after we have been hurt.  We can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get help.  We can take care of ourselves.  We can take as much time as we need to recover and heal because the results have to last the rest of our lives!  

If you or a loved one has experienced extreme trauma and are still suffering, do whatever you have to ... Take Care Of YOU!

 

What If You Could Make The Hurt Go Away?

Are you hurting?  Has something just happened to you or someone you love?  Have you been carrying hurt for too long?  Have you ever wished you could just make it go away?  You can!  Did you know that there are things you can do to stop the hurt?  There are!

I want to tell you about a therapy that worked for me because maybe, it might work for you too?  I remember hearing about this being used with combat veterans who had suffered with Post Traumatic Stress for years, even decades ... I am not a combat veteran, but I did suffer from the effects of Post Traumatic Stress, and this therapy gave me a lot of real HEALING.

Maybe, It can help you too?  Let's talk about it ...



EMDR
(Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing)

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a specialized form of psychotherapy that is used almost exclusively for treating PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and its associated conditions, including depression. EMDR typically is integrated into a conventional psychotherapy regimen and is not used alone to treat PTSD.

The theory behind EMDR is that stimulated rapid eye movement may help in the psychological processing of trauma. It is thought that the day's events and our reactions to them are processed during REM sleep . In a controlled EMDR session, moving light is used to induce rapid eye movement.

EMDR for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Who Can Be Helped By EMDR?

Positive therapeutic results with EMDR have been reported with a wide range of populations including the following:

• Combat veterans from Desert Storm, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, and World War II who were formerly treatment resistant and who no longer experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other PTSD.
• Persons with phobias and panic disorder who revealed a rapid reduction of fear and symptoms.
• Crime victims and police officers who are no longer disturbed by the after-effects of violent assaults.
• People relieved of excessive grief due to the loss of a loved one or to line-of-duty deaths, such as engineers no longer devastated with guilt because their train unavoidably killed pedestrians.
• Children healed of the symptoms caused by the trauma of assault or natural disaster.
• Sexual assault victims who are now able to lead normal lives and have intimate relationships.
• Accident, surgery, and burn victims who were once emotionally or physically debilitated and who are now able to resume productive lives.
• Victims of sexual dysfunction who are now able to maintain healthy sexual relationships.
• Clients at all stages of chemical dependency, and pathological gamblers, who now show stable recovery and a decreased tendency to relapse.
• People with dissociative disorders who progress at a rate more rapid than that achieved by traditional treatment.
• People engaged in business, performing arts, and sport who have benefited from EMDR as a tool to help enhance performance.
• Clients with a wide variety of PTSD and other diagnoses who experience substantial benefit from EMDR.

There are more controlled studies on EMDR than on any other method used in the treatment of PTSD.

(  http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/depression/treatment/emdr/ptsd.asp  )

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Questions and Answers


What is EMDR?

EMDR, or "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing" is a technique which utilizes a characteristic motion of the eyes in conjunction with therapeutic guidance to bring about emotional healing at an accelerated rate. Although not part of the original EMDR teachings, clinical experiences have repeatedly demonstrated that EMDR also helps accelerate the physical healing process.

What is the history of EMDR?

EMDR has been used by trained mental health professionals since 1989. Its originator, Francine Shapiro PhD, discovered that moving her eyes in certain directions reduced emotional tension. Integrating her clinical experience, Francine has formulated a unique method which she calls EMDR

Who can benefit from EMDR?

Anyone who has ever experienced an upset that they have not recovered from. Often these people have one or more of the following symptoms in varying degrees: feeling "stuck", excess stress/tension, depression, anxiety, restlessness, sleep trouble, fatigue, appetite disturbances, and ongoing physical health concerns despite treatment. In the more severe cases: panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, obsessions, compulsions, eating disorder, and suicidal tendencies.

On the physical health front, EMDR is also a wonderful technique to assist with the healing of any physical health concern.

How does EMDR treatment work?

When an upset is experienced, it can become locked in the nervous system with the original picture, sounds, thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. This upset is stored in the brain (and also the body) in an isolated memory network preventing learning from taking place. Old material just keeps getting triggered over & over again and you end up feeling "stuck" emotionally. In another part of your brain, in a separate network, is most of the information you need to resolve the upset. It's just prevented from linking up to the old stuff. Once processing starts with EMDR, the 2 networks can link up. New information can then come to mind to resolve the old problems.

How effective is EMDR?

When compared to other methods of therapy (psychoanalysis, cognitive, behavioral, etc), EMDR has been rated as far more effective by mental health professionals. Clients experience emotional healing at an accelerated rate. If we use the metaphor of a driving a car through a tunnel to get to the other side, (where the tunnel represents the journey of healing and the other side of the tunnel represents the healed state), EMDR is like driving your car through the tunnel at very high speeds. Because of this accelerated processing, you should notice improvement within each session.

How does the overall treatment with EMDR look?

EMDR focuses first on the past, second on the present and third on the future. The past is focused on first because it is the past unresolved pain (whether it is childhood or the more recent past) which is causing pain in the present. Dealing with the past is therefore going to the root of the problem. For example, if a client comes in with depression and she has a history of being depressed since a death in her family, we would focus on the time around the death first because it is the root of the depression.

Once the past pain has been cleared, most of the present symptom picture will also be cleared. If anything is left unresolved in the present, it is attended to next.

Then comes preparation for the future. Many people have fears about healing ... how their life will change, how they will function with their new perspective on the world, etc. "Future" work is about being prepared.

What will I experience during an EMDR treatment?

Before any EMDR treatment, there is a preparation & assessment phase. The purpose of the preparation phase is to help you feel safe within yourself and to explain and demonstrate EMDR techniques so you know what to expect. The purpose of the assessment phase is to isolate memories to work with in EMDR that are the root of your emotional/physical pain today. The length of time for each of these phases varies per person dependant upon their individual needs.

Once the preparation and assessment phases are complete, the treatment phase begins. You will be asked to focus on a "target" image (one selected together during the assessment phase) while following the practioners fingers (open palm of hand or a pen) with your eyes. Once you start the eye movement, you will find it very difficult to focus on the memory. This is normal. The initial focusing on the memory opens the door to the memory, the EMDR completes the processing on a deeper subconscious level.

The eye movements are done in short sets (15-30 sec) with breaks in between of varying length dependant upon your needs. The sets continue until processing is complete for a given memory. You can stop the process at any time by raising your hand. It is important to remember that your brain is doing the processing and that you are the one in control.

EMDR is a passive process. Just will be asked to just let whatever happens, happen. You may experience feelings, thoughts, body sensations. You may experience nothing. Whatever you experience, you will be asked to notice it as if you were passing by it on a train rather than being within the experience. If at any time you feel overwhelmed, you only need to raise your hand to stop the process. You will be asked to share what comes up in the break between sets. There are no right or wrong answers.

Your feelings surrounding a given event will be rated by you (from 1-10) both prior to and after EMDR treatment. The aim of every EMDR session is noticeable improvement by the time you leave the session.

How long does each EMDR session last?

Sessions are done in either 60 or 90 min intervals.

How frequently is EMDR treatment recommended?

Dr. Shapiro recommends once per week if possible. However, I believe that frequency is about what ultimately feels comfortable for you.

How long is the overall treatment with EMDR?

It is important to note that EMDR is always done in the context of an overall therapy plan. The EMDR time portion itself varies for each individual. Starting off with at least 3 sessions of EMDR will give you some idea of its effectiveness for you and the rate at which you are healing. From there it is dependant upon your individual needs and situation.

Source: Julie Pegg ND, RPC Naturopathic Doctor, Registered Counselor
Link:  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Q & A 



I understand the process and the theories but my personal experience with EMDR was profound. 

I can't describe the pain of post traumatic stress in clinical terms, but I can tell you how it felt for me.  I felt heaviness in my chest like my heart was about to explode.  Emotionally, I felt like I was constantly on the edge of tears and a panic attack could happen at any moment.  I was too afraid to sleep for very long periods of time and if I did, I had nightmares about being chased with a gun.  Almost anything could trigger a panic attack ... from new stories, chase scenes in movies, songs on the radio, even black cars (my attacker drove a black car) ...   loud noises or sudden movements ... even the phone ringing ... Everything felt like a potential threat.  I was exactly at that point when I had my first EMDR treatment.

Visualizing the night I was threatened by the gun, even though I was instructed to imagine it like it was outside "the train" was still WAY TOO CLOSE!  Holding the memory in my mind, even for a few seconds, made me feel physically ill.  My physical and emotional reactions were strong ... but quickly, almost miraculously, that scene and a LOT of the feelings that went with it seemed to just melt away like passing by them on a train ... As I moved away from the FEAR, the heaviness in my chest started to lift and I felt like I could breath again ...

It is hard for me to break every moment down for you.  Describing my own healing isn't as important as communicating that IF YOU ARE STILL EXPERIENCING EXTREME PAIN AND LOSS, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing might help lift that pain and significantly heal you too!

I never was much of a believer in therapy ... mostly because I didn't really understand it and probably didn't think I needed it ... But therapy was a significant element in my recovery.  I am grateful for the help I received from my therapist who is a truly gifted healer.

I am sharing this therapy with you for the same reason I share everything else ... to give you hope ... There can be an end to your suffering.  You don't have to hurt anymore.  There are things you can do.  As always,

Take Care Of YOU!

Spring & Summer At The Same Time !!!

 

Spring and Summer are here at the same time
at HEALING Creek!!!

Just last week, we had the first signs of spring with the yellow bells
peaking through the winter gray.



And then, breaking all previous high temperature records ...
It was 95 degrees on Sunday!!!

Global warming?
(Have to wonder a little bit what August is going to be like?)

Spring flowers drooped, green leaves are popping out everywhere
and summer flowers are already starting to bud!



My youngest granddaughter came to play this weekend.
I have a box of old hats and scarves.
There's nothing like
laughing and playing dress-up with a four year old!
Even a tea party
with girl scout cookies
can seem like the perfect day!



One of my chores this weekend was to get all the flower pots,
wash and rinse them,
uncover some of the ones that I had stored over winter,
and get them ready for this year's
growing season.
I hadn't noticed before then,
that two forgotten tulip bulbs had bloomed!



What a sweet surprise!
I love tulips.

Happy Spring or Happy Summer
(take your pick)
and LOTS of HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZ
from me to you!!!

Crossing Over

 

 

I've walked too many friends to the edge of today ...

A few deaths turned into a few more ...

Here I am again,
Asking someone I love,
"We're almost to the end, aren't we?"
I could hear her tired sigh, "I think so."

The quiet place between sentences.

"Is there any thing I can do?"

"Not anything I can think of?"

"Is there anything you need?"

Another tired sigh, "Pray that God gives me strength."

 

The quiet place between sentences.

I feel so small and helpless ...
I wish I could take the pain away.
I bow my head and shut my eyes,
Praying for strength ... for her and for me.

The quiet place between sentences.

There's peace in knowing her pain will soon be over
As I watch her ... 

Crossin over to Home ...

In the wide open, sweet someday ...

Have you ever traded EMPTY for EMPTY?

I have mentioned this singer/songwriter a few times ... a singer from North Carolina (just learned he's originally from Ohio) named David Wilcox.  He is a talented musician and a gifted poet.  His words spoke to parts of my journey and maybe to parts of yours?

My favorite line in this song was "trading empty for empty" because it described something I did too many times, expecting someone else to fill me up ... Those broken cups in ourselves and others can be mended and repaired, but it's up to each of us to work on our own cup and not try to mend everyone else's.  Until we do our own work ... we'll just be "trading empty for empty".  What good is that?  It didn't do much for me.  Probably didn't do much for you either.

 

BREAK IN THE CUP

I try so hard to please you,
To be the love that fills you up.
I try to pour on sweet affection,
But I think
You got a broken cup.
Because
You can't believe I love you
I try to tell you
That there is no doubt,
But
As soon as I fill you
With all I've got,
That little break will let it run right out.



I cannot make you happy.
I'm learning
Love and money
Never do,
But
I can pour myself out 'til I'm empty,
Trying to be
Just who you'd want me to.
But I cannot make you happy
Even though
Our love is true,
For there's a break in the cup
That holds
Love inside of you.



Now I begin to understand
You,
As you explain this fear you feel.
It's when you see me fall
Into that sorrow,
it makes you doubt
The love is real.
'Cause the lonely wind
Still blows through me,
I turn away so can't see,
But now how could I still be so empty,
With all the love
That you pour on me.

 

I guess you cannot make me happy,
That's a money back guarantee.
But you can pour yourself out
'Til you're empty.
Trying to be just
Who I'd want you to be.
You cannot make me happy,
It's just the law of gravity,
And
That break in the cup that holds love,
Inside of me.



So if you're tempted to rescue me
Drowning
In this quicksand up to my neck.
Before you grab my hand
To save me,
Why don't you ask me
If I'm finished yet,
Because
You cannot make me happy,
Not when I'm empty
Inside of me
But you can pull yourself right in here
With me.
My misery'd love to have
Your company.

    

We cannot trade empty for empty.
We must go to the waterfall.
For there's a break in the cup
That holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love,
Inside us all.
Inside us all.

If you would like to learn more about David Wilcox,
The official David Wilcox Website
or you can order his CDs by calling 800/492-3079.

Inside My Head

I have mentioned this singer/songwriter a few times ... a singer from North Carolina (just learned he's originally from Ohio) named David Wilcox.  He is a talented musician and a gifted poet.  His words spoke to parts of my journey and maybe to parts of yours?  I wrote about this very thing a few days ago ... about the need to clear out the clutter in our minds that weighs us down and holds us back. 

 

INSIDE MY HEAD

I got such a mess between my ears,
Like dishes in the sink,
Stuff I don't believe
Just tumbles in
Until
I don't have room to think.

These dark clouds
I've stowed away
Just in case of a sunny day,
So I can stand
In the pouring rain
of every tear
I've ever shed.
I've got to empty out
The inside of my head.

This could be a room
With such a view,
But
Its covered up with junk,
Blocking off the place the light
Gets through.

So it keeps me in this funk.
All my failures
Are on display,
The broken dreams of yesterday ... 
Stuff I should have thrown away,
But I've kept it here
Instead
I've got to empty out the inside
Of my head
I've got to empty out the inside of my head.

I'd like to turn this place
Into my home
Instead of someplace that I dread.
Its the only place that's mine alone,
And I'll live here 'til I'm dead.
I'll sort through what I have found,
The stuff that works
I'll keep around
But
I can't live weighted down
With every cruel word they said.

I've got to empty out
The inside of my head,
I've got to empty out the inside
Of my head,
I've got to empty out
The inside of my head.




If you would like to learn more about David Wilcox,
The official David Wilcox Website
or you can order his CDs by calling 800/492-3079.

A Reminder: Food Safety And Your Health

I received this email today and thought I'd pass it along to you. 

I did see the news shot of a dozen or more rats scurrying around a closed New York City Taco Bell/Kentucky Fried Chicken.  It doesn't just happen in New York City though.  I was waiting in line at a Burger King Drive-Thru when I saw a rat running along the bricks between the cars and the building.  I'm sure I am not the only one that passed on eating there that day!

We have had several news alerts on tv in the past six months concerning recalls on food or warnings not to eat bagged spinach or onions ... Food Safety is always a good idea.  I have always assumed that the FDA and USDA would protect our food supply.  I have taken a lot of things for granted.  Warnings like these remind me to take extra care in my home when I am preparing my family's food.

I'm sharing this email as a reminder to you too.  
 

 

When I was a little girl, I used to follow my grandmother all around the kitchen.  One of the things she always did was wash the lids off cans when she brought them home from the grocery store and before she ever opened them.  This is a habit I observed in her all throughout my life and she continues to do it to this day.  My relatives always inquired why she did it and she said it's something she thought she should do; you never know what happens to the cans in the stores or warehouses.  Because of that, when I used to drink soda, I never drank directly from the can, I always used a straw.  It turns out that my grandma may have known a thing or two.....

 

Yesterday evening, at 5:46pm in St. James, Trinidad, my uncle Derrick Mollineau, died of complications due to leptospirosis - an infection from the leptospira bacterium from rat excrement (feces or urine).  Less than a week ago (last Tuesday or Wednesday), my uncle unfortunately ate a cheese sandwich, that after consuming about 3/4 of it, he realized had rat droppings on the bread.  My uncle became sick, and went to the doctor who told him that he had a case of the cold that was going around.  My uncle quickly became lethargic, all his muscles aches and by Friday, was completely bed ridden, did not have a urine or bowel movement for several days and began turning yellow.  His family thought that he had jaundice and he was taken to the hospital.  The fact that he had eaten that sandwich was not top of mind, and my uncle did not tell the doctors upon his arrival.  However, upon further analysis of his blood, the doctors determined that he had leptospirosis.  The infection had spread thorough out his body, and they had to flush his system as kidney and liver failure was imminent. On Sunday, it appeared that he was making a turn for the better; but when my uncle Carlton visited him yesterday afternoon he thought differently.  He noticed that my uncle Derrick's gums were bleeding and notified the nurses as he did not think this was a good sign - based upon what he read about the infection on the internet over the weekend.  The doctors decided that my uncle Derrick needed to be put on dialysis immediately; and as they transported him from his hospital room to the dialysis room, he passed away.

 

According to WebMD:

 

Leptospirosis is an infectious disease that affects humans and animals. It results in a wide range of symptoms, and some people may have no symptoms at all. It is caused by a spiral-shaped bacterium (spirochete). Symptoms include high fever, chills, muscle aches, headache, vomiting, diarrhea, and jaundice (yellow skin and eyes). (My uncle had all of these....)

A definitive diagnosis requires laboratory testing of a blood or urine sample. Early detection is important because the disease can cause serious complications if not treated early in its course. These include kidney damage (nephrosis), meningitis (inflammation of the tissue around the brain or spinal cord), respiratory distress and/or liver failure.

 

Within 5-6 days, my uncle Derrick, who had been an exuberant, friendly, outgoing person had succommed to an infection that few know about.  While most people who are infected do recover, my uncle's quick demise was partially due to a compromised immune system from multiple years of drug use.  Even though he had quit several years ago - the damage was already done.

 

Several years ago, there was information about infections from rat urine on soda cans that was tagged as "urban legends".  More recently, several NYC restaurants were closed due to rat infestations ... Many of us shop at warehouses - Costco, BJs, Sam's; supermarkets etc. and we don't know what goes on in the back.  I caution you to be more mindful of the things you purchase, how you store them and how you clean them before use.

 

For more information on Leptospirosis, visit http://www.leptospirosis.org/medical/overview.php

With all of the recent food scares about ecoli found on fruit and vegetables, I have been taking extra care to wash and rinse the fruit and vegetables in my home, no matter where I buy them.  Perhaps, it's a good idea to do the same with bottles and cans when they come into the house.  There was a time I would have thought I was just being paranoid ... Now, I think it's just being safe.

Take care of you.

Clearing The Fog

 

It's foggy today.  Gray and thick, the woods would make the perfect setting for a mystery novel today.  I sat on the back porch drinking tea and listening to the birds, hearing them before they appeared in the mist.  I smiled to myself, still thinking of my woods as a movie set, they wouldn't have to use the fade effect today.

How interesting it is that when the fog limits my view, it also magnifies sound.  The river and the waterfall almost sound closer and I can hear the neighbor working in the barn.  She's singing something, but I can't quite catch the tune.  I hear a screen door slam at my other neighbor's house and he's talking to his dogs.  My neighbors don't live close at all so this is a treat to hear other people's every day float up the hill.  The wind in the trees usually muffles those neighborly sounds but there is no wind this morning.  Just the sound of birds, neighbors, the creek and the waterfall ...

(taking a deep breath)

 

I think I smell rain.  We have been working up the gardens and a little rain would add to the mix before we plant this weekend.  The thought of planting put me back on task.  I have a pretty long list of things I want to get done today.  As much as I don't want to leave the porch and the sounds of morning, I have to check my mail, write a note to you and head out before the rain!

I have enjoyed my foggy morning with fade effects, but not every one likes the fog.  It isn't fun to drive in, that's for sure!  My friend sent me this email from the Daily OM yesterday and it's foggy today.  Maybe, I could request a Daily Om on sunshine for tomorrow?  LOL ... It couldn't hurt!
   
 

Coming Out Of A Haze (Fog) 

When we feel muddled and unfocused, unsure of which way to turn, we say we are in a fog. Similar to whenwe are in a fog in nature, we may feel like we can't see where we're going or where we've come from, and we're afraid if we move too quickly we might run into something hidden in the mists that seem to surround us. Being in a fog necessarily slows us down by limiting our visibility. The best choice may be to pull over and wait for the murkiness to clear. If we move at all, we must go slowly, feeling our way and keeping our eyes open for shapes emerging from the haze, perhaps relying on the taillights of someone in front of us as we make our way along the road.

By and large, most of us prefer to be able to see where we are going and move steadfastly in that direction, but there are gifts that come from being in a fog. Sometimes it takes an obstacle like fog to get us to stop and be still in the moment, doing nothing. In this moment of involuntary inactivity, we may look within and find that the source of our fogginess is inside us; it could be some emotional issue that needs tending before we can safely go full steam ahead. Being in a fog reminds us that when we cannot see outside ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within. Then again, the fog may simply be teaching us important lessons about how to continue moving forward with extreme caution, harnessing our attention, watching closely for new information, and being ready to stop on a dime.

We cannot predict when a fog will come, nor can we know for certain when it will lift, but we can center ourselves in the haze and wait for guidance. We may find it inside ourselves or in a pair of barely visible taillights just ahead. Whether we follow the lights out of the fog, wait for a gentle breeze to lift it, or allow the sun to burn it away, we can rest certain that one way or another, we will move forward with clarity once again.



Life is funny sometimes.  I have probably lived most of my life in some sort of haze, being tugged and pulled from all sorts of directions, never knowing what to expect or what I would come up on next ... The fog wasn't just around me either.  It was in me.  I was as foggy as the fog I struggled through!

I can relate to this:  Being in a fog reminds us that when we cannot see outside ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within.  I DID look within.  I found so many things that had been a part of me so long, I had forgotten them.  Some of those things were useless, self-defeating notions ... I got rid of those once and for all.  Some of those things were treasures, pearls of wisdom and experience, that needed to be dusted off and put back into use!  It has been like spring cleaning of the soul!  No one can completely change their personality, but we can learn to live in who we really are! 

Finding comfort in our own skin can change everything.  Each of us, when we are ready, or when life gives us no other choice, will have the opportunity to do our inner work ... where we go inside, look around, rearrange a few things to make ourselves more comfortable and settle in to our selves.  It is what people mean when they say, "we need to be centered" or when they talk about "getting their life together".

I wasted so much time and so many years looking for answers out there in the fog when all the answers I ever needed were already here inside of me.  Sure, I accidentally tapped into it once in a while ... What do I mean by that?  You will know when you are tapping into that part of yourself when you catch yourself saying something that is really good or you find yourself doing something that you never thought you could do.  I had those moments, but they were random and fleeting.

Today, I know exactly where I can find the things I need to take care of myself and those around me.  I have a library of wonderful resources, plenty of light to explore with, a comfortable place to rest, and room enough for all the treasures life has to offer, right here inside me!  There is not one single thing out there that can truly make us happy until we are happy from the inside, all the way to the core of who we are.  Life can be really good when it's lived from the inside out!  Sure it takes a little work, but aren't each of us worth it?  What else are we doing?  What could possibly be more important than taking care of ourselves?

This is not exclusive.  I do not have all the answers or the corner on the truth.  What worked for me might not work for you.  It's not how each of us gets to this place that's important.  It's that we do what we can to get to that place inside each of us.  If you want to find your own answers, all you have to do is ask!  Be willing to take the steps as they come to you.  It will feel strange and uncomfortable at first if you have always put your faith in others, but it is okay to trust yourself.  You're stronger than you think.  We all are.  Really. 

Let me tell you something that I know about you.  You were put on this earth to be exactly who you really are.  That's right.  There is a treasure inside you that only you can uncover for the rest of the world to see.  It is the real you, and the real you is beautiful. 
 

Make It A Good Day !!!

So many times, we have rested our happiness squarely on the shoulders of every one else, but there are little things we can do for ourselves.  This morning, I sat on the back porch and thought about all the things that give my mood a lift.  

I saw a little book that was titled 2000 Things You Can Do To Cheer Yourself Up.  I remember flipping through the pages and smiling at some of the ideas.  What if we did that?  What if we really did one thing every day just for us?  What would happen if we gave our self 10 minutes just for us?  What if we gave our self one simple little pleasure?  It wouldn't have to take a lot of time or money ... It really is the thought that counts!   

You could ...
  

Start off the day with some sort of exercise: a walk, the treadmill, a swim, maybe, exercise or a yoga tape.  

Give yourself a mini-spa!  Light a candle and use a scented body wash that you absolutely love.  Play some music to calm you down or get you going ... your choice!

Or if there's time, what about a long, hot bubble bath ... I found some bath salts with rose petals in them!  Wonderful! 

Bed, Bath and Beyond sells fancy towel warmers, but you can do the same thing ... just put your towel in the dryer right before you get in the shower!  A warm towel is oh so delicious!!!

When you get out of the shower and dry down, cover yourself in lotion or a nice talc.  Whatever you do, take your time.  This is your extra ten minutes ... a little gift you are giving yourself!  

Sometimes, I pour a glass of juice in my favorite juice glass.  The glass is from the 50s and has the cutest little tulips all around it.  I have it waiting for me when I get out of the shower on a little tray with my vitamins. 

Some mornings, I have a cup of herbal tea or decaffeinated coffee on the back porch.  I can hear the birds singing and the river down the hill or the wind chimes.  Sometimes, I just watch the birds or read a few pages of a good book or both!  

Good books?  I got hooked on reading when I was a kid.  I LOVE BOOKS!  I am usually reading 3-4 at the same time.  One for work, one for self improvement, and usually a novel, just to lighten things up.  Reading was my life-line in the beginning of recovery.  I don't know how much I retained back then, but just the act of reading was a comfort to me.

Reading has a predictable routine.  Take one word at a time, one sentence at a time, one paragraph at a time ... turn the page ... one chapter at a time ... turn the page ... one idea at a time ... turn the page ... the character getting in trouble? ... turn the page ... and eventually ... turn the page ... It all works out ... turn the page ... until there is a happy ending!  I try to look for one thing in every book I read that touches my heart and inspires me. 

I like decorating books and decorating magazines.  I like reading books from the self-help section.  In fact, I have shelves of books that reflect wherever I was at the time ... I guess I have been trying to figure out where I was for a long time!  I also like books that share unusual insights like The Four Agreements, Animal Speaks, Power Vs. Force ... just to name a few.  They put these in what they call the New Age section, but they may have been found previously in foreign cultures or philosophy. 

I also like novels ... James Michener or Sidney Sheldon books are classic.  They take you to other countries you may never get to visit, but after reading one of his books, you almost feel like you have!  In fact, he wrote a book called Caravans that is set in Afghanistan.  I read it right a few years ago and it gave me an interesting view of a country I had never really thought much about.  Sidney Sheldon writes intriguing mystery books.  Nicholas Sparks writes romantic stories about real life kinds of people.  His stories pull at my heart and remind me of how good it feels to love.  I like his characters and usually come away from every book he writes with a lesson learned about myself.

Reader's Digest (remember those old books with 5-6 condensed books) has some of the classics condensed into something I can read in a weekend.  I also like travel books, especially ones with LOTS of pictures!  Every book has something in it that will spark your own creativity.  I have a friend that collects cookbooks.  She has closets and shelves FULL of cookbooks!  I have another friend who likes to read encyclopedias ... just for the pleasure of gathering information!

(laughing)  I got off track for a minute there ... which is easy for me to do when I talk about books!  I can get lost for hours in a library or a bookstore ... But let me get back to what we were talking about!

We were talking about doing a little something for ourselves every day ... little gifts of goodness that we give to ourselves ...    

I have a piece of cinnamon toast every morning.  I love cinnamon toast!  My daughter likes to start her day with a bagel.  My other daughter likes waffles and jam.  My grandkids like pop tarts!    

Forget about your "usual uniform" that you wear every day and for today, wear something really comfortable or something that just makes you feel pretty.  Spice up what you are wearing with a piece of jewelry or a silk scarf.  It will make you feel pretty and when we feel pretty, we are pretty!  It comes from the inside!  It's not the scarf or the jewelry.  It's how we feel wearing the scarf or jewelry!

Maybe, you like hats?  I stopped by a coffee shop this winter and there was a lady there in full winter clothes, long black coat, black gloves, black boots and the coolest velvet hat!  She had fastened three or four sparkly vintage brooches along the rim in front and it looked amazing!  I smiled when I saw her.  I noticed that other people smiled too.  It was cold and gray outside, and she had found a way to bring some sparkle to everyone's day!    

I have to admit ... a cute pair of boots, heels, or even a cute pair of shoes makes me feel pretty good too!  Speaking of feet, getting a pedicure can be one of those little gifts we give ourselves!  Why not get a manicure at the same time?

Whoops, I just thought of something that could fill a whole afternoon again, didn't I?  Oh well ... turn the page!  

If you like to cook, how about baking a cake or cookies?  I like making a really good roast (I love to get a beef or lamb roast and cover the roast with a small jar of minced garlic and bake it covered at 300-degrees for hours ... the house smells so good!) or a vegetable casserole or a seafood pasta ... pick something you LOVE ... In the winter, I make a lot of hearty soups, stews or even chili in the crock pot, and let them cook all day.  It feels so good to come home with the smell of good home cooking already there.

Speaking of smells that fill our homes ... 

Fabreeze has a new home-spray.  Sometimes, I make more time by picking up the clutter and straightening things up a little and then, I spray the rooms ... It feels like I have hired a whole cleaning crew with very little effort!  Shhh ~ I can't do it every week, but every once in a while ~ There are more important things than a perfect house!

Do you like to sew?  Can you crochet or knit?  Have you seen the cool yarn they have now?  Do you embroider?  Can you paint?  Have you seen the beads people are using to make jewelry?  They sell real gold and real silver beads and semi-precious stones now!  Have you gotten into scrap booking?  Visit a craft store!  I bet there is something you would love to do!  

Jigsaw puzzles are fun!  Crossword puzzles too!

I have a crystal candy dish that I often fill up with seasonal candy ... hearts on Valentine's Day, jelly beans at Easter, candy corn on Halloween, peppermints at Christmas, or M&Ms any time else ... I don't eat all that candy myself, but it is my "duty" to make sure the kids are sugared up!    

In the winter time, a cup of Cocoa or a cup of Russian Tea chase the chill away.  How do you turn a hot drink into your special ten minutes?  Wrap up in a thick afghan or quilt and drink it outside on a swing or a rocking chair!  Listen to the birds.  Watch the wind play in your trees.  Breath in the world around you!

I have mentioned birds a few times.  I have two or three bird feeders and just as many bird baths.  I get LOTS of birds and quite a few pesky squirrels too.

I live in the woods in the country so I have watched deer, rabbits, raccoons, squirrels and even flying squirrels at night!  I have seen flocks of wild turkeys, a blue heron, red tailed hawks and song birds of every sort.  Did you know that plain old sparrows have the prettiest songs?  I think there's a life lesson in there somewhere!   

And then, there's always chocolate!  The really good, creamy, to die for chocolate.  Find your favorite little corner of the world and enjoy a piece of chocolate.  Let your mind wander.  Or if you can, let your mind just go blank!  Let it melt in your mouth.

Did you know if you take a plain old store bought peanut butter cookie and put a Hershey's chocolate kiss on top, pop it in the microwave for just 15 seconds and you have a warm cookie that is oh so delicious ... Heck, make two!  They're small!

Sometimes, I play music ... weall have our favorites.  Music makes my chores go quicker.  Music also makes a quiet meal more special ... Sometimes, I find myself humming through the day ...  

There is so much comfort (and safety) in our homes, but there are fun things to do outside our homes.  I like to visit home improvement stores.  They are always coming up with new gadgets.  I find the neatest ideas!  I also like to go to card stores.  I'm don't always go to buy a card.  Sometimes, I like to read cards, just to smile.  I have been reading cards and laughing out loud more times than I can count, and a laugh is always a good thing!  Of course, I like Barnes and Noble ... and the coffee treats!   

I like to fish!  I live near a river.  I have walked down there and dropped in a line.  Sometimes, I catch a few.  Sometimes, I don't.  I don't keep the fish ... always throw them back.  The fun is catching them! 

Watching the water roll by with an occasional leaf or piece of wood ... maybe, something more interesting, is calming.  Sometimes, I like to just watch the water tumble over the rocks, or I shut my eyes and listen to the waterfall downstream.

I have started carrying my camera again because the sun sets about the time I am headed home and sunrises and sunsets cast the most amazing light and shadows across our world.  I have seen the prettiest things and wished I had my camera with me.  Well, now I do!  I'm looking forward to what I see next!  

Looking forward ... In recovery, we spend a lot of time looking back.  Then, we begin to see the value in living for today, one day at a time.  Then, we get the idea that we can actually do things to make THIS DAY more than just another day to be endured.  We can find a way to do something nice for ourselves TODAY.  Maybe tomorrow too?  If you find a way to give yourself a little gift of time or a simple pleasure everyday ... and you do it long enough ... it will become a habit that enriches your life.  One day, out of nowhere, you might even forget about your past, be thankful for today, and even look forward to tomorrow ... We can all get there ... 

One moment at a time ... turn the page ... one day at a time ... turn the page ... one week at a time ... turn the page ... one month at a time ... turn the page ... We have to start somewhere ... so for today, and just today ... 

Make it a good day !!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day !!!

When the first light of sun-
Bless you.
When the long day is done-
Bless you.
In your smiles and your tears-
Bless you.
Through each day of your years-
Bless you.

May you have:
A world of wishes at your command.
God and his angels close to hand.
Friends and family their love impart,
and Irish blessings in your heart!

A Fun Test You Might Enjoy?


It's Elementary! Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader Trivia Quiz - AOL Television






Yesterday, I got to thinking about asking for more.
I remember wishing for love because I had enough of a life
to share with someone special
and then ...
after finding a love like no other,
I find myself wishing for more of life to share with my love.
This poem is dedicated to Joey.

 

THE JOURNEY

I've been on this very same road all my life

every twist and every turn

every stumble, tumble and fall

every excess, access and call

the deepest blues and the top of my game

 

thoughtful moonlight wonderings

and

subtly soft sunshine epiphanies

a steady string of mysteries

little miracles scattered across the tapestry

that is me.

the brightest threads were flashes of inspiration

bits of enthusiasm, intuition and joy

the darkest threads seeping in with no explanation 

carving canyons as if to destroy

morphing and intermingling in perfect alchemy

extraordinary strides or ordinary baby steps

and still here I am
a half finished masterpiece
facing

another half-finished masterpiece

that seems to complete mine.

Come stand close to me.

How can this be?

We have come from different places

and different threadsfill our tapestries

but whoever painted your side
seems to have painted mine.


(this is the place where fireworks should be)

I can look back now and be glad for every step!

I can see how every color, the dark and the bright

compliment your colors just exactly right.

I never would have imagined

or even dared to dream

that everything had a reason
not always what it seemed

When I hoped for my happy ending

I never even knew

there could be someone as good as you

 

How could I have ever known

that every step and misstep brought me straight to you?

You are my happy ending.
You are my dream come true.

You are my favorite part of the story that is me

the part where two hearts join hands

stroll off into the sunset
dance under the stars

and rest in each other's arms.

 

This is the place where we dream new dreams

much bigger than before.

We're tried and tested, healed and rested,

embracing life and asking for more!


 

 

Ask For More

 

I have mentioned this singer/songwriter before ... a singer from North Carolina named David Wilcox.  He is a talented musician and a gifted poet.  His words spoke to parts of my journey and maybe to parts of yours?

ASK FOR MORE

Something is wrong,
But nothing
You can put your finger on.
In so many ways,
It's going fine.
You couldn't complain,
You say,
And
Day to day you get along,
But lately
You lie awake at night.



What are you missing?
Even though
You're not alone,
You wake up lonely.
You felt this way before.
You know it's true,
it's calling you to
ASK FOR MORE.



Like a message in a bottle,
Cross the ocean,
Just to wash up on your shore,
From deep in your heart,
Please,
ASK FOR MORE.



A beautiful dream you had
Reminds you
Of the emptiness.
Something your soul
Is trying to say ... 
Usually you can close your eyes
And
Not remember this,
But it's echoing back
From miles away.



Only a whisper
Showing you something
You already know.
What are you missing?
Even though
You're not alone
You wake up lonely.
You've had this dream before,
Signs are true,
Calling you
To
ASK FOR MORE.



Like the fragrance of the garden
That can reach you
Through
The cracks around your door,
God speaks in your heart,
Please,
ASK FOR ...

 

If you would like to learn more about David Wilcox,
The official David Wilcox Website
or you can order his CD by calling 800/492-3079.

Living The Life You Want

 

Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?  I have been thinking about some things this morning and I'd like to share them with you.  I am feeling grateful for the road that lead me to this healing place.  I wasn't always grateful.  When there was nothing but hurt, I would have never believed this day was even possible, but it is possible.  If you are hurting about something TODAY, you can find healing for your hurt, and little by little, as your strength returns, you will be bale to one day look back and count it all joy because it will have been worth it.  Let me show you what I mean.

Physicists tell us that once an atom has touched another atom, there is a relationship between the two atoms that endures forever, no matter how far they are from each other ... Once made, a relationship always exists.  It seems that in human relationships, that principle exists as well.  Once a person has been a part of our lives, the ripples remain, even though we have no further contact.  In that sense a relationship continues even though we may consciously exorcise it from our conscious contact.  Once you understand that principle, a shift will occur in all of your contact with others.

If the relationship was toxic, the relationship must go through a transformation, since it will always be with you.  You do not need to be in contact with the person to change the nature of the relationship.  You can change how you perceive it.  You can change how it impacts you.  This is true of all human systems - intact or not.

Your whole emotional and intellectual stance toward that person must be different.  By this point you already have what you need to know. 

That's right!  Your answers are already there inside you.  Deep down, we do KNOW what we need to do.  No matter what you are hurting from, there will come a time to begin recovery. 

CAUTION: THERE ARE GREAT RISKS THAT COME WITH RECOVERY!

The problem of recovery is whether you are willing to risk the changes necessary.  We have our own list of things we need to do.  It wouldn't hurt for the people around us to know and understand what our goals are.  We all need to know that change doesn't happen overnight and some things take practice.  We will have good days and bad days.  Some things will come easier than others ... These are the things we must do to win our lives back:


TO COMMIT TO REALITY AT ALL COSTS ~ 

Recovery requires staying in reality.  You can't wish anything away.  You can't pretend to be okay.  You can't ignore the truth.  It takes courage to face the facts sometimes.  It takes strength to bring something out in the open so that it can be dealt with.  No more masks.  No more excuses.  For your sake, you have to get real.  

THE MISPERCEPTION OF OTHERS ~ 

Once you have clarity about reality you must be willing to risk that others will misperceive you.  Survivors want others to understand them.  They do not want anyone upset with them.  Their childhood training taught them that "if you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all." ... The fact is that you can give the perfect explanation and others will not understand it, maybe not even believe it.  Even those who truly do cherish the survivor will misperceive ...

If survivors are making significant changes, the people around them will not like it because it might mean they have to change too. 

They will misinterpret the survivor's actions.  They may even question the survivor's motivation and conduct.  Count on it.  Remember, others ... will have to go through denial, fear and anger before they get to the pain.  That includes family members, friends and other people onwhom survivors might count.  If you are committed to reality, you must accept that people will misperceive you.

TO HAVE BOUNDARIES ~

If you are willing to have others misperceive you, then you must run the risk of drawing boundaries.  Implementing the boundaries you have specified in your recovery plan will upset people.  When you start insisting on maintaining limits and meeting your own needs, self-respect emerges. 

You are a person who demands reckoning;
You are a person of value ...

Second, having boundaries clarifies values.  They essentially are the answer to the question, "For what am I willing to fight?"  Those values help define who you are.  Finally, by successfully implementing boundaries, a new trust for yourself emerges.  Survivors can and will take care of themselves, which creates a new sense of safety.

TO SAY GOOD-BYE ~

If someone does not respect your boundaries, you will have to leave ... The best thing for you - and in fact, the other person as well - is to face the reality that the relationship cannot survive.  Saying good-bye is wrenching for survivors, who already grieve many losses ... So when it is time to say good-bye, the grief will be overwhelming.  The only choice you have to survive is to embrace the pain and experience the loss.  You may not have to say good-bye, but you must be willing to do so.  In fact, life as you know it may require a complete transformation for you to survive these relationships.  Work, values, homes, friends and even family relationships may have to substantively change for a successful recovery. 

What lengths are you willing to go to in order to be free? 

When you answer that question, you may have to face another risk; to be alone and be okay.

TO BE ALONE AND BE OKAY ~

People who are not afraid to be alone can afford to demand relationships that work.  They are not desperate while between relationships.  Nor do they fill their lives with mindless television or mind-numbing addictions.  They learn to be alone and be okay.

TO BE SPIRITUAL ~

Here is what happens spiritually:

1. Crisis and pain force surrender.
2. We accept the realties we tried to flee.
3. The lesson will be repeated until learned.  If ignored, the lessons become harder.
4. The lessons teach us about human limitation.
5. We believed we were more than other humans.  We could escape the harm.
6. When we accept suffering, we reconnect with the deeper rhythms of the universe.
7. We cannot escape the inevitable message.  Now it means too much.
8. We have lost too much, but we do have integrity.
9. Never again will we let things not matter.  We are part of a larger purpose.
10. We know we have learned the lesson when our actions change.

First comes the connection with self and the acceptance of your own brokenness.  Then there is the acceptance of the community and renewed trust in others.  The ability to trust oneself and others clears the path to trusting a creator. 

That trust also means acceptance of a larger purpose, a purpose in which, at times, even bad things can happen to very good people ...

To trust a higher purpose or power requires an essential trust of others.  Trust of others really only comes from a deep trust of your own integrity.

TO BE HONEST ~

If you have a solid spiritual life, you realize that nothing really disconnects you from others.  Then it is a matter of courage to be yourself and to be honest about who you are.  This means:

1. To admit the hard things about yourself.
2. To be clear about hard things others must hear.
3. To not mislead anyone.
4. To not live a secret life.
5. To abandon false fronts and false pride.
6. To be clear about your intent.
7. To tell the truth.
8. To not hide from difficult moments.
9. To give up being "nice" all the time.
10. To state your needs and wants without shame.
11. To not cover or lie for anyone.  

TO BE VULNERABLE ~

The most important skill to acquire and use in recovery is the capacity to get a consultation.  To get a consultation means to involve people in what goes on in your own interior world.  The dumb thoughts.  The scary thoughts.  The garbled thoughts.  The irrational fears.  The angry, vengeful fantasies.  The nightmares.  The unspoken desire. 

By sharing with others, you have an examined life.  People know who you are.  They also help you with their perspectives and ideas.  They bring reality and problem-solving skills to your life.  This process allows for integration of the darker side of yourself and acceptance of your humanness ... It is then that we can share the shadow side of ourselves, the nasty, mean-spirited side of ourselves ... Failure to own that reality will keep us from the serenity that we seek.  Disowning our shadow will prevent integrity.  Remember that others are mirrors for ourselves.  What we love or hate in others reflects what we love or hate about ourselves. 

Dr. Carl Jung wrote that to acknowledge our skeletons is the only way we will be able to ultimately accept the "gold" of life.

TO FIGHT ~

Most survivors avoid conflict.  In their past, anger and violence meant great danger.  There were rules about keeping the peace and saying nice things.  The truth is that sometimes you will have to fight.  To remove yourself from a trauma bond safely and with self-care might mean that you have to insist on your rights ... Let go of being nice.  It is always important to let others hear you.  It is important to protect yourself.  It is always important to make sure you do not intentionally hurt others purely for the sake of hurting them.  These are all good reasons to fight.  Besides, the boundaries become clear in the process.

TO DEFINE SELF ~

One of the most common reports from people emerging from a trauma is that they had not realized how much someone or something else regulated their values, lifestyle and daily choices.

TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF ~

Your life is up to you.  Take charge of it or somebody else will.

FROM SUFFERING TO MEANING ~

Whether it is betrayal by seduction, terror, power, intimacy or spirit, exploitation is simply no longer acceptable ... We are accountable to each other for our behavior ... You have committed yourself to stopping or changing an abusive relationship.  In that you have helped all of us.

(from the book: The Betrayal Bond - Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.)

 

Though no one can go back
And make a brand new start,
Anyone can start from now
And
Make a brand new ending.

                                                     ~ Author Unknown