Compassion For Children

I learned compassion while I raised my children and as they grew, my perception of compassion grew ... not just for my children but for the world's children.  I realized that this world will never be truly safe for my children until it is safe for ALL children ... I can give my child every possible advantage and opportunity but if they encounter a child who is desperately lacking those advantages and opportunities, the child without can not help but play out the actions of envy.  In playgrounds and neighborhoods near us, envy exhibits itself in the most violent ways.  The answer is not to stop nurturing my children.  The answer is to offer nurture and support to all children ...
 

 

Allowing Our Children To Be Practicing Nonattachment Parenting asks us to rise to some of the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment. On the one hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most of us love in a very attached way. On the other hand, it also requires that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we must practice some level of nonattachment. Many parents find this difficult because we love our children fiercely, more than we will ever love anyone, and this can cause us to overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows. Yet truly loving them requires that we set them free. Attachment to outcome is perhaps the greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the most about the importance of practicing nonattachment. We commonly perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we know what's best for them, but our children are people in their own right with their own paths to follow in this world. They may be called to move in directions we fear, don't respect, or don't understand, yet we must let them go. This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no longer require our guidance. At this point, it is important that we treat them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives. This allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer their offspring -independence. Letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust in the universe, in the overall meaning and purpose of existence. Remembering that there is more to us and our children than meets the eye can help us practice nonattachment, even when we feel overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere. We are all souls making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the same source. This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace and confidence. Want more DailyOM?   Register for your free email, or browse all articles

 

Compassion without attachment is possible.
Therefore,
we need to clarify the distinctions
between
compassion and attachment.

True compassion is not just an emotional response
but
a firm commitment founded on reason.

Because of this firm foundation,
a truly compassionate attitude
toward others
does not change even if they behave negatively.

Genuine compassion
is based not on our own projections and expectations,

but

rather on the needs of the other:
irrespective of whether another person is a close friend

or an enemy,
as long as that person wishes for peace and happiness

and wishes to overcome suffering,

then on that basis we develop genuine concern

for their problem.

This is genuine compassion.

The goal is to develop this genuine compassion,

this genuine wish for the well-being
of another,

in fact
for every living being throughout the universe.


-- from "The Compassionate Life" by Tenzin Gyatso,

the Fourteenth Dalai Lama