... So We Can See How Far We Have Come!
I was inspired eight months ago! I started keeping a journal about the things I am learning in recovery from the effects of domestic violence, but along the way, I learned that recovery from domestic violence is the same as recovery from drugs or alcohol or anything else that is taking over your life.
I remember ...
- Wondering what happened
- Feeling hurt and confused
- Blaming myself
- Walking on eggshells
- Feeling nervous most of the time
- Making excuses for his bad moods
- Justifying his bad behavior
- Appetite Loss
- Not being able to sleep
- Feeling afraid
- Pretending nothing was wrong
- Feeling Isolated
- Feeling embarrassed
- Being afraid to tell anyone
- Not thinking anyone would understand
- Worrying about what people would think
- Thinking no one would understand
- Feeling trapped
I remember ...
Do any of those things sound familiar?
Any similarity between my story and someone else's is actually one of the strange coincidences about abusers ... abusers seem to call us the same names ... treat us all in the same way ... play the same dirty tricks ... I think they are similar because, when each of them thinks of the worst thing they can do, they all scoop from the bottom of the same barrel.
I served my time in hell. I fought my way out. I did the work. I SURVIVED. I got past the abuse by moving forward ... through the dark to the other side.
I was blessed to have the support of really good people that believed in me. One of the most supportive people then and now was Joey. He never let me give up. He came to me as a friend ... my BEST friend ... and after years apart, we married for the second time! Choosing to walk with someone through such a dark place is a story in itself and I will share that part of the story with you later. I promise. I am mentioning it now because neither of us would want anyone to think that Joey was the man who abused me! When I decided to make my story public to reach more people, Joey and I talked about things that were important to us. We agreed that what we have learned could help other people who are still out there.
I know you are out there. I know you are scared. I know you don't know what to do. I know he or she tells you that you are no good. He or she blames you ... that everything is all your fault. I know that he or she keeps everything so confusing that sometimes you don't know which way is up. I know it feels like being lost in the dark.
I don't have all the answers. I'm just one woman ... who found a way out of that dark place. I don't care what other people think! I know some people won't understand. I know some people don't want to believe abuse happens because they are still in denial ... Maybe, they were abused? Maybe, they are abusing someone else? Maybe, they have turned their back on a sister or a friend because the abuse was just too hard to watch? How people react isn't always about you.
I remember, in the beginning, I just wanted someone to hear me.
I believe you.
I'm sending help in the only way I know how. I'm sending you the words that helped me heal. I'm sending you the wisdom of people much smarter than me. I'm not judging you or telling you what to do. I'm sending you love and prayers and encouragement. I want you to know ...
There is a way out!
It doesn't matter how you got here. It doesn't matter what your abuser says! He is WRONG! You are a good person. You have a big heart and so much to give. You don't deserve the abuse! It's not your fault! Sweetie, it never was!
We'll talk about how you can stop the abuse in your life and get your life back ... Until then, no matter what,
Take Care Of YOU!
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