YOU Are A GOOD Person ...

... who has found yourself in a bad place, but you are doing something about it.

You admitted to at least one person that you are being abused!

Are you afraid to think about what might happen next?
Are you feeling overwhelmed?
Do you think it would help if you had more time to think?

While you're trying to figure out what you want, I have a few questions you might want to ask yourself too ...

What makes you feel good about yourself?
What have other people said or done that made you feel good about yourself?
What have other people said or done that made you feel bad about yourself?
Have there been times in your life when you felt better about yourself than at other times?
Why do you think that is?
How much do you care about what other people think about you?
Does someone else's opinion of you mean more to you than your opinion of yourself?
How do you think abuse has effected your self esteem?
Is there something you could do today to make you feel better about yourself?

Before I read that it was actually helpful to engage in positive self-talk, I had an idea.  If most of my friends feel like they can turn to me when they are in trouble and I give good advice to them, why can't I be as loving with myself?  I pretended that my problems were not mine but my best friends ... If my friend were in trouble, I'd talk to them or write them a letter.  I'd tell them I loved them and how much I cared for them and try to encourage them.  I wrote myself the following letter:

  

Dear Taylor,  

I am going to write you as if you were my friend, and not, in fact, myself.  I know where you are at.  I watched you fall.  I saw you cry when no one else did.  I want you to know that I forgive you for hurting me, Taylor.  You made a few mistakes.  So what?  I'm not disappointed in you.  They reminded you that you are only human.  As many things as you have accomplished in your life, it didn't hurt for you to be humbled.  I know it hurts for people to see you falling apart.  I know it's embarrassing.  Don't hide from the truth!  Face it! 

Face every one of those silly fears!  Be brave.  Your fears can't hurt you.  YOU can make them go away, one by one!  

It seems like the biggest burden that you carry is the love you feel for the unlovable.  You want so badly to help and change and fix.  Have you forgotten that only God can help and change and fix?  Sometimes, He uses you.  Sometimes, He puts that person on your heart for only a little while, so you can pray.  Release them.  Sometimes, He lets you walk with them through a trouble spot to remind them that they are not alone.  Let them go.  Other times, He has allowed you to open your heart to exactly the kind of person YOU needed to meet. 

Learn the lesson.  

Which lesson?  The one where you give EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT in the hopes that SOMEONE WILL WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU ... where you stop being who you are to be who you think they want you to be.  Don't you think it's odd that you can be in a room of 100 men, and instinctively, you find the one who needs you most?  They always need YOU, but did YOU ever really NEED them?  Were most of the men in your life the kind of person who could take care of you, to begin with? 

From the very start, you want to believe in them, and they set out to prove to you why you shouldn't, couldn't and wouldn't if you were in any other kind of relationship with them!  Sprinkle a little romance dust over a scoundrel and you will bite every time!  I'm not putting you down, but it has gotten to be down right comical, don't you think?  

Taylor, it's like you jump into the deep end of the lake to save someone who can't swim, and they always end up pulling you down, because in romantic relationships, you are not a strong swimmer!  You never have been!  If you are going to keep playing in the deep water, we need to get you swimming lessons! 

We need to develop some skills that will make you look before you leap.  I don't want you to get so hurt anymore.  I want you to protect yourself, because if you don't, who will?  

Before I sign out, I want to say one more thing.  I am proud of you!  I know this isn't easy.  I know you want to give up.  I know you are hurting.  I know you are afraid.  I also know you are VERY BRAVE!  Sometimes, you have the courage of ten people, especially when you are defending someone else! 

It's time for you to defend yourself!  If you don't, who will?  

Take care Darlin!



Maybe, it would help you think more clearly if you wrote down how you feel?  Answer your own questions.  It's not a test.  No one is going to check your spelling or grade your answers.  YOUR answers are YOUR answers.  This is something you are doing just for you. 

If you aren't comfortable writing ... go to the mirror and talk to yourself.  Tell yourself ...

I love you (your name).
You are a good person.
You have made a few mistakes but so has everyone else.
I forgive you.
I am going to start taking better care of you.
I am a smart woman and I will figure out what I need to do.
This is my life.
I am in charge of my life.
I believe in you.
I trust you to do the right thing.

It will feel silly at first ... but it might become a habit.  In times of extreme stress or when I am facing a tough situation, I have been known to give myself a pep talk now and then ... at home, in the car, on a walk ... on the way into a meeting ...

Let me tell you a funny story.  If I am in public, I'll flip open my cell and pretend to be talking to someone else when I am really giving myself a pep talk.  I was standing outside a building talking to myself on the phone and a lady overheard me.  I closed the phone and turned to go into the building when the lady stopped me.  She said, "I just have to tell you that you just gave your friend the kindest advice.  She's lucky to have you for a friend."

That lady was right.  I am lucky to have me for a friend! 

The same is true for YOU.  Life might be a little messy right now.  You are hurting and confused, overwhelmed and afraid ... but deep down inside you is the GREATEST ally and BEST friend you will ever have.  Things might get worse before they get better, but YOU can get through it!  YOU have already survived the WORST part!

YOU have a heart big enough to love someone no matter what he did to you!  YOU have a heart big enough to love YOU too!  IT'S YOUR TURN TO ...

TAKE CARE OF YOU