THREE

Three?

I'm once, twice, THREE times a lady ... and he loves me ...

When we are together ... The moments I cherish ...
With every beat of my heart ...

I'm once, twice, THREE times a lady ... and he loves me ...

Step Three ... The THIRD agreement ... 

I'd like to talk some more about A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom - THE FOUR AGREEMENTS - A Toltec Wisdom Book by Don Miguel Ruiz.   He shares Toltec Wisdom ... which says we all live by spoken and unspoken beliefs (agreements) that we have gathered since birth.  We can transform our lives by replacing any negative agreements with THE FOUR AGREEMENTS.  The third agreement is: 

3.    DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Don Miguel Ruiz says:

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. 

With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 

We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything.  The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are truth.  We could swear they are real.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. 

That is why whenever we make assumptions, we are asking for problems.  We make assumptions, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing ... We create a lot of emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally ... We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.  We don't perceive things the way they are ...
When the truth comes out, we find out itwas not what we thought at all ...

Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems.  This is the way the human mind works ...

Often when you go into a relationship with someone you like, you have to justify why you like that person.  You only see what you want to see and you deny there are things you don't like about that person ...

Your love will not change anybody. 

If others change, it's because they want to change, not because you can change them.  Then something happens between the two of you, and you get hurt.  Suddenly you see what you didn't want to see before, only now it is amplified by your emotional poison.  Now you have to justify your emotional pain and blame them for your choices ...

REAL LOVE IS ACCEPTING OTHER PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE WITHOUT TRYING TO CHANGE THEM. 

If we try to change them, this means we don't really like them ... If others feel they have to change you, that means they really don't love you just the way you are. 

So why be with someone if you're not the way he or she wants you to be?


Things are the way they are.  Good or bad, this is where we are ... to learn from THIS moment.  We are cheating ourselves when we assume we know why people, places and things are the way they are.  ASSUMING only creates emotional poison and unnecessary drama.  We will all know what we need to know when it is the right time to know it.  Think of the trouble in our lives we could have avoided by just stopping ourselves from making assumptions! 

Powerful!  I learn something new every time I read THE FOUR AGREEMENTS.

The idea that EVERYTHING I thought ... could be wrong ... that I could actually replace those old beliefs and new agreements by not making assumptions ...

What could it hurt?

I had tried so many other things that hadn't worked.  I may as well try that!

Breaking old habits isn't easy.  I am co-dependent.  Co-dependents think we KNOW what is best for the people we love.

How can we "know" what other peopleneed when we don't even know what we need!

I also ASSUMED that everyone else thought the same way I did!  It took someone doing something that I would NEVER DO to wake up and GET REAL!  Reality will eventually topple every foolish notion you ever tried to cling to!  Seeing someone do something so violent made it very clear that we all do different things for different reasons.  

People react to life according to their own experience ...

This is true for strangers as well as the people closest to us. None of us will ever look at this old world in exactly the SAME way.  We can't think about or react to even one thing exactly the SAME way because we have different life experiences, different information, different reactions to what appears to be the very SAME thing.

The most we can ever hope for from another person is that occasionally we will share the same point of view ... but the odds are that most of us will feel TRUE KINSHIP with only a handful of people!

No matter how EVOLVED ... NO matter how ENLIGHTENED ... no matter how HEALED ... Most of the things we believe and think and know are as unique as tiny little snowflakes in the blizzard of life ... and just like those snowflakes ... we are just a small part of a very big picture ...

We don't have to assume anything ...

If we keep our own speech impeccable, and we don't take other's personally, our minds will be less cluttered and our emotions will be more clear to listen with compassion and really hear other people's truths ...

And people do tell their own truths ... But we miss them or overlook them ... People tell us a lot when they talk about themselves ... When they tell a story, are they always the "winner" or do they share stories about times they learned something too?  Do they talk in a mean way about past relationships or people who aren't there to defend themselves?  It is good to remember that you have spoken in the same ways when you were under the burden of so many negative agreements.

If someone says something or does something that seems strange to you, it's okay to say, "Excuse me?  Did I just hear that right?" or "Excuse me?  Did you just do ... ?" 

If they don't answer ... their choice.  No big deal.  If they get mad at being questioned ... their choice.  No big deal.  If they explain themselves in a way that you learn something new ... their choice.  A pretty good deal!

You see, if they ignore you, it's because they don't know what to say.  

If they get mad, it's not about you.  You touched a nerve or a hurt place in them.  

If they teach you a new point of view, you both win.  Their point of view will become one that they have to explain and prove ... and it might or might not stand the test.  Your point of view may or may not be expanded to include the new information you have just heard.  Either way, you both get to make choices ... and that's pretty cool when you consider all the choices and decisions that you both will make in a day in a week in a year in your life!

So if we are impeccable in our speech and we resist the temptation to take others personally and we don't make assumptions ... what else is there for us to do?

That would be the FOURTH Agreement ...

Tags: The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz, THREE: Don't Make Assumptions