Yesterday, I asked a question ... WHAT IF?
It was a simple question that had many answers.
People hear what they hear. People defend the place they are RIGHT NOW and that's PERFECTLY okay.
I asked the questions because I am just beginning to see something that I can't quite articulate, but I will try.
I recently had the experience of someone wanting to pull me into a power struggle. I am capable of winning any power struggle I'm faced with as in I WIN - THEY LOSE but I decided not to engage this person or invest myself in the power struggle. I chose to ignore it. I was there to do a job and I continued working.
Ignoring this person's actions only made her more determined to WIN ... She began to talk about me behind my back and other people came to me to tell me the things she was saying. There was a time that would have pulled me into some truly delicious drama, but I saw the drama for what it was. She was jealous of me and she wanted to bring me down. Even though the talk was about me, it was not about me at all. It was her issue and I consciously, mindfully chose to not get involved.
I told the people who came to "warn" me (just another word for gossip), "I appreciate you sharing your concern. Please don't worry. Everything will be okay." I really meant it. I really did believe that everything would be okay. We were all there to work and this was just a distraction that could/would keep us from doing our best if we stop working to play out the drama.
We kept working. We (the rest of the group) talked about other things. We shared OUR OWN stories about things totally unrelated to the drama that almost was. Gossiping and whispering about her would have been no different than what she was doing ... Gossiping would have given more power and credibility to the drama but ignoring it and continuing to do the thing we came to do gave more power to the cause we were working on. We had work to do and we focused on the work, as we should have.
I was amazed at the difference my lack of reaction made to the overall work environment. Instead of there being tension for everyone when she and I were in the same room, I consciously and mindfully treated her with the same care and compassion that I had shown for everyone else. I treated her the same. It wasn't an act. I truly felt that she was the same.
I was amazed at the difference my lack of reaction made to the overall work environment. Instead of there being tension for everyone when she and I were in the same room, I consciously and mindfully treated her with the same care and compassion that I had shown for everyone else. I treated her the same. It wasn't an act. I truly felt that she was the same.
We all know it is easy to be nice to someone who is nice to us ... but all we stand for comes home and takes root when we are able to be nice to someone who is not nice to us. It confounds our enemies. It gets their attention way more than if we get down in the mud with them! They expected to make us angry. They were trying to. The LAST THING they expect is care and compassion!
No matter what she said or did, I continued to work and treat her like everyone else. While I was working and listening to everyone else tell funny stories and sharing laughter, I had glimpses of intuition ...
When I had too much hurt in my own life, I wasn't always nice to the people around me. It didn't make me feel better to be around happy people. It made me feel worse. I felt envious. Why did everyone else seem so happy? Why couldn't I be happy? In another time, I was her ... In another time, under different circumstances, she may have been like me.
I chose to be kind ... no matter what ... because kindness is a better choice for me. She was and is free to make whatever choices she wants to make. I don't expect she and I will ever be best friends but we could be, I suppose ... because this day and this time, I chose not to become an additional hurt or slight in her story.
Her actions had no effect on me other than to teach me how to behave in a different way ... in a way that will work for me.
No matter what she said or did, I continued to work and treat her like everyone else. While I was working and listening to everyone else tell funny stories and sharing laughter, I had glimpses of intuition ...
When I had too much hurt in my own life, I wasn't always nice to the people around me. It didn't make me feel better to be around happy people. It made me feel worse. I felt envious. Why did everyone else seem so happy? Why couldn't I be happy? In another time, I was her ... In another time, under different circumstances, she may have been like me.
I chose to be kind ... no matter what ... because kindness is a better choice for me. She was and is free to make whatever choices she wants to make. I don't expect she and I will ever be best friends but we could be, I suppose ... because this day and this time, I chose not to become an additional hurt or slight in her story.
Her actions had no effect on me other than to teach me how to behave in a different way ... in a way that will work for me.
When I got home, I had this email:
When you have learned, through discipline, to simplify your life (1. Keep your speech impeccable), and so practiced the mindfulness of meditation, and through it loosened the hold of aggression, clinging, and negativity on your whole being (2. Don't take anything personally), the wisdom of insight can slowly dawn (3. Don't make assumptions). And in the all-revealing clarity of its sunlight, this insight can show you, distinctly and directly, both the subtlest workings of your own mind and the nature of reality (4. Always do your best).
The practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus, is called Peacefully Remaining or Calm Abiding.
All the fragmented aspects of ourselves, which had been at war, settle and dissolve and become friends. In that settling we begin to understand ourselves more, and sometimes even have glimpses of the radiance of our fundamental nature.
"Glimpses" by Sogyal Rinpoche
You may not see the significance in Sogyal Rinpoche's words in the same way I did ... This was saying what I have been saying! I saw the four agreements in these words.
The Four Agreements are something I read about and studied ... They are something I've talked and written about. This past week, I learned how to LIVE THEM, and this email was like a confirmation that I am on the right path for me ... It was another one of those "God Winks" that I talk about ... a sign!
The practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus, is called Peacefully Remaining or Calm Abiding.
I had learned by living it that if we quiet our own minds, we can see thing more clearly and react to others with more compassion. Choosing PEACE and CALM is new for me. I am a co-dependent in recovery. In the past, I have made mighty mountains out of tiny molehills. In recovery, I am watching mighty mountains dissolve into tiny molehills ...
Recovery is the place where I learned ...
~ Simplicity
~ Integrity
~ Compassion
~ Emotion
~ Mindfulness
When you have learned, through discipline, to simplify your life (1. Keep your speech impeccable), and so practiced the mindfulness of meditation, and through it loosened the hold of aggression, clinging, and negativity on your whole being (2. Don't take anything personally), the wisdom of insight can slowly dawn (3. Don't make assumptions). And in the all-revealing clarity of its sunlight, this insight can show you, distinctly and directly, both the subtlest workings of your own mind and the nature of reality (4. Always do your best).
The practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus, is called Peacefully Remaining or Calm Abiding.
All the fragmented aspects of ourselves, which had been at war, settle and dissolve and become friends. In that settling we begin to understand ourselves more, and sometimes even have glimpses of the radiance of our fundamental nature.
"Glimpses" by Sogyal Rinpoche
You may not see the significance in Sogyal Rinpoche's words in the same way I did ... This was saying what I have been saying! I saw the four agreements in these words.
The Four Agreements are something I read about and studied ... They are something I've talked and written about. This past week, I learned how to LIVE THEM, and this email was like a confirmation that I am on the right path for me ... It was another one of those "God Winks" that I talk about ... a sign!
The practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus, is called Peacefully Remaining or Calm Abiding.
I had learned by living it that if we quiet our own minds, we can see thing more clearly and react to others with more compassion. Choosing PEACE and CALM is new for me. I am a co-dependent in recovery. In the past, I have made mighty mountains out of tiny molehills. In recovery, I am watching mighty mountains dissolve into tiny molehills ...
Recovery is the place where I learned ...
~ Simplicity
~ Integrity
~ Compassion
~ Emotion
~ Mindfulness
This week, I learned that they have become a part of the way I live!
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