Recovery is like a roller coaster ride. You can be on top of the mountain one day and in a deep valley the next day. It seems to come with the territory. Don't worry. Ride it out.
If things are good, let them be good.
If something triggers a bad memory, just ride it out.
I don't mean hold your breath and hope for things to turn around! I mean let yourself feel whatever pain or feelings that come ... for a little bit. Accept that it was bad then and remind yourself it isn't bad now. If something unpleasant happens today, face it and deal with it as best you can.
The act of taking charge of yourself changes your mood.
You know you can handle it. You've already handled worse than this! No sweat! You are a survivor, and surviving is what we do!
I used to think I was the only one that drove myself crazy with asking WHY, but as I talked to more and more ladies, I learned that all us drive ourselves and each other nuts with the endless questions about the guys we like or the guys we don't like, care about or despise, love or no longer love, obsess over ...
What was he thinking?
What is he thinking?
Does he think at all?
Why is he doing this?
What does this mean?
Why won't he do that?
What does that mean?
Why would a guy say this to me?
What would you think if a guy said that to you?
Why did he quit doing the things for me that he used to?
What changed?
It would seem perfectly logical that the most obvious way to find out what we want to know is to just ask him but I'm not sure there are many men who can tell you why they do what they do ... or what they were thinking about at the time? It's not that men don't think or they aren't self aware ... It's just that they don't analyze "every little thing" like us women sometimes do!
So what do most of us do after an argument or a break up? We talk to at least one of our girlfriends and worry the heck out of each other trying to figure "him" out! We talk and think and think and talk ad nauseum, and probably don't end up any closer to the real answer as we were when we first started, but it sure was fun, wasn't it? LOL!
CAUTION / WORD OF WARNING:
IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH AN ABUSER, YOU CAN'T ASK HIM ANYTHING. AS LITTLE CONTACT AS POSSIBLE IS MUCH SAFER FOR YOU. HE ISN'T GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW IT HIMSELF. HE IS MORE INTERESTED IN PROTECTING HIMSELF THAN HELPING YOU TO HEAL. STARTING A CONVERSATION WITH HIM JUST GIVES HIM ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO VERBALLY ABUSE YOU. HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN BEING KIND TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE OR HE WOULDN'T BE AN ABUSER IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I don't want to take away from the need we all have to ask ourselves a million questions if that's what it takes to heal. All that questioning is part of our healing too. We have to ask ourselves questions before we feel the need to find answers ...
... the answers that will really work for us ...
... the answers that will serve us best ...
... the answers that will make it easier for us to accept what happened ...
... the answers that will help us understand enough of what that we won't repeat our mistakes again ...
There will come a point where you reach the last question and you say, "Enough" because you know you answered all the questions you could and the rest will have to take care of itself.
During my "questioning phase", I read this book and had to laugh.
Isn't it funny how ALL THOSE QUESTIONS can really be boiled down to one simple answer? According to this book ...
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
answers almost all those questions!
Why doesn't he call me anymore?
He's just not that into you!
Why does he always interrupt me when I'm talking?
He's just not that into you!
Why doesn't he dress up for me?
He's just not that into you!
Why won't he do things with my friends?
He's just not that into you!
Why don't we ever go where I want to go?
He's just not that into you!
See? All of the "Why doesn't he take care of me and the things I want"-questions are easily answered by ...
HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
Makes life a lot simpler, doesn't it?
If a man wants us, he'll move heaven and earth to find us. If he cares about us, he'll dress up, shave and be at your door an hour early with flowers. He'll go wherever you want to go and do whatever youwant todo and go with whoever you want to go with just for the privilege of being with you because ...
THAT MAN IS INTO YOU!!!
I read the book and later, I saw it highlighted on AOL:
Is He Interested?
You gave him your number, but after a week, no call. So why are you still waiting by the phone?
Give it up, says 'Sex and the City' writer Greg Behrendt. Stop asking your friends for advice and accept that He's Just Not That Into You.
Women tend to make excuses for men's wishy-washy behavior. But according to Behrendt, if he doesn't call or follow up on a date, he's not interested. The sooner you admit it, the better off you'll be.
It's All There in Black and White!
Want Behrendt's complete take on men and dating? Buy the book. It really is a good book.
It's real simple. If this guy isn't into you, quit wasting your time and find someone who is ... because somewhere out there is a guy just wishing he could find a gal just like you!
I remember looking forward to meeting him! How about you?
We can't find that guy who is really into us if we spend too much time worrying about the last one who wasn't ... so there is only one thing to do ...
NEXT !?!?!?
Extra note: If you find your mind wandering when he's talking ... If everything he does starts to bug you ... If you can't stand to watch him eat ... If you really start to HATE the way he dresses ... If you would rather wash your hair, visit a sick friend in the hospital, mow the yard, or paint the living room than go somewhere with him ... OR you find yourself watching the clock, wishing the time would go faster when you are with him ... Guess what? You might not be that into him either! Go ahead! Tell him IN A NICE WAY that you just aren't that into him and get on with life! You'll be doing him and you a favor, so let's say it again:
NEXT !?!?!?
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