Hello. My name is Taylor and I am being stalked.
Legal Definition of Stalking: a pattern of intentional, substantial, and unreasonable intrusion into the private life of a targeted person that serves no legitimate purpose and causes the person and would cause a reasonable person in his position to suffer mental or emotional distress. May include, but is not limited to, verbal, written, or electronic contact that is initiated, maintained, or repeated.
Aydan is the man who abused me. I understand Aydan reads my journal but I'm not writing to or for Aydan. I am writing for you and me. I am unconcerned if Aydan wants to eavesdrop. Aydan and people like Aydan will eventually hear:
- Good people will not tolerate their bad behavior forever.
- I will not be bullied by Aydan, anyone claiming to be Aydan or anyone claiming to know Aydan.
- He/they want me to stop keeping an on-line journal about domestic abuse because it is upsetting to him/them.
- If I don't do what he/they ask, they will FORCE me to comply with their demands (You see how well that threat has worked).
- Bizarre Accusations.
- Asking me to please talk to him/them about what is bothering him/them ... pages and pages of "TALK TO ME. HELLO?" ...
It is my belief that the more people (including local law enforcement) that know about my situation, the more SAFE I actually am. The same way I didn't hide in the corner about being abused, I am not going to hide in the corner about this either.
Stalking
A recent study by the National Institute of Justice found that stalking was far more prevalent than anyone had imagined: 8% of American women and 2% of American men will be stalked in their lifetimes. That’s 1.4 million American stalking victims every year. The majority of stalkers have been in relationships with their victims, but a significant percentage either never met their victims, or were just acquaintances - neighbors, friends or co-workers.
Types Of Stalkers
There is tremendous confusion in the stalking research literature about how to classify stalkers. Everyone uses different terms. We have broken down types of stalkers into three broad categories: Intimate partner stalkers, delusional stalkers and vengeful stalkers. Obviously, there is overlap. Since studies show that the overwhelming number of stalkers are men and the overwhelming number of their victims are women, we will be referring to stalkers and their victims accordingly.
Intimate Partner Stalkers
Intimate Partner Stalkers are typically known as the guy who "just can’t let go." These are most often men who refuse to believe that a relationship has really ended. Often, other people - even the victims - feel sorry for them. But they shouldn’t. Studies show that the vast majority of these stalkers are not sympathetic, lonely people who are still hopelessly in love, but were in fact emotionally abusive and controlling during the relationship. Well over half of stalkers fall into this "former intimate partner" category.
If a stalker can’t have his victim’s love, he’ll take her hatred or her fear. The worst thing in the world for him is to be ignored. Think of little children: If they’re not getting the attention they want, they’ll act out and misbehave because even negative attention is better than none at all. Former Intimate Partner Stalkers have their entire sense of self-worth caught up inthe fact that, "she loves me." Since giving up hisvictim means giving up his self-worth, he is very unlikely to do so.
Delusional Stalkers
Delusional Stalkers frequently have had little, if any, contact with their victims. They may have major mental illnesses like schizophrenia, manic-depression or erotomania. What they all have in common is some false belief that keeps them tied to their victims. This type of stalker actually believes that he is having a relationship with his victim, even though they might never have met.
Another type of Delusional Stalker might believe that he is destined to be with someone, and that if he only pursues her hard enough and long enough, she will come to love him as he loves her. These stalkers know they are not having a relationship with their victims, but firmly believe that they will some day.
Vengeful Stalkers
The final category of stalker is not lovelorn. He is the Vengeful Stalker. These stalkers become angry with their victims over some slight, real or imagined. Politicians, for example, get many of these types of stalkers who become angry over some piece of legislation or program the official sponsors. But, disgruntled ex-employees can also stalk, whether targeting their former bosses, co-workers or the entire company. Some of these angry stalkers are psychopaths, i.e. people without conscience or remorse. Some are delusional, (most often paranoid), and believe that they, in fact, are the victims. They all stalk to "get even."
Former intimate partner stalkers and delusional stalkers can become vengeful for a variety of reasons. For example, when their victims get restraining orders, or marry.
http://www.antistalking.com
For stalking laws in your State:
Stalking Resource Center -- National Center for Victims of Crime - stalking laws
Aydan could be all three of those! Just like we talked about so many times before, if an abuser can't get us back, they will try to get back at us.
I am limited in what I can/will say about what I have done and will do about it because he/they obviously read this journal, but I am not putting up with any more of his/their nonsense.
Will it make Aydan mad when/if he reads this? Probably. What else is new? Aydan's ALWAYS mad. Am I worried about it? No.
There are things we can do to protect ourselves. Even a restraining order or order of protection is just a piece of paper. You may be hoping that the police will protect you, but the reality is that it will take the police 15-45 minutes to answer a 911 call. That's way too much time for someone to harm us, our family or our property. Inevitably, our personal protection is our responsibility.
Security Recommendations For Stalking Victims
(The following is provided by the Los Angeles Police Department, Threat Management Unit.)
Residence Security
- Be alert for any suspicious persons.
- Positively identify callers before opening doors. Install a wide angle viewer in all primary doors.
- Install a porch light at a height which would discourage removal.
- Install dead bolts on all outside doors. If you cannot account for all keys, change door locks. Secure spare keys. Place a dowel in sliding glass doors and all sliding windows.
- Keep garage doors locked at all times. Use an electric garage door opener.
- Install adequate outside lighting.
- Trim shrubbery. Install locks on fence gates.
- Keep fuse box locked. Have battery lanterns in residence.
- Install a loud exterior alarm bell that can be manually activated in more than one location. Maintain an unlisted phone number. Alert household members to unusual and wrong number calls. If such activity continues, notify local law enforcement agency.
- Any written or telephone threat should be treated as legitimate and must be checked out. Notify the appropriate law enforcement agency.
- All adult members of the household should be trained in the use of any firearm kept for protection. It should be stored out of reach of children.
- Household staff should have a security check prior to employment and should be thoroughly briefed on security precautions. Strictly enforce a policy of the staff not discussing family matters or movement with anyone.
- Be alert for any unusual packages, boxes, or devices on the premises. Do not disturb such objects.
- Maintain all-purpose fire extinguishers in the residence and in the garage. Install a smoke detector system.
- Tape emergency numbers on all phones.
- When away from the residence for an evening, place lights and radio on a timer. For extended absences, arrange to have deliveries suspended.
- Intruders will attempt to enter unlocked doors or windows without causing a disturbance. Keep doors and windows locked.
- Prepare an evacuation plan. Brief household members on plan procedures. Provide ladders or rope for two-story residences.
- A family dogis one of the least expensive but most effective alarm systems.
- Know the whereabouts of all family members at all times.
- Children should be accompanied to school or bus stops.
- Routes taken and time spent walking should be varied.
- Require identification of all repair & sales people prior to permitting entry into residence.
- Always park in a secured garage if available.
- Inform trusted neighbor regarding situation. Provide neighbor with photo or description of suspect and any possible vehicles.
- Inform trusted neighbors of any anticipated extended vacations, business trips, etc.
- During vacations, etc., have neighbors pick up mail and newspapers.
- If residing in an apartment with on-site manager, provide the manager with a picture of the suspect. If in a secured condominium, provide information to the doorman or valet.
Office Security
- Central reception should handle visitors and packages.
- Office staff should be alert for suspicious people, parcels, and packages that do not belong in the area.
- Establish key and lock control. If keys possessed by terminated employees are not retrieved, change the locks.
- Park in secured area if at all possible.
- Have your name removed from any reserved parking area.
- If there is an on-site security director, make him/her aware of the situation. Provide him/her with suspect information.
- Have secretary or co-worker screen calls if necessary.
- Have a secretary or security personnel screen all incoming mail (personal) or fan letters.
- Be alert to anyone possibly following you from work.
- Do not accept any package unless you personally ordered an item.
Personal Security
- Remove home address on personal checks and business cards.
- Place real property in a trust, and list utilities under the name of the trust.
- Utilize a private mail box service to receive all personal mail.
- File for confidential voter status or register to vote utilizing mail box address.
- Destroy discarded mail.
- Phone lines can be installed in a location other than the person's residence and call-forwarded to the residence.
- Place residence rental agreements in another person's name.
- The person's name should not appear on service or delivery orders to the residence.
- Do not obtain a mail box with the United States Post Office.
- Mail box address now becomes the person's official address on all records and in all rolodexes. It may be necessary or more convenient to list the mail box as "Suite 123" or "Apartment #123" rather than "Box 123".
- File a change of address card with the Post Office giving the mail box address as the person's new address. Send postcards [rather than U.S. Post Change of Address cards] to friends, businesses, etc., giving the mail box address and requesting that they remove the old address from their files and rolodexes.
- All current creditors should be given a change of address card to the mail box address. (Some credit reporting agencies will remove past addresses from credit histories if a request is made. We recommend this be done.)
- File a change of address with the DMV to reflect the person's new mail box address. Get a new driver's license with the new address on it.
Vehicle Security
- Park vehicles in well-lit areas. Do not patronize parking lots where car doors must be left unlocked and keys surrendered; otherwise surrender only the ignition key. Allow items to be placed in or removed from the trunk only in your presence.
- When parked in the residence garage, turn the garage light on and lock the vehicle and garage door.
- Equip the gas tank with a locking gas cap. The hood locking device must be controlled from inside the vehicle.
- Visually check the front and rear passenger compartments before entering the vehicle.
- Select a reliable service station for vehicle service.
- Keep doors locked while vehicle is in use.
- Be alert for vehicles that appear to be following you.
- When traveling by vehicle, plan ahead. Know the locations of police stations, fire departments, and busy shopping centers.
- Use a different schedule and route of travel each day. If followed, drive to a police station, fire department, or busy shopping center. Sound the horn to attract attention.
- Do not stop to assist stranded motorist. (Phone in.)
Los Angeles Police Dept., Threat Management Unit
If you require additional services:
Gavin de Becker & Associates :
A Firm That Provides Personal Threat Assessment
That's quite a list! You might not want/need to do everything on that list, but there are several VERY GOOD ideas. Go through the list and prioritize. Trust your instincts. You will know what you need to do. This is your life and everything you do to protect yourself is one step closer to taking your life back!
Take Care Of YOU!
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