Even after years of recovery, we can be overcome by those old thoughts and memories. When it happens, please don't worry too much. It's just a flare up ... remnants of a hurt that used to burn hot.
It's like this ...
Imagine a bonfire burning HOT and WILD, totally out of control and think about how our lives have been ... we are like that fire, running HOT, careening completely OUT OF CONTROL, but nothing ever stays out of control forever.
Eventually, something bigger than the event steps in to put the brakes on. For me, it was being faced with the business end of a shotgun. For you, it might have been when he turned his anger from you to your child. For another, it might be a "last straw" kind of thing where you reach a point when you just aren't going to take it anymore.
The "brakes" are like a nice big bucket of cold water poured over that fire. That's the beginning of recovery. But recovery doesn't put out the fire all at once. Just like any good bonfire, the wind plays with the embers and blows across the coals and gathers pieces of wood in the same place and flares up a time or two or three before it burns out all together.
The "flare-ups", no matter how predictable, scared me to death! I freaked out! I was like a kid who had been burned by fire and one tiny flare up made me think the whole woods could go up in flames, even worse than before, but that that's not likely.
Know why?
We have been in recovery. We have learned how to deal with the fire. We know what starts fires and we know how to put fires out. We have more water. We have learned some good ways to fight fire now. We are wiser. We aren't likely to get burned again! In fact, why not embrace "the fire"? Expect it! Bring a bag of marshmallows and make s'mores!
Celebrate THE END, because that's what it is!
I am glad for those little "bumps in the road"! It reminds me that I am still only human and that I have good days and bad days. It reminds me that nothing happens in a vacuum. I will face triggers and setbacks and flare-ups as well as healing and growth and victories and so will you, but if you start to feel down, there are things you can do ...
Whit from Whit's Whittlings (A blog on Blogstream) left the kindest and most precise advice to another friend who was feeling down, and it was just too good not to share ... with Whit's permission, of course.
Here are some things you can do when you are feeling a little blue:
1. Tell a good friend or family member how you feel-ask them if they have some time to listen to you. Tell them not to interrupt with any advice, criticism or judgments. Assure them that you can discuss what to do about the situation after you get done talking, but that just talking with no interruptions will help you feel better.
Your friends and family members may not know what to say. You can tell them to say any of the following:
"I'm sorry you are having such a hard time."
"What can I do to help?"
"Tell me how you feel."
"I'm here to listen."
"I love you."
"You are very special to me. I want you to get well."
"You will feel better. You will get well."
2. Get some exercise. Any movement, even slow movement will help you feel better-- climb the stairs, take a walk, sweep the floor.
3. Spend at least one half hour outdoors every day, even if it is cloudy or rainy.
4. Let as much light into your home or work place as possible--roll up the shades, turn on the lights.
5. Eat healthy food. Avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol and heavily salted foods. If you don't feel like cooking, ask a family member or friend to cook for you, order take out, or buy a healthy frozen dinner.
6. If you are having lots of negative thoughts or obsessing about difficult issues and hard times, divert your attention away from these thoughts by doing something you really enjoy, something that makes you feel good--like working in your garden, watching a funny video, working on a craft project, playing with a small child or your pet, buying yourself a treat like a new CD or a magazine, reading a good book or watching a ball game.
7. Relax! Sit down in a comfortable chair, loosen any tight clothing and take several deep breaths. Starting with your toes, focus your attention on each part of your body and let it relax. When you have relaxed your whole body, notice how it feels. Then focus your attention on a favorite scene, like a warm day in spring or a walk at the ocean, for at least 10 minutes.
8. If you are having trouble sleeping, try some of the following suggestions: drink a glass of warm milk, eat some turkey and/or drink a cup of chamomile tea before going to bed before going to bed:
read a calming book
take a warm bath
avoid strenuous activity
avoid caffeine and nicotine-both are stimulants
listen to soothing music after you lie down
eat foods high in calcium like dairy products and leafy green vegetables
avoid sleeping late in the morning, get up at your usual time
9. Ask a family member, friend or co-worker to take over some or all of your responsibilities for several days--like child care, household chores, work-related tasks so you have time to do the things you need to take care of yourself.
10. Keep your life as simple as possible. If it doesn't really need to be done, don't do it.
11. Avoid negative people who make you feel bad or irritated. Do not allow yourself to be abused in any way. Physical or emotional abuse can cause or worsen depression. If you are being physically or emotionally abused, ask your health care provider or a good friend to help you figure out what to do.
12. Avoid making any major decisions like career, relationship and housing changes until you feel better.
Things to Do After You Begin Feeling Better
1. Educate yourself about depression so that if you ever get depressed again, you and your supporters will know exactly what to do.
2. Become an effective advocate for yourself--figure out what you need and want for yourself, and then work toward it until you get it.
3. Develop and keep a strong support system of at least five supporters, people you feel comfortable with, trust and enjoy. If you don't have five supporters, make some new friends by joining a support group, attending community events, or taking an interesting course.
4. Write a plan to keep yourself well.
Include lists of:
Things you need to do every day to keep yourself well;
like get a half hour of exercise and
eat three healthy meals
things that may not need to be done every day, but if you miss them they will cause stress in your life;
like buying groceries,
paying bills or
cleaning your home
events or situations that, if they come up, may make you feel worse;
like a disagreement with a family member or
events or situations that, if they come up, may make you feel worse;
like a disagreement with a family member or
loss of your job,
and an action plan to follow if these events occur.
early warning signs that you are starting to get depressed again, like
feeling tired,
early warning signs that you are starting to get depressed again, like
feeling tired,
sleeping too much,
overeating,
and dropping things, and
an action plan to follow if they come up.
signs that things are getting much worse, you really are depressed;
like you can't get out of bed in the morning and
signs that things are getting much worse, you really are depressed;
like you can't get out of bed in the morning and
you feel negative about everything,
and an action plan to follow if this happens.
I hope life improves for you soon.
I hope life improves for you soon.
I really like lists ... plans of action ... that I can follow, when it's too hard for me to think of what I meant to think about ... If you have been there, you know what I mean! Sometimes, in moments of goodness and satisfaction, it is best to take a moment and plan for what you will do when life takes a downward dip ... because it will, it can and it does.
There is no need to be surprised or caught unaware! You've been around the block enough to know that planning for a crisis minimizes the effects of the crisis ... You can plan. You might fall once in a while. No worries! You are completely capable of catching yourself when it happens!
Take Care of YOU!
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