Before I read that it was actually therapeutic to engage in positive self-talk, I had an idea. If all my friends feel like they can turn to me when they are in trouble and I give good advice to them, why can't I be as loving with myself? I wrote myself the following letter:
Dear Taylor,
I am going to write you as if you were my friend, and not, in fact, myself. I know where you are at. I watched you fall. I saw you cry when no one else did. I want you to know that I forgive you for hurting me, Taylor. You made a few mistakes. So what? I'm not disappointed in you. They reminded you that you are only human. As many things as you have accomplished in your life, it didn't hurt for you to be humbled. I know it hurts for people to see you falling apart. I know it's embarrassing. Don't hide from the truth! Face it!
Face every one of those silly fears! Be brave. Your fears can't hurt you. YOU can make them go away, one by one!
It seems like the biggest burden that you carry is the love you feel for the unlovable. You want so badly to help and change and fix. Have you forgotten that only God can help and change and fix? Sometimes, He uses you. Sometimes, he puts that person on your heart for only a little while, so you can pray. Release them. Sometimes, He lets you walk with them through a trouble spot to remind them that they are not alone. Let them go. Other times, he has allowed you to open your heart to exactly the kind of person YOU needed to meet.
Learn the lesson.
Which lesson? The one where you give EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT in the hopes that SOMEONE WILL WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU ... where you stop being who you are to be who you think they want you to be. Don't you think it's odd that you can be in a room of 100 men, and instinctively, you find the one who needs you most? They always need YOU, but did YOU ever really NEED them? Were most of the men in your life the kind of person who could take care of you, to begin with?
From the very start, you want to believe in them, and they set out to prove to you why you shouldn't, couldn't and wouldn't if you were in any other kind of relationship with them! Sprinkle a little romance dust over a scoundrel and you will bite every time! I'm not putting you down, but it has gotten to be right comical, don't you think?
Taylor, it's like you jump into the deep end of the lake to save someone who can't swim, and they always end up pulling you down, because in romantic relationships, you are not a strong swimmer! You never have been! If you are going to keep playing in the deep water, we need to get you swimming lessons!
We need to develop some skills that will make you look before you leap. I don't want you to get so hurt anymore. I want you to protect yourself, because if you don't, who will?
Before I sign out, I want to say one more thing. I am proud of you! I know this isn't easy. I know you want to give up. I know you are hurting. I know you are afraid. I also know you are VERY BRAVE! Sometimes, you have the courage of ten people, especially when you are defending someone else!
It's time for you to defend yourself! If you don't, who will?
Take care Darlin!
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