Aydan found a sneaky way to throw some of his typical, standard issue garbage in my direction. It was upsetting. I snuggled into my family and friends. I wrote a letter to my best girlfriends, asking for their prayers. They shared some profound thoughts, and I realized that when your recovery isn't going well, the wisdom of my friends might bring you comfort too ...
So Aydan finally figured out another way to be mean to you! He's sick. He is never going to change. You stood up to him and he hates you for it. Since he can't get you back, he's going to get back at you! It sounds like He had a very good day!
Concentrate on your blessings! You are a good person and everyone knows it. Everything will be okay, K.
Do not ever think you failed. You've worked hard. Keep your faith ... and never ever let Aydan do to you what he would like to do, take you down again ... You are strong and you are loved. Hugs and prayers, J.
We each have our own path to salvation and we each take individual routes to get there. We can love our enemies as best we can, but we must know that they have God to answer to and that is all anyone really answers to. John 21:20-22 comes to mind mostly cause of Jesus answer to Peter in v. 22, "What is that to thee, Follow thou me!" Here is our real job, our real point of self-improvement and our real point of concentration. Each of us has to work out our own salvation. You are doing a lovely job of yours; stay with it. Love, E.
Taylor, of course I'll pray for you and I'll pass along some advice a friend gave me many years ago. Aydan can only impact your life to the degree that you let him. Refuse to have any further contact with him or "his friends". If they call, hang up. If they email, delete with out reading, or if it's instant messaging, sign off, block it, whatever you need to do. You have come so far in the last two years. The real you is constantly evolving and changing. You are soooo blessed. Don't waste another second on that painful period of your life. Love you, K.
Taylor, this is not true. Stop talking to this person. The more you talk to them, the more pleasure you are giving them in trying to upset you. Let this stuff die. It's in the past. You are done with him. You are stronger and you can put this behind you. You are happily married and have a wonderful family to look after. You can count on us. Love ya, M.
Hey! I would give you a hug!!! It sometimes takes years to get past a bad experience, and actually it hasn't been that long at all. If you're like me, you would wonder why in the hell did you ever give that "person" the time of day? You may never know the answer, you just take one day at a time. I think you may have felt like it was your job to "fix" him, and no one can do that. No one ever will.
There may be many others that fall in your footsteps.
You can't save the world, but you can look after Taylor. You have to look at the goodness you have in your life. That's all that really matters.
You wanted him to change. You hoped going to court would make him into a good person. Not going to happen. You didn't fail! He did.
I send you many hugs and many prayers. Love you, hang in there ... V
I am in recovery. I will always be in recovery. Anytime, I start to get too comfortable ... Anytime, I let my guard down, the thing I am recovering from will find a way to show up in my life and remind me that I am worth all the hard work! When bad things come into my life, I can fight back at those bad things by asking God for help, getting back to the books, working my program and getting support and encouragement from my perfect circle of friends ...
I heard a story recently about Martin Luther who wrote about getting regular visits from the devil. The devil would "stop by" to bring doubt, discouragement, low self-esteem, fear, anger, pride and a lot of other "gifts" to torment Martin Luther. The devil used whatever he could to push him off his godly path by telling him that God didn't really love him, and in the beginning, the devil was successful, but every time the devil went away, Martin Luther got stronger in his faith and the next time the devil visited, the devil wasn't as successful as he had been the time before.
One day, the devil knocked on the Martin Luther's door. He answered the door and saw that it was the devil and said, "Oh, it's just you." He just shut the door and went back to his work. He knew that God loved him and there was no reason to argue with the devil about it anymore.
The devil had used up all his tricks and none of them had worked.
In fact, in some way or another, every time the devil showed up to try to convince Martin Luther that God didn't love him, his very presence became proof that God must love him very much or God would not allow him to be tested. The devil's visits became reminders that ... we are only human and that there are things that will pull us off our course ... but it's okay! God loves us anyway and all we have to do is get back on the path.
Aydan is not the devil but Aydan has certainly done the devil's work in my life! Aydan hurt me then and he wants to hurt me now. If I could do the past week over again, I would do a few things differently ... and one day, I will answer the door and say, "Oh, it's just you." and shut the door so I can get back to my work.
I remembered a fable this morning about the fox and the grapes. You remember it? The story goes ...
A hungry fox noticed a juicy bunch of grapes growing high on a grapevine. He leaped. He snapped. Drooling, he jumped to reach them, but try as he might, he could not obtain the tasty prize.
All that jumping and snapping had attracted quite a crowd and they started to laugh at the fox. The fox was humiliated!
As sly as he was, no matter what he tried, he couldn't get the grapes he wanted so badly, so he kicked at the dirt and said with a shrug, to comfort himself, "Oh, they were probably sour anyway!"
The fox wanted the grapes but after trying and trying, the fox was disappointed and gave up. He didn't want to appear foolish for wanting something he couldn't get, so he walked away and said he never really wanted them anyway.
I know that story! I've even told my kids when they were little and having trouble with a playmate, "Don't worry about what they are saying. They are only acting that way because they are jealous of you!"
Do you remember when we were kids? On the playground, kids who couldn't play kickball made fun ofthe game. Kids who didn't have bikes and really wanted one always made fun of the kids who had new bikes. Kids who couldn't get good grades always made fun of the smart kids by calling them "brains".
There were even kids who would ruin the game for everyone else because if they couldn't play, nobody got to play. Those kids were always getting into trouble!
In grade school, we all knew who those mean kids were and we just avoided them.
Hello?!!?!!
At what point did I stop avoiding the mean kids and think that it was my mission to "help" them? Did I feel sorry for them? Did I think they were just misunderstood? Did I feel like I had to be their friend because they didn't have any other friends? I don't need to feel sorry for him! That "mean kid" had a choice too.
From now on, I will avoid those "mean kids"!
Thank you Lord ...
... for this last encounter! Thank you for giving me a chance to use what I learned in recovery. Thank you for turning my mistake into a lesson.
Thank you for taking away my desire for a peaceful end with a soul who is still at war.
Bless those who would hurt me as you have blessed me. Thank you for loving us all and bringing each of us to the exact place that we need to be.
Thank you for walking me through this trial and whispering truth when I needed to hear it most. Thank you for loving me. I love you too!
Amen!
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